New Man, feeling different

[LittleMe2018]

Hello,

I have recently just left my partner of 4 years due to us.... well just drifting apart and feeling like we need to break as we cant resolve anything and I feel he is too selfish and very much into his own things, I never felt like he wanted to be what I truly wanted in someone, so we broke up and we have to sell our house as soon as, which is a real shame, but its the only way to move on.

I have recently, since around March been speaking to a lovely man, who is 48 and he is or seems to be really nice. I don't like to judge and certainly don't like to assume anything bad but he has never been married, his longest relationship was around 4 years and he has two of those but no children and when asking him about this he says its just he is fussy and that nothing else was said around it.

I have never been married too, however engaged and long term relationships and in my late thirties. I am now looking for someone who isn't immature and wants a family life, he says he does and would love children just never met the right person to have a child with.

He use to be really keen overly so and at the time I was just coming out of my relationship and not quite ready, but he has been lovely saying, I will go at your pace, happy to hear from you when you are ready and we wont rush, lets just see where it goes and looking forward to doing things together which are exciting like new places etc. He is very secure in his job, has a great job, great set of friends and loves his life, which appears very different from my ex, who literally never went out with anyone apart from me and was very dull and too intense.

Now I don't want to assume not being married at 48 is a bad thing, because so far he is treating me amazingly well and we get on so well and have pretty much everything in common as well which is so lovely to see and refreshing too. I am taking my time to get to know him and he wants to take me out to great places, dinner and also go away as well, he is not in my face 24/7 overly keen like he use to be and admitted this was wrong for him to act like that..... and now I am enjoying the pace.

My parents on the other hand, saying erm...never been married, not good, could just be he wants fun and thats all and just enjoy it. However thats not how he is coming across nor does he treat me in that way. I feel a little urgh when they say this.

Anyone met anyone like this before, never married when older and he seems very innocent almost and shy but very sorted in life if that makes sense too. He says he knows it worries me that he hasnt had huge long term relationships or family or married but then again he could judge me on the same re marriage and children, for me it was more about timings , career and not sure!

Thank you for reading, am I just being silly as he is lovely towards me. Its been around 3 months now....

I don't know. It seems like relationships lose their shine for him once the honeymoon period is over or maybe he has been unlucky and never met the right person.

Hi, that is interesting you say that, he said to me yesterday interestingly enough, things have a 3 year dying off period like anything, when it gets to three years things start to deteriorate I may just ask him if that is what happens with him like you say, but will see what he says!! interesting...

I am not sure what this means:
'I have recently, since around March been speaking to a lovely man,...'
That sentence makes me wonder if you are actually spending time together in real life or is this an internet / text / email / based friendship?

I meet plenty of people who have been married/in relationships for a decade or more, who will quite freely admit that only around half of that time or less was actually happy or functional - the rest was just trying to make things work or being too afraid of the unknown to leave or staying for the children. Does that make them more successful at relationships than somebody who has only been in shorter relationships because they ended those relationships when they clearly stopped working? Because the former can tell new partners they were married for ten or fifteen years?

So no - I wouldn't assume his history is indicative of anything in itself. But what's wrong with dating and seeing what happens? You don't need a guarantee of his relationship suitability to do that - there are no guarantees of anything regardless of somebody's history. If you're compatible and both want the same things then it will work out. If you aren't, it won't - exactly the same as anyone else.

Hi Villageshop, we met at the gym and started charing, seeing one another, dating, he was away in April for three weeks, I was just coming out of my relationship in February time, so its kind of building up slowly giving each other time to get to know one another if that makes sense.....

That sounds good, OP. I agree with ComtesseDespair, spend time together and get to know each other. His age and not having been married or in a particularly long term relationship doesn't signify anything negative to me.