Dh on the verge of nervous breakdown

[ConfusedWife1234]

Backstory: My dh was diagnosed with ptsd, years ago he felt suicidal but never tried suicide. It was just a feeling.
In the last weeks he has disappeared several times and by disappeared I do not mean that he really disappeared but that he locked himself in the bathroom for two hours and had a bath while we were waiting for him, because we wanted to go out. A few days later he complained about the children’s table manners while he eats like somebody who has been to prison. I wanted to discuss this with him but when I did he told me he was feeling on the verge of nervous breakdown because of the behaviour of the civvies in his workplace, he is their boss but they basically pay very little attention to him and do just as they please. Something that has making him unhappy for a long time and yesterday, they wanted to discuss everything again. Questioned his solutions and it made him feel unable to lead them and that made him feel like he was having a nervous breakdown soon and he might hurt himself. Not like having a nervous breakdown now but have a nervous breakdown soon.

He never had a real nervous breakdown before but he has felt suicidal in the past and he sometimes had a mini nervous breakdown (like starting to tremble and sob, but only for a short time).

Should I tell his family? Should I tell his therapist? What should I do? I have nobody IRL to discuss this with, I discussed this on a board for spouses of people with ptsd but it is not that frequented. Must I act soon?

Umm, CBT is one of the only 2 therapies in the NICE guidelines with a solid evidence base for PTSD treatment. It comes in slightly higher than the other one (EMDR).

So no reason to say it’s ‘not going do much’

the other approaches i also use and Narrative Exposure Therapy and (my favourite) Compassion Focussed Therapy. But there’s not the evidence base for those that there is for CBT.

@Grumpos What kind of therapy did your ex do?
@PsychedelicSheep You said you use this therapies. Might i ask if you are a shrink or a person?
Actually he liked CBT and it helped him a lot with some of the things he is experiencing such fear of crowds which used to be very bad but he was gradually training to do all those things involving crowds again, but I am not sure if it is so helpful with the stuff he is currently experiencing. His therapist does not know that he is feeling on the verge of nervous breakdown yet... but he I am sure he discussed the topic of his perceived inability to lead civvies in therapy.

I’m not sure of the definition of the word ‘shrink’ I thought it meant psychiatrist which I am not but I am a psychotherapist who specialises in trauma.

He needs to be honest with how therapist or it won’t be effective, we’re not mind readers.

Wow, that‘s cool have you as a therapist coached somebody who had a similar problem?

Well I don’t know what his problems are but i work with ptsd more than anything else, my main area is sexual abuse/domestic abuse/rape though, I don’t really work with veterans. A couple of my colleagues do.

I described his problems in the first post of this thread plus he has got also other problems such as fireworks, crowds, having to stand in line at the grocery store, shopping malls (crowded shopping malls are worse than crowds alone because he is not sure where the nearest exit is). This is sometimes a bit difficult for him.
He is afraid that people might die because of little mistakes he makes, for example if he touches something dirty, he is afraid that he might infect them. One day we were having a picnic and dh threw tried to put his litter in the bin but it fell out because the bin was already so full (and remember he does not touch anything dirty, such as the bin) and on our way home he became afraid that an old lady might slip on the litter and hurt herself or that kids might play with the plastic bag, hurt themselves and he became so afraid we had to drive back and fix it... and he is actually afraid that people might commit suicide because he is such a lousy leader at work. He is afraid that the company he works for will go bankrupt (that is not even in his power to bankrupt them, he is not a top manager), people will loose their jobs and they will commit suicide. I actually tried to explain to him how absolutely ridiculous that sounds. Dh often realizes he is being ridiculous. Remember how we had to go back because of the trash? The next day we laughed about how absolutely ridiculous his fear was.
But in this case he is just so heartbroken.

Well CBT can definitely help with all of that (what you described is much more ocd than ptsd) but it’s what clients do between sessions which determines if therapy is successful or not. If he engages well, does the agreed homework and is open and willing to change then he can. If he just goes for an hour a week and offloads to the therapist but then applies none of the interventions then it will be less successful.

People think therapy is like going for a massage where someone does something to you that sorts you out, but it’s much more active than that. If he likes and gets on with the therapist that helps a lot too.

Sorry to comment across both threads but this has more detail in it... So much in your last comment echoes my own experiences. I hated crowds, noises, had the guilty feelings and assuming the worst case scenario to everything etc... These are some of the typical symptoms of PTSD. He will be unable state of hyper-arousal ( jacked up on adrenaline constantly ) so the smallest shock can push him over the edge.

We used to take the kids to Disney every year whilst I was going through this and it was absolutely torture for me. I loved seeing them being happy and enjoying themselves but it had everything which triggered me all in one place multiple times a day. After two weeks holiday I would be a wreck. Of course at that point I didn't realise I was ill. I would give anything to be able to go back and do that again without the influence of the illness. I still feel I missed out on enjoying it so much because of my fear of freaking out..

I also had a phobia about germs and clean hands. After EMDR therapy I realised this came about from an occasion where I had to recover body parts of a friend and then had nowhere to wipe my hands other than my trousers before we ate. The reasons for all of his behaviours are trapped in the primitive part of his brain ( amigdula ? ) And so are triggered as physical responses rather than just a "recollection" and he might not even remember them. EMDR helps move those out of there so that they can be processed as normal memories.

Lots of other good advice on here. Combat Stress save lives. One or both of you can call their hotline.

RLD.