Who did therapy for ptsd?

[ConfusedWife1234]

What kind of therapy did you do? Did find it helpful? Did you find it helpful for leadership challenges/help you look at leaderships challenges another way?
I know it is not management training but I ask for my dh who has got both.
He actually did management training and did not work so well.

I'm not sure what you're actually asking. Do you really mean therapy for post traumatic stress disorder? You're right, therapy for that is nothing like management training. Therapy will be life changing in all sorts of ways if effective but you're asking a very odd question.

I have had counselling for PTSD and general anxiety.

I have no issues regarding leadership and management. The 2 aren’t related for me.

I guess it depends what your triggers are and how those triggers manifest? That being the case, it’s not relevant what I did because it may not be appropriate or relevant to others.

I had EMDR for PTSD... It was very successful. I found counselling didn't work, nor did CBT. Everyone has things that work better for them... If you want to know more PM me.

I would say that there was no work course regarding management that I ever got sent on which had any relevance to my PTSD or helped me with it. Well not beyond my innate interest in Psychology.

RLD

@YouCantCallMeBetty @Joysmum my dh actually has PTSD and he is very unhappy at his workplace because he feels he is unable to lead, those people at his workplace do just as they please and pay little attention to him. Dh told me he felt so bad about this he thinks he might have a nervous breakdown and hurt himself when it continues like that. I tried to convince him to tell his therapist. I hope he will.
Dh sometimes has fears, he fears that people will have to die because of little mistakes he makes, for example one if his fears is that he touches something dirty and infects them with germs... but this got better with CBT.
DH has shared with me that he is afraid that people will loose their jobs because of his inability to lead kn the workplace and that they might commit suicide and he will be to blame. I do know that his fears are over the top but for him that feels very real and he is very sad and frightened.

He needed to cry when he talked about how he fears he is at the edge of nervous breakdown. Sorry, that I mentioned this another place. I do not want to double post, just had a new thread because this is another question and I think I had to explain.

@RockluvinDad i will write to you.

Confused, just replied to your PM. I would have put money on him being ex forces from reading this ( all sounds depressingly familiar to me 😕 ) and then I read the other thread which confirmed it.

Good luck to you both. It is a hideous condition which isolates you and drives people from you...

It took me 15 years to start to realise I had a problem when all the time people around me did but didn't know what to do or say... Another five after that before I actually found an EMDR practitioner who cured me in nine sessions. My silver bullet, not necessarily everyone's as everyone is different.

This will not get better on its own though, so please mention combat stress to him and gently encourage him to contact them. You are both sufferers of this condition because it affects those around him too. Be kind to yourself as well as him. You both need support.

If you have any questions at all just PM me. I don't mind talking about it on an open forum but it can be easier to chat more openly in PM.

RLD.

Outside of the PTSD issue, there is the work one and how to get people to do what he needs them to do.

Sadly for him he is no longer in an organisation where people are compelled by law to obey orders, so he needs to almost forget all that he learnt about giving orders ( very few civilian workplaces work in that fashion outside of emergency services for example ) and instead learn to work out what motivates his staff. Leadership in a civilian role is about how to find ways to motivate people who don't actually HAVE to be there or even WANT to be there potentially. There are many tools which can be learnt, but there is never one which works for all.

I found that if I could earn my staff's trust and respect ( prepared to do what I ask them to do, always have their back, encourage and reward good behaviours, calmly and rationally discuss poor behaviours and results ) then it made it easier to request them to do things and would have a high chance of them doing it.

For those who can not, or will not do as requested then a company should have capability and performance management processes to help either formally improve their performance or exit them from the company.

I know this is harsh, but once you have sacked one or two poor performers ( by following the correct process ) then it can have the effect that others tend to start to getting with the program if they value their job.

Bottom line though, people are people and you need as many managent approaches as you have individuals ! He will have to tailor his approach rather than expect them to follow his / the military way.

But first, and most importantly, tackle the PTSD... Small steps.

RLD.

I just replied to your other thread, what you’re describing is OCD and not PTSD, unless there are other symptoms you haven’t mentioned.

Hi,
Thanks very much everybody. I just answer here for both threads and the pms.
I think I need to take a bit of a break, have spend a lot of time yesterday to research ptsd and suicidal thoughts and feel quite stressed. I decided I will not write here again until Thursday... but please do not worry (especially @Rockluvvindad, cause I know one serviceman always worries for another serviceman). I will watch him very closely, make sure he is okay.

We are in Germany btw.

Yes, the are his symptoms. His main symptom is being very worried about his loved ones and he is afraid one of us might get hurt when he makes the tiniest of mistakes.
He wakes up in the middle of the night and he feels he needs to get up to make sure everything is okay, there is no intruder in the house, when he tries to stop himself from doing that the feeling gets worse and wise and he can only go back to sleep when he checked everything is okay.
He is afraid of crowds and crowded places he does not know, he has to study the place first so he can know where the exits are so he can save us in case of emergency.
When there is a fireworks it stresses him a lot and makes him feel vigilant and because of this he is afraid one of us might get hurt by the fireworks and avoids it like the plague.
Oh, and he has got a twitch of his face, which is like a tic (and he hates it)... and he has trouble sleeping.

Actually both of us are not sure he has ptsd, both of us doubt the diagnosis... but then he was diagnosed with it and his therapist (who did not diagnose him) did not doubt the diagnosis. I have been on a board of spouses for people with ptsd and noticed his symptoms were different from those of their dhs, for example my husband is not an angry guy, he is a gentle soul. He does not drink... but however when I discussed it with them they were sure it is ptsd.

I think combat ptsd is a bit different from other ptsd. I might be totally wrong but I think people with civilian ptsd are mainly concerned about their own safety and people with combat ptsd or blue light ptsd are mainly worried about the safety of loved ones.

Oh, and I forgot to ask this. Sorry, I cannot edit my post above. Do you think it is good to regularly check on him? Like ask him how he is doing, if everything is alright. I have been doing this several times a day for the last days. Others have been telling me it must annoy him and it probably does. I just do so because it is difficult for him to discuss somethings. Actually he complains a lot (about the people at his work, his weight and so on) but he rarely talk about feeling stressed, sad and so on... would you recommend regularly checking on him? My gut feeling says yes, but I do not want to annoy him too much.

Hey,
There is a few questions I would like to ask to those with ptsd and hope they are not to private: Can you explain why you do the things you do? You said you could not stand the sound of TV, could you explain why?
I noticed that there are a few movies dh just cannot stand and just walks away... and it is not war movies, it is just stuff like downton abbey, pride and prejudice, that kind of stuff. True, many people do not like this, but his reaction is soooo strong. Plus (I explained in the other thread) he disappeared in the bathroom, having a bath for two hours, while we were waiting for him... and basically did not say a word about why he was doing that. Just made a joke about snorting coke with hookers when I asked. Is there the possibility he had no idea why he was doing that... only that he did not feel right?

Oh... and I actually asked a question at a board where they are supposed to help and unfortunately there was not much help but an individual who said horrible things about those with combat ptsd which made me very sad. The mod deleted most of that but I thought it was very sad that there is a culture like this. Sorry just rambling.

Ok so fit me, my triggers will not be immediately relatable to what left me with the PTSD, but what they do is to trigger the same feelings as then.

For me that’s feeling powerless, ignored, not considered, not important. Most of all it’s about expressing my opinion and that not being accepted and worked through.

So I’d guess that in the case of your DH it would be the same. Somehow his triggers tap in to those feeling surrounding the original event(s). They may not be obvious to you but if unpicked I suspect there will be a pattern to them which can help predict issues and allow him to make changes so they don’t pop up. Once he’s got to grips s little more with managing his feelings around his triggers then he can reintroduce them in a controlled way and practice being better at handling them when he’s feeling able to.

People have different triggers but typically they are things associated with sensory overload. It is important to understand that flashbacks are a memory triggered by something but because it is held in the amigdula it triggers a physical and physiological reaction Imagine that you are always running on a high level of adrenaline as a result of side effect of PTSD called hyper-arousal, and then throw in a loud bang. To someone who has been in combat situations that might well remind them of gunfire, but because the memories are held in the fight or flight part of the brain it suddenly floods you with even more adrenaline taking you over the edge of what you can control, resulting in an extreme reaction, such as rage or even diving to the ground. That can go for anything that reminds him of the trauma.

Alongside might well be a healthy dose of survivor guilt or feelings if responsibility for things which happened to others. Especially if in a position of leadership.

All these feelings can be overwhelming. I would find myself utterly devestated by some things I saw on TV with no real reason that I could associate to the original traumatic events.

Because of these feelings and reactions people start to avoid situations which they know will trigger them. I used to avoid crowds, hated noises. I wouldn't watch the news because news from Iraq used to trigger me. Even rememberance day was a real trial for me. I have been in tears as I rushed through the train station because there were people selling poppies everywhere I looked. It all made me remember too many painful things.

It is such a complex condition that words on here based on my experiences might not even come close to his ( or anyone elses ) experience.

The bath scenario... If I relate it to my own experience it might be because he just felt he couldn't face anyone so basically avoided it by spending so long in the bath he wouldn't have to go...

Hope that is helpful.

RLD

My sister had EMDR for PTSD. It worked for her.

So might I ask a stupid question? Is there a way you learned to predict which were the things that would devastate you when you saw them on TV?
I know that this is petty but I am just asking because well... we do not go out a lot... and watch too much TV lol... and I just want both of us to enjoy it.

Those things on TV that devastating him: actually I cannot see what they have in common, do you think that he has an idea what is going on? I feel that he has not.

EMDR worked for me. Sometimes I get a trigger from something apparently unlikely.. but if I talk it through with my therapist it usually makes sense after all.

I've posted this link to the Royal British Legion because there is a helpline. I wonder if this would help you access some support for yourself and your dh.
support.britishlegion.org.uk/app/answers/detail/a_id/126/~/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-%28ptsd%29---an-overview

When you say you are unsure if your dh has ptsd, can I ask why?
A lot of his symptoms sound very very like OCD in terms of compulsions etc, but there is crossover with a lot of mh issues.
Is his counselling through work? It’s been a while since either of us were in Germany and I’m not sure what provision is like now.
(Mixed bag here. Dh got blown up at work and suffered head injury, I had birth trauma related ptsd, and dd2 has OCD which may or may not be related to brain damage).

And don’t forget SSAFA and the AFF.

Have to be quick before children wake. Why do I sometimes think it might not be ptsd, because he does not have some of the classical symptoms of ptsd and otoh he has symptoms that are not ptsd, such as:
*Extreme need for perfection
*Accepting nothing but perfection from himself and other
*Deep dislike of disorder
*Has to have a check list
*Has to check if everything is like it is supposed to be, multiple times, over and over again, for example: when out with others he will often count them to see if everybody is still there

He sometimes has odd fears, having nothing to do with a trauma, in most cases having to do with disorder.

An example: One of our kids left a boot in the kitchen, dh yells, jumps, then picks it up and laughs
Confused Spouse: What did you think it was?
DH: Well I thought it was a boot
Confused: Why does it scare you
DH: It does not, why should it? It just gave me an odd feeling. Why is this there? Boots do not belong in the kitchen. Where is the other one? When will you start to teach the kids not to put their stuff everywhere. Do you want someone to stumble, break his neck?

He has physical symptoms not related to something traumatic such as trembling but not because he is scared but just on a very normal day when doing something very normal or even when relaxing like when out in nature. He loves nature.

He is stressed by relaxing if this makes sense. Like he is relaxing and then he feels he should not be relaxing but do something ANYTHING to make this odd feeling go away.

He is obsessed with his weight, often comfort eats and then obsesses about how he is fat and unfit.

He is obsessed with his fitness, working out and physical perfection.

He is short of hearing and obsessed with how this makes him a lesser human being... or so he feels

Actually he is unsure if he has ptsd. Sorry, have to stop now, kids.

I have PTSD. It has manifested itself into extreme fear and anxiety about something happening to one of my children. The underlying event wasn't about them, it was an incident in which I nearly died. I can't watch the news or any tv programmes where something happens to a child or someone is in any danger or there's any threat of death. I also have a need for control - by controlling the environment and keeping things tidy and clean I'm keeping my children safe. I'm also not remotely angry but I am emotional and hyper vigilant.

Hope that helps a little bit with understanding what might be happening with your DH.

Yes, it helps. Thanks. Did you find something helpful which helps against this feeling?

I'm going through CBT at the moment and we're now working on me confronting my fears. So for example I find it very hard to watch my son climbing trees etc because I think he's going to fall and hurt himself. I'm now working on forcing myself to stand back and watch, by counting to ten before I'm allowed to intervene if I'm still worried.

From what you've said I think your husband might benefit from CBT too.