Still finding it so hard -

[foreverday]

Haven't posted in a while
It's been very up and down

Left ex a few months ago, really really struggled
Me and lo moved in with him to find his moods and tempers got worse, so packed all our stuff up and started over

I felt emotionally drained and devastated

He got back in contact, was sorry, wants me back, wants to change so have gone from talking / seeing if we can be friends at least - posting on here whilst all this was happening and then leading to blocking

He owes me a lot of money so I've held on being civil as I can to at least get my money back

So we contact via email now but I've realised slowly but surely that this isn't working...he still thinks he is going to worm is way back

I'm hurt, broken and just can't seem to get over it / him
I can't see myself with anyone else
But I don't want him

I've done everything text book to try move on
Made new friends
Got out there and painted a smile on my Face
Spent time with lo / friends / family
Counselling
Even started meditation

Nothing is working
I can't seem to feel happy

I have good days but not consistently

I work pretty much full time, I'm tired I feel useless and just feel like I've hit a brick wall

I want to feel better - I want to feel happy

I have felt like you. And it does sound like you are a bit stuck. It also sounds like you are doing the right things, you’ve made a big life change and are in the aftermath of it. All I can say is that you are doing well, keep making plans and keep moving forward, you don’t want to be with this man and it’s completely ok to be by yourself! Keep being kind to yourself, self love is very empowering and it will help you.

Fake it until you make it xx

Thank you for your post, it helps.

I suppose it's good i know we ate done. After 4 years and break ups almost every month, I couldn't see why i take him back each time

Yes I do feel stuck and I was hoping by now I would start to feel better
Maybe because I don't have completely no contact
Which I'm trying to do now

I just feel so sad and can't stop thinking about the times when we were happy but I know it's not real as it's not consistent

I just feel lost

If life throws you a lesson and you refuse to learn that lesson then it will keep trying to teach you!

How many times did you break up? Monthly you say and yet you still refused to learn

He’s not your knight in shining armour. He never will be.

If you go back to him then I’m afraid you will reap what you sow.

He’s not the right man for you, I’ll gaurantee there is better waiting for you.

Thank your lucky stars you made it out!

Sorry I worded that badly.

We have split a few times but can't make it though one month without an argument

I isn't realise this until I left and have looked back in diary etc

We had lots of problems but also a lot good so guess it was about out weighing it

I've tried to hard to make it work I guess I feel sad having to walk away

Sweetie, you've not really done it textbook. As you say, you haven't gone no contact and that is what you need to move on.

For the past four months you've had one foot in the future and one in the past. Now you're putting both feet in the future. The reason you've been feeling drained is because of the constant push-pull of it all: are we done? Can we be friends? Would nothing be better? What about the past? He's been there in your thoughts constantly.

Go no contact now and do it properly. That means not allowing yourself to think about him either - or if that's too difficult, just at certain times that you decide you'll have a little wallow.

Now's the time to put yourself and LO first. Lots of inexpensive treats and fun together. Make plans, reconnect with friends, have fun.

I'm in the very same situation as you OP. I recently went no contact after my ex revealed what an emotionally abusive man he was. I have blocked him from everything. I thought we had a future together. I'm gutted as I can't switch off the feelings I had for him and it hurts. At the same time I know I can't put myself through another abusive relationship. I'm hoping the pain will pass and I will eventually look back and see I made a very lucky escape. I have just started counseling and hopefully this will help to build up my self esteem and self worth. For me I think it's the thought of what I had hoped we had in the future that hurts the most yet deep down it was all just an illusion. There are good men out there who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated

Look at your LO and remind yourself you got her out of a toxic situation; moods and anger turn children into nervous wrecks; you definitely did the right thing, please do not go back again, nothing will change.

You are doing fantastic actually, and yes, time does heal, it's not been that long, you will get up one day and not think about him and then the next week realise how much better off you and your LO are.

Thanks for this
It's picked me up
As I say I've not posted for a while and I've missed it

Yeah that sounds exactly like me

Well today I've told him once and for all no contact and I haven't heard anything and I must admit I am glad. I stupidly unblocked him after he turned up at my house crying but if he does that again, I won't be falling for it

I just know deep down that it's unhealthy and he hasn't and won't change

My self worth is completely damaged and I know I have a lot of work to do to make myself happy again and yes for my little one
I haven't felt myself or happy for such a long time, the only time is when we start talking, I get a glimmer of hope then I'm dropped again so this all makes sense

Yes it's an illusion isn't it

I have lots on over the next few weeks
A fab half term planned so I'm hoping the no contact will make me start to feel better