Infidelity

[Confidential789]

I do not know how i feel about my relationship anymore. We have been together 2 and half years and have a baby. During my pregnancy he cheated on me one night when i wasnt there he met a girl off a dating site and took her back to my house. He also cheated on me early this year with a girl from a dating site whos house he went to. I then found out he had been talking to another girl on there 2 months later. He begged me to stay with him and also manipulated me with his children. My partner has several children to different ex partners and one with me. I do not feel important to him. He makes ‘jokes’ about wanting to have sex with other woman and says men can’t just have one partner. He has also been derogatory towards me in arguements he will call me fat/ ugly. I am constantly upset/ angry/ lonley. I feel confused and i am posting to get clarity... can he change? Am i wasting my time?

No he can't change and yes you are wasting your time. To be honest I can't believe you need to ask this, given what you have said.
Anyway, it's definitely time to split from this idiot. Good luck.

"can he change? Am i wasting my time?"
I think you already know the answers ! Or you should!

can he change?

No

Am i wasting my time?

Yes

Its that stark. You have a choice re this man, your child does not. Child needs a better role model that this selfish cheat of a dad.

Of course you are not important to him and he cannot and will not be faithful to any one person. He is a serial cheat who treats women appallingly.

Would you want your child to be in such a relationship like this?. No you would not. He will simply continue to use you if you also allow him to do this so he really does need to be gone from your day to day life now. Womens Aid are well worth contacting here and they can and will help you on 0808 2000 247.

I know its obvious what to do but he downplays what he has done and makes me feel like i have over reacted. I suppose i just don’t want to feel like have failed

You haven't failed. He has. Countless times and he doesn't even want to change.

He’s slept with other women while he’s supposed to be with you. There’s no downplaying that. It’s cheating and you should get rid. All those ex partners have been through it too. He’s not going to change

HTF have you failed?
Did you cheat numerous times?
Risking your own sexual health and that of your pregnant partner and unborn baby?
Did you go on dating sites for hook ups?
Did you speak to other men?
Did you use your DC to make him stay?
Do you make 'jokes' about wanting sex with other men?

Dear god woman.
Please, for the love of god, wake up and smell the coffee.
You are a complete walk over.
You have 'MUG' tattoo'd on your head.
You have zero self-esteem and guess what!???
It's all HIS fault.
Not yours.
He's a prize cunt!
He's taking the piss and you are letting him.

Get him the fuck out of your life - like... yesterday!
You deserve so much more and the fact you are putting up with all of this means you need some serious professional help.
Can you afford some private therapy or counselling?
Please also contact Womens Aid and enrole on their Freedom Programme.
You need to spot red flags far sooner.
You need to learn to value yourself.
You need to learn to set boundaries and not let anyone over step them.

NONE OF THIS IS NORMAL!!!
RUN - DON'T WALK.
THE HILLS ARE THAT WAY >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Why would he even bother changing? He has sex with who he likes and you take him back every time.

Please get out of this now, he doesn't respect you and you deserve so much better.

No words except leave.....there is nothing right about this man or your relationship. Leave leave leave leave.

He makes sustained efforts to try to cheat and then goes through with it despite knowing what it does to you.

He doesn’t respect you or your feelings so more fool you if you choose to continue to commit to such a relationship.

He has shown you who he is. Show him who you are and walk away from this waste of space

Thank you.

Even though i sound pathetic, people on the outside would describe me as a strong person some how even though i know what is right i listen to the bullshit.... i just don’t want to admit i made a mistake getting involved with someone like that

I feel like my reality is warped if that makes any sense?

Complete sense, now you have seen him for what he is build on it.

Am i wasting my time?

YES

He's not a monogamous person. He has kids all over the place.

After you he'll go on to have even more.

By staying you have accepted his cheating, because you've shown it's not a dealbreaker after the first time.

You only know about those 2 occasions too.

He's an unsafe partner, but you're giving him the privilege of being in a relationship with you.

Self respect is standing up for yourself when you are being treated in a manner that is less than what you deserve. It is about knowing your worth and having the ability to adjust your life and remove people from it if they are treating you poorly.

You're not pathetic and I'm sure you can be a strong woman but you need to draw on all of that strength right now and start giving yourself the life you deserve which means not being with someone who treats you so badly.

Well all make mistakes.
It's that simple.
And we have to be accountable for our own mistakes.
However, your only mistake was loving and trusting and someone.
Which we should all do.
But.... he's a liar and a cheat and a complete scumbag.
You know this now.
You only mistake here would be to stay with him.
And that would be a HUGE mistake.