Unexpected long distance

[longdistanceowl]

For the last 18 months myself and my boyfriend have been living a 5 minute walk from each other’s house, and maybe spent 3 or 4 nights a week together.

We recently reached the point where he was looking for a new academic position at the same time as I was looking for a new job, and already felt it was time to move in together, so we decided we’d search in the same places.

Due to the, ahem, interesting job market and world of academia we’ve had to end up taking positions two hours from each other. Our other alternative was for me to turn down my job offer still move in with him and try (frantically) to find a job once there, which neither of us thought was sensible.

So I’ve now been thrown from preparing to move in with him, to facing a long distance relationship for the next three years at least, and I was wondering if anyone had any tips for adjusting from seeing someone most days to seeing them twice a month. I’m dreading it!

Thanks in advance

Why dont you live somewhere in the middle? About an hour commute for each of you. Working hours in academia are quite flexible, you might be able to work from home regularly. When i was in academia in the Uk it was very common for academics to live quite a way away. I commuted 2 years Leeds to Sheffield and i know many people who did (and still do) it the other way.

2 hours is hardly long distance really. I’m also an academic and my last position was 3 hours from home. I did that commute and back 3 days a week and worked from home the other 2 days (so spent 18 hours commuting over 3 days). And I had a young child at home too. I would aim to live in the middle and then he at least can work from home some days to save on commuting. Most academics are rarely in the office 5 days a week anyway.

But even if you do need to live apart just make them most of your weekends and holidays. My dh and I lived an 11 hour long haul flight from each other for 2 years before we got married. It sucked and I wouldn’t recommend it, but we spent every possible bit of time with each other when one of us could travel to be with the other. It made us grateful when we finally could be together.

He’s unfortunately going to be mostly lab/research based for at least the first few years, so lack of flexibility and long working hours are the current barriers to us living in between.

I lived about 2 hours from my DP until recently (so about 3 years). The first year he couldn't drive, and I work evenings and some weekends so it was difficult to get much time together (it was more like once every 4-6 weeks). Maybe it will be harder for you as you're used to seeing each other very often, but I honestly found it pretty easy, as I kept myself very busy. He found it harder because he has more free time. So if you have loads of spare time, fill that time with stuff.

If you're busy with work, the time will fly by. Keep in touch, and makes plans for when you're together. Decide how you will use annual leave to get some longer weekends/weeks off with one another.

You'll be fine once you get used to it

I would suggest you both be brutally honest with yourselves and accept that you're going to have sex with other people at least once a month.

Decide whether you want to "tell all" (for compersion or cuckolding approaches) or whether its "dont ask, dont tell", and stick with it.

Ford - you aren’t right! Wtf is your comment about? That’s the second ridiculous post I’ve read of yours in 5 minutes!

Ignore her OP.

Can’t you compromise and move nearer? Could you not look for a job near him whilst working where you are until you find one and then move??