Why can’t men just tell the bloody truth!!!

[Aminuts23]

God sake!! This is not a current problem but all of the pieces literally just fell into place!
By way of background my relationship of 11 months ended in September last year. We were both in our 40s, had a nice easy-going respectful relationship (or so I thought). All going really well. Booked our holiday, all great, exciting!
Couple of weeks before our holiday he changed. Withdrew a bit, thought it was pre-holiday nerves. He had anxiety. Didn’t dwell on it. Off we went abroad.
He was awful to me on holiday a couple of times and just before we came home told me it had been great coming away just as ‘friends!’ WHAT!!!! Much upset, he was distant, left my crying, alone, devastated abroad. Shitty.
When we got home there were cross words in texts and then I went NC. Totally over it now, dated since. I’m all good.
Messing around on FB just now, he has a new GF. I knew that anyway, no business of mine. BUT by something she’d commented on I saw who it was. Don’t know her. All fine. Nosey at her FB (tragic I know). Ex and his bloody mother commenting on her posts from before we went away. I know he went to her town the weekend straight after we got back from holiday ‘for work’ (we’d split by then anyway).
Now I’m thinking what a bloody cock! He went on holiday with me and had already either started seeing her or had her lined up!!! I’m bloody fuming. Not so much that he’s moved on, I don’t care about that, more that he’s a bloody coward. He told me that I should have known before the holiday that we’d split up (I’m 43, I would have known this). I felt it odd at the time that he put no pics of us together on holiday on FB and made no mention of me even being there.
I bet he told her we were going as friends. If he even told her who he was going with. The only one he didn’t tell was me! What an absolute bastard. I always always told him that if he didn’t want to be with me any more just to say but instead he made me feel confused and totally stupid. If he wasn’t with her he was itching to get back to start up with her. It just makes absolutely everything click into place. How he treat me and the complete lack of respect! Fucker!!!

What a spineless piece of shit.

I'd be so tempted to message the new woman but it's probably not worth the drama. I'm sure he'll have described you as the 'crazy ex' anyway. Fucker.

At least you're rid of the cowardly cheating prick.

Urgh!! What a shitbag. I’d message her and let her know. Send screenshots of whatever texts you have form your relationship to prove it so he can’t wriggle out of it.

I’d let if it go. Not worth your energy or even showing that you’re bothered

God no I can’t be arsed with that. I’m just fuming. He said his anxiety was getting worse before we went away, I put his behaviour down to that. I spent weeks hurting wondering what had gone wrong!! What had changed etc. I’m more cross that he insulted my intelligence by implying I should have known it was over before we went away!! The audacity of the man! She’s welcome to him.

I know how you feel OP, it's annoying and frustrating but you've moved on so try not to waste too much energy on him.

I finished a short term relationship because he was a real flake & kept letting me down, a year or so later we bumped into each other and ended up talking again. During 1 phone call he told me all about the girl who'd recently dumped him & broken his heart. Stupid fucker didn't even realise the details he was telling me made it obvious he started seeing he before I broke up with him!!! Part of me wanted to pull him up but in the end I just couldn't be arsed.

Jellybean oh dear! It’s infuriating isn’t it! I don’t care for him, I’d never be interested in him again and I’ve felt like that for a long time now. I’m fine and I won’t dwell on it but just now when the lightbulb came on I felt fury. Also though relief that it really wasn’t me being naive or thick. It was him being a manipulative cowardly liar! Urgh

I remember your story OP as we were on holiday at same time and was following it whilst away. That's the thing though, a great percentage of them are just bloody cowards!! He obviously didn't want to go on his own or not go, so strung you along so he got his holiday and company. You are well out of that

I hate this kind of behaviour - it causes so much confusion and heartbreak, all because they can't man up to a difficult conversation.

yetmorecrap you’ll remember how upset and confused I was at the time. That’s what I’m mad about. I’m adult enough to have a difficult conversation. I might have even gone just as friends (probably not but a choice would have been good). Ah well. Good luck to her. From past history (me and the one before) she’ll get dumped right when she least expects it. With the one before me it was as they were buying a house, with me it was on holiday. The mind boggles as to what he’ll do next

It seems to be horribly common - was with a bloke 6 years, in the last year of it myum died. I was pretty strong thru it (for my DCs really, but had quite a bit of admin to do, where previously I'd fitted around his life quite a bit. He became a bit distant, I fought a feeling he was seeing someone else (no real evidence, so thought I was just over emotional...).
He broke up with me the day we were due to fly abroad on holiday (arriving so late to tell me, that I couldn't go by myself..). He met someone else pretty quickly, but denied there had been anyone else.

A couple of months later he posted a load of photos online of him and new gf, looking very much a loving couple....taken at an event 4 months before we split up....
What an arse! - why didn't he just end it when he met her?

Cannock how awful. Isn’t it disrespectful

I'm adult enough to have a difficult conversation

But he isn't.

Bleurgh

Whilst this doesn't apply to all men.... I would say that men in general are weak and conflict avoidant when it comes to ending relationships.

I've spoken with a few OWs who say their married boyfriends have told them they're being horrible and treating their wives like crap so they (the wife) end the marriage and he can be with the OW.

They don't have the guts to end it...so they want the wife to do so enabling them to get out of the marriage.

Sadly and naively ..the OWs often cling to the hope they'll 'get the man' when his wife finally ends it.

Conflict avoidant is totally right. I think he started withdrawing and being horrible hoping I’d end it. When I didn’t he said I should have known we’d split up weeks before!!! That’s a new one on me to be honest. Laughable really in light of what I now know. I know it’s not all men by any stretch of the imagination but in my experience it tends to be men who do this more often. It just all makes so much sense now! Totally

He was probably hedging his bets, or not totally sure what he wanted to do - a bit confused in other words. Not that I’m trying to defend him. I’ve experienced similar behaviour from men and it’s completely spineless.

I would put all of your holiday pics on Facebook, and tag him in every one. Let her see that you were together on that holiday. Fuck him. I'd even use words or emoticons, to make it clear you were in a relationship at the time.

Then sit back, pour some wine and have a laugh.

Husky haha. As tempting as that may be I don’t need or want drama. That would imply I give a shit about him when actually I’ve been over him a long time now. Today I still feel cross that he put me through all that inexplicable trauma and grief when he could have just been honest. That would have still hurt but the confusion would have been less. I feel relieved I wasn’t going mad and a little bit quietly smug that he doesn’t know that I found this out. He may never find out that I know, who cares. I hope she shows him happiness, commitment, support and then shits all over him when he least expects it