spending time with kids after separation

[safeordangerous]

Hi

After a female perspective.

I think our marriage is heading towards its conclusion. I dont want to go in to all the ins and its but I think we'll be amicable enough. If you do want the detail its on the dadsnet page.

My maim concern is the kids. I work and wife has been a SAHM for the past few years. She'll probably start working part time later this year although this is likely to be more like evening / weekend type hours if she goes for the job we're expecting.

What in reality is likely to be a reasonable split in time between us in terms of having the kids. Im thinking 2/3 days per week with perhaps a week where I dont but substituted by a week where I increase on the 2/3 days

Does this seem reasonable. We are both fine wih the kids etc its our relationship which has broken down.

Not quite sure I understand.
Split with exh last year. Was infidelity on his part so not exactly friendly but he doesn't want to pay Cm so has kids two weeknights from 4pm to 8am (I do school runs) and one weekend night per week (alternate fri and sat) from 1pm till 1pm.
I do t think it's ideal for dc but it's working g for now and as can be verbally abusive I'm letting him try this.
I would prefer they had a few nights in each home rather than changing almost every other night.

I think that sounds fine, it's good to have a basic arrangement in place, I find my dds really prefer to know what they are doing and when.. A continuity, but with flexibility too...

Think about what is best for the kids - which is a number of things - time with you, time with Mum and a Happy Mum and a Happy Dad - this might mean for example accommodating her job in the times you have the kids to avoid childcare costs and vice versa her accommodating your work hours, not fighting over returning clothes and toys with children and not swapping and changing things week on week etc.

thanks
theres no infidelity or anything else untoward. My wife has what i can only describe as a depression (at times) which can be aggressive from a verbal perspective.
Ive thought the answer was we needed to stay together but over the last 6 to 12 months ive realised we are both far better with the kids when not around each other!

Please don't stay together for the DC, I tried this for six years.
Children prefer happy parents and a happy home.
Be honest in an age appropriate way with them and keep talking to them.
A year down the line my dc are needing a little more support than when we first separated.

Depends on the age of the children. If on the younger side I would say keep it the same every week initially with no variances so they know what to expect and when.

Mark days on a calander untill it becomes automatic to them.

Pay atention to what suits them not you. E.g despite me thinking I deserved a weekend to myself, after seeing and concluding that the dad was not homeless and had somewhere to sleep at night (dc was incredibly anxious about this) dc decided didnt like overnight with the dad so we replaced overnight weekend with overnight on an evening at my house,I work late and wouldnt see dc before bed anyway.

It took nearly a year before dc settled down despite the split being very amicable to the point that we reconciled recently.

So my experience has taught me even if you do get along and work together to minimise impact from an adult perspective be prepared for kids to struggle with the change for a good while.