How to stop being a push over ?!

[YummySushi]

I told myself a zillion times today that I shall set boundaries ... to restore respect with mil... it’s not or never because situation is very tense now between us....

When I met her after one year and half of no visits and 2 Months of no calls.... her first reaction was to pat my belly ( I gave birth 3 months ago) and ask me if there was still a baby in there.. she proper felt it through my loose top with an intrusion I didn’t expect.. that was as soon as my husband was distracted..

Now I behaved like this didn’t happen.., ignored her and moved forward through the day...

Husband seems to think that everything went amazingly well... because I didn’t kick a fuss ... things did go smooth because I made them go smooth ... by not fussing.. but he seems to expect me to become friends again all of a sudden so has to explain to him what continues to happen... he seems to think it’s all in my head ..

How was I supposed to react to mils intrusive conduct ??

I feel maybe I should’ve laughed out loud and went to my husband and said :” did u hear, ur mum said I might have another baby in my belly... how funny is that !!!”. Just to make it awkward for her.

There is nothing in the world that I’m hating more than being a push over but I don’t know how to overcome it

Yes. You should have said exactly what you suggested.

She hasn't changed. She now thinks you are still the same.

Why didn't you say something? Was it a case of thinking what to say only later on?

It's terrible when people behave like this towards you. They are bullies. The good thing about bullies is that they generally only need to be barked at once and they back off. A few are persistent but most are cowards.

Tell your dh what she said and how rude you thought it was. And how you made everything smooth.

I think what I'm saying is you can stop being a pushover by being frank, open and honest.

It’s not too late . MAyb when I meet her in few days I will tell everyone exactly what she said ... infront of her .. I will say, so funny, first reaction I had with mil was she thought I was pregnant.. I assumed I lost the weight. How funny is she ...

I wouldn't bother with the "How funny is she?" bit.

Ur right ..I’m new to this. Will just say it as it is and expect her to explain herself to the crowd. Perhaps it’s innocent and thoughtless or perhaps not... I donno .

Some people joke this way. Could it be a joke ?

No - it was a put down.
It was cruel and tactless and she knows it.
And she was expecting you to do exactly as you did and ignore it.
I wouldn't bring it up again unless she does it again.
She will just deny it.
But why are you pandering to her?
If you don't want to see her then don't see her.
Nothing stopping your DH going to see her but you don't need the hassle and you don't have to put up with it!

This is such a hurtful thing to say. My nan said something similar to me 2 years after I had my second child, knowing I had battled an eating disorder for most of my life. I ended up being quite ill with my ed again. I've been NC for a few years now and it's great. Is this an option for you?

The trouble with people like this is they are very clever at saying things when people are out of ear shot and making you look like you're over reacting. They don't stop if you ignore them, they just get worse, as they are desperate for a reaction.

When other people are recognising how brilliant you look after having a baby, I would say 'yes I thought I had managed to lose most of the weight, until Mil said I still look pregnant'. Play her at her own game by dropping the comment into conversation naturally.

I really hope you find a way to deal with her venomous comments.

I really feel for you.

I would have patted her belly and said "well you like you've got twins in there haha!"