Ex won't agree to a divorce

[SnowWhitesRestingBitchFace]

I don't know what I'm look for, a handhold maybe?

I've finally managed to muster up the courage to ask my ex for a divorce (he can be very difficult and I try not to aggravate him so have been putting it off) I printed off the forms and began to fill them out, when it came to citing a reason I had two choices. Unreasonable behaviour (he has a serious gambling addiction, he committed fraud against me by taking out loans and credit cards in my name and was emotionally and financially abusive) or having been split up for 2 years and we consented. I was hoping to use the second reason but ex has gone bat shit crazy.

I am engaged and have a baby due next week with someone else (my DP was not the OM or anything like that.)

Ex is also seeing/part time living with someone else.

He's saying he wants a solicitor to look over the papers before he agrees (fine with me, it's all straight forward and I haven't asked for anything financially plus we don't own any property etc. Literally couldn't be more straight forward.)

He then went completely bonkers saying he wasn't going to accept forms from the court or sign anything. Couldn't give reasons why just kept shouting down the phone at me.

Am I in the wrong for wanting a fresh start? It's taken me a long time to finally muster up the courage to fill in the forms because I knew he would make things difficult. I'm not asking him for any money or a contribution towards costs. I just want to be divorced. The marriage should never have happened in the first place. It was based on lies and abuse. I don't want to be in this awful situation anymore. I want to be able to marry the man I love and who loves me. I want a normal life. I don't know what to do if he carries on refuses to sign once he's been served papers or decide to ignore them completely?

I think I just need someone to tell me they understand and I'm not alone.

Have you been apart 2 years?

Yep over 2 years

I have no information to directly help but lots of people will be here to help you. Of course you aren't being unreasonable in wanting a divorce and if he won't agree you can go ahead and serve papers. I'm not sure of the mechanism but I'm sure he can't avoid them for long. I think your solicitor can advise. Good luck

Solicitor.

Send him the forms.

Allow him time to calm down.

Play it -you can move on etc. Or get him to divorce you with his own reasons -really doesn't matter who divorces whom and why.

wikivorce.com is really helpful op.
You can speak to a solicitor for free if you ring the number on
there.
From what I remember reading on there you can get the papers 'served' to your Styx if they're being obstructive.

Thank you so much for your replies.

I told him I was more then happy for him to initiate the divorce himself. I don't care if he wants to blame me for a million imaginary wrong doings. I just want it over with. It was honestly the worst time in my life and I feel so cheated by it all.

I don't understand how he can still be like this. If I had done the things he had done I would be so ashamed of myself.

I suspect he wants to feel in control..... maybe send him a blank set of forms so HE can fill them out and divorce you.

Give him a deadline to agree the divorce by consent, failing which you'll petition for unreasonable behaviour.
If you're feeling nice, the deadline could be 6 weeks or so ( plenty of time for him to consult a solicitor and reconsider). He doesn't have to agree a divorce on the basis of his behaviour, and if you think he's going to refuse to sign, make sure the papers are formally served. You can then file an Affidavit ( the court can help you with that) in order to enable the divorce to proceed.

Thank you. I'll look into everything that's been suggested. I can't believe I was ever such an idiot to go through with the marriage.

No advice other than to say I am in the exact same situation with my ex. He was a vile, abusive man whom I shouldn't have married. However, unlike you, I am only casually dating so not in any real rush to get divorced (other than trying to move on with my life!). I have decided to leave it for now, it's the last "control" he has over me and I am determined Not to get stressed by it. Quite what I will do in the longer term I'm not sure.

Good luck

Cite the unreasonable behaviour. He has nothing to gain and money to lose by contesting it.

Delphiniums plan is really good, I'd follow it.

Remember, it's not XH that 'grants' you a divorce, it's the judge.
In the end, I went with unreasonable behaviour which worked out well as three months into proceedings, XH had stopped responding to my solicitor and his own solicitor.

You have excellent grounds for UB. Take control of the situation - you are divorcing him, as is your right.

My divorce could have been done and dusted in six months at no cost to XH (this was before the legal aid cuts) if he hadn't been a dick . He incurred a load of costs for himself by employing a solicitor because he didn't like the wording of my petition. He actually thought he could tell my solicitor what to say.

My divorce was granted uncontested after three years, as the judge said that XH's refusal to communicate was a clear indication that his behaviour was unreasonable.

Having observed the clusterfuck that has been DP's divorce from an ex with a personality disorder, keep control in your own hands! The option of offering him a deadline to give consent sounds very good. If he doesn't respond, then the ball is in your court.

Choices are: 2 years separated, with consent of both parties.
Unreasonable behaviour
5 years sep without his agreement

So there's always a longstop if you can't go ahead now.

I'd cite unreasonable behaviour now as you can push that through without his signature with a court bailiff serving the papers if needed (£250, I was told). I was in a similar position and opted for papers based on 2 years separation hoping he'd agree but he didn't. It has now been over 5 years and it looks like he's finally agreeing to sign the papers as they are.

I'm so sorry so many others have had to go through/are going through the same situation. On a day to day basis we are amicable to a certain degree but he likes to flare up when he gets the hump about something. Usually when I seem like I'm getting on with things and doing well I think.

The divorce is easy to do yourself if he agrees. What isn't so straight forward is the financial stuff. Even if you don't have much money now, you still need to get a consent order for a clean break, otherwise you or him are potentially liable to maintain each other in the future if your financial position changes. You may recall a case a few years ago of a young hippy man who divorced and then became a multi millionaire through setting up Eco Energy and his money grabbing ex (and her partner) made a claim which cost him a 6 figure sum. When you get divorced you don't want financial ties if you can avoid