Suicide threats

[DextroDependant]

I am at the end of my tether.

How do you deal with someone threatening suicide constantly!

Broke up with abusive ex, he has tried everything to convince me to give him another chance but I don't want to.

Now he is resorting to suicide threats. He has committed suicide every single day for the last two weeks, some days more than once. (Unsuccessfully obviously, I don't know if he is even doing it or just lying).

I have tried ignoring him, I have tried telling the police but they know he just does it to try and control me and basically said stop ringing in not so many words. I have tried forwarding the messages to his family and friends.

I am so close to telling him to just get on with it but what if he actually did. I can't cope with this any more.

I have his Number blocked but my phone just diverts his messages to another folder and I can't help but look.

I just want him to leave me alone.

Change your number so he can no longer contact you.

A pain the the arse but you will be rid.

Block and ignore.
Make sure his family and authorities know but remember he is not your responsibility, he is a grown man in charge of his own actions and is trying to control you.

I think I will have to change my number, it"d just a pain. Giving it to the schools, my sons health team, work, the bank apps are registered to this number etc etc.

I knew this would be an abusive partner before I read it. Be pleased he's an ex. One thing that I have learned on mn is that it's always manipulative.

Change your number Op. This is emotional blackmail.

I understand your concern but his controlling you. You have informed the police and his family. You have done all. What he chooses to do or not do is not your responsibility.

I keep saying that to him, he says it's my fault but it's really not, I can't force him to do anything.

If he was actually seriously going to do it he wouldn't be telling me about it would be? He would just do it.

It's not your fault. Not even close.

You've gone literally everything you could do.

Change your number and be rid, it's absolutely abuse. And yes, if he were serious he'd just crack on and not tell anyone

Sounds like my ex. He had form for this. I flipped after about a month & told him to stop spouting shit & either do it or leave me alone. Harsh i know but he was violent & abusive when we were together, getting rid of him was my chance at starting again...i couldn't do that with him constantly harassing me.
It stopped the threats. Think he realised that i actually wasn't bothered anymore

Change your number. It'll only take a few minutes to let everyone know your new number. Tell his family what he's saying, he's not your responsibility. Give them contact details for CALM and move on.

He is an ex for bloody good reason.

re your comment:-
"I have his Number blocked but my phone just diverts his messages to another folder and I can't help but look".

Its obvious but you really do need to stop looking at this folder. Change your number as well. Examine your own reasons as to why you cannot help but look in the first place. He calls you simply as a control measure, he really does like yanking your chain here. Do not respond to him further, what such people want is a response because they know they have you then.

Apart from changing your mobile number I would also suggest you enrol yourself onto the Freedom Programme run by Womens Aid if you have not already done this. Your boundaries and self worth have likely taken a real battering at his hands and you need time and space to recover from his abuses of you. That recovery will only start when you are fully rid of him from your life. Do also read "Why does he do that?" by Lundy Bancroft.

Or ring 999 every time for an ambulance. He won't keep doing it then.

Send him the number of the Samaritans and then change your number.
He's not your responsibility. Any attention you give him is just feeding the drama.
Stop engaging with it.

Even if he were genuinely suicidal, it wouldn’t be your fault - the decision to end their own life is entirely in the hands of the person taking that step and not down to the failings or treatment of another person.

Send him the Samaritans number then block him from contacting you by whatever means you can.

OP next time he says he has done it or is going to do it, call 999.

Yes it’s a waste of resources but they’ll turn up at his house to see it was a wasted journey and he’ll get a bollocking off the police. They’ll then be aware of the situation at least

You then block him and STOP READING THE MESSAGES!!! Stop giving him the time of your day, don’t even acknowledge him. By doing so you’re not helping the situation

Did you see that tv programme on BBC1 last night about the squeeze on Police resources and how two police officers spent hours trying to track down someone's ex that had threatened suicide? When they found him (he had ignored phone messages saying the police were desperately trying to contact him) he just said he was winding his ex up and he didn't mean it. The police officers were disappointed that they could hear emergency calls on the radio that they would normally had been able to attend but couldn't as they were looking for him.

What a bloody waste of time and money, and the would-be suicide didn't give a shit.

Your ex is trying to yank your chain just like this tosser. Just ignore him.

Id say ring an ambulance on him... I had an abusive ex who kept threatening suicide and he soon stopped after me hanging up on him several times then sending an ambulance round to his house each time.

It seems you have already done this with the police though and he has not stopped.... so to do it further would just be a sad waste of emergency reasources..... still do it if you have to because its his responsibility (the waste of emergency services I mean) if it gives you peace of mind that hes not actually going to die.

Blocking him as much as you can is really the only thing to do.... can you change your number?
This is such a low thing for him to do. I really feel for you.

I don't want to send an ambulance as when I needed one recently for my seriously ill hold we had to wait 2 and a half hours. I would hate anyone else to be waiting like we did because of him.

I am going to change my number. You are all right, it is the only way I will be rid of him.

I am half way through the Lundy Bancroft book and I have living with the dominater too which is the freedom program one. I engaged with women's aid in the first place to get the strength to end it.

It is just this one final step. I guess I can't stop checking the messages because I am scared he might actually do it.

My rational mind knows that if he was going to then he would be dead by now but when he texts saying he doesn't know if he will make it through the night because of all the tablets he has taken then I feel the need to check that he has sent another message, just to make sure he isn't dead.

I ignore 95% of the messages and it doesn't stop him. He turns up at my house sometimes too.

I have had a non mol and that didn't deter him either.

You're doing all the right things op.
The reason he's threatening it is simply illicit a response from you, any response will do ..negative or positive.
The only way to deal with it is to stop responding at all.

Alternatively get another Non Mol and keep reporting every single infraction until he is arrested... You know that olds saying, be cruel to be kind? You need to be cruel to him to be kind to yourself... he obviously enjoys making you miserable, turn the tables.. You know his threats are simply hot air!

Get a similar card. Send your contacts your new number.

Inform the schools etc and then ignore.

It's just more of his abuse.

Well if he carries out his threat of suicide it will not be your fault and frankly you would be much better off. Sounds like the world would be improved without him in it.

I have been through this with an ex after I ended it, but I was working with amazing mental health professionals at the time and they all reasssured me that very few people who talk about suicide actually follow through with their threats. They were right; years later he's still alive and as far as I hear, he's doing ok. It was still very distressing though, and I know exactly how you must be feeling every time you open a new message from him. Well done for ending it with him by the way, I know that isn't easy.

If the police won't get involved from a safeguarding point of view, it may be worth considering making a complaint against your ex partner; under the Communications Act 2003, it was declared an offence to "persistently make use of a public electronic communications network for the purpose of causing annoyance, inconvenience or needless anxiety", which seems to be his main purpose here.

It really helps to know others have been through it.

I have had multiple texts (I am ignoring) apparently he was throwing up blood at 4am, he says he is going to the doctors and will call at my house before he goes to hospital.

If he knocks I will ignore the door. I am working from home following surgery so will just take the laptop upstairs.

That is another problem with changing my number at least at the moment if he turns up I know to expect him and can be out/upstairs.

Do you still have a non mol? If not, get another one sharpish.

Then report any texts to police as a breach. Every time.

Also get a cheap CCTV camera for your front door to record him if he turns up. And report also.

He might not tire of wasting police time with concerns for his safety, but a few interviews under caution and subsequent court appearances might change his mind.

He's going to your house before the hospital? Yea ok. What a bellend. There's fuck all wrong him.
I would suggest you get another non mol. The first one clearly taught him nothing.