One year after separation... Disney Dad is a fake

[Hurleygirl123]

So, 15 months on, separated, my 3 dds live with me. At outset I have really believed that stbxh would rise to it and have dds regularly and be consistent. Not at all, he, whilst posting fb posts doing wonderful 'educational' activities with his dds, has them sporadically and when it suits him. No change there then.
They do not want to stay as his house is dirty and uncomfortable, he reluctantly concedes this saying 'it's tough for him'.
Separation, and recently divorce agreement are ignored... I now want to pay solicitor to kick his ass.
So upshot is, I have my dds 90% of the time, which I do not mind at all, what I do mind is that he tells all and sundry I'm a cold ice queen depriving him of his beloved dds (and dogs, another story).. Keep me sane mumsnetters...

Yep been there done that. Now twelve years on and eldest an adult he doesn't even bother to see them

They have worked out who they can rely on and who they can't.

I believe in karma and am sure he's going to be a lonely old man someday

Ignore tittle tattle and FB that’ll keep you sane.zero engagement with all the be said,she said drama
Frankly he’ll have mates and family who’ll believe his version events
Nowt you can do about that
So on positive, you have your daughters,you're a tight knit group

Wise words, I do remind myself that I've no control over what others choose to believe.. People who I care about and know me know the truth. Its like after separation I thought I didn't have to worry about the fact he doesn't deal with stuff maturely, but no, I still have to remind /prompt him because its my dds who suffer..

I have been in your exact position, my adult dd now has no contact with him (her choice)
His house was disgusting, her hair never brushed, sent to nursery in pyjamas but oh bless him he was a single dad trying his hardest (for 2 days a week!) and I was an utter bitch for stepping in and putting her first!

Rainbowlou, yes sounds so familiar... It was when my eldest dd texted me from his house saying 'I'm cold, bed has no sheet, one thin pillow and I've got the dogs blanket' that I thought enough was enough. So he was told to raise his bloody standards, and now I feel worried when they stay with him.. I wonder if its deliberate attempt to punish me /spoil my 'freedom' lol..

Omg im in a similar situation, dont know the state of his house. But my stbxh is a bloody nightmare, so so un child focused its unreal, but portrays such a different image.
Returns the children dirty in yesterdays pants, driving off with their toys (there only 4 and 5). Feeding them chips and trying to make them become vegan, not keeping to medical advise and emotionally abusing them!! To name just a few. He's taken me to court twice already in the last 8 months, but then doenst keep to the court order, seeing them when he chooses! He drives me mad.
My daughter was off school ill today, been sick all night and i litually mean all night (about 12 times) also has dihareer, i told him via text, no response.
Hurleygirl Thats dreadful, its like some men just loose focus on their children, its just so so sad.

God is that's terrible 😔, my stbxh switches his phone off (he gives great rant on mobiles and how shallow we all are lol)... So on the occasion I was worried about possible appendicitis in my 9yr 🧓 I couldn't reach him.. Had to leave 13/15 Yr old dds alone in middle of the night to get to out of hrs clinic 😡... Its just bloody irresponsible and selfish... But thence he's on fb spouting about 'broadening their minds!!!

Depressing update folks...so my 3 dds went to stay at his house last night, started getting messages from upset 15yr old dd at 11.30,hes shouting and really angry with the as they were not interested in the film he wanted to watch, he reckoned they had been on screens too long(playing a game they all interact with each other in). For me the worse thing is the fact that he's apparently telling them that they are not allowed to message me in this situation, about the situation! I asked if they wanted to come home, they all did. All picked up at midnight.. I have to have conversation with him today about how angry I am about this, the preventing them from messaging (didn't work), his bitching (not a lot I can do lol) and his worrying lack of sense(had 10 Yr old cut grass with electric mower, he wasn't watching.... Cramming too many people in car.. Shared seat belts!).
I assume he doesn't worry about them when they are with me, but misses them... Whereas I actually worry about their safety with him...

I hope you are keeping those texts for your solicitor and SS.
It sounds awful.

Do not send them to him ever again, its not beneficial to them and clearly not working out. He still wants to control you and otherwise punish you for leaving him using them (he was the self same when you were married to him). If he wants contact with his children then he can go to court, my guess is that he ultimately will not bother.

What do you hope to get from a legal process op?

DD2, now an adult, told her father to fuck off in no uncertain terms the other week after years of him ignoring her in favour of her older sister. It only got worse after he left and she gave him both barrels and now feels like a weight is lifted off her shoulders. Your DDs will realise, and pretty soon, that your ex is a waste of space.