He's in denial

[dm86]

After many many years of ups and downs I have finally ended things with my husband. He hasn’t been an easy person to live with and has been EA and controlling and nasty etc which over time has killed any love I had for him.

I feel nothing but relief now which tells me my decision is definitely the right one. He has agreed to move out when he finds somewhere to live but is in complete denial this is the end. From telling me he’ll still call me his wife and that he’s never taking his wedding ring off, to that in 3-4 years time when I’ve sorted myself out we can be together again. I think he believes that I’m depressed and it’s all in my head.

Has anyone been through this and how have you dealt with it while still trying to be amicable for the kids? He’s still getting upset if I don’t talk to him during the day when he’s at work or if I mention anything about splitting furniture etc. What if he never finds anywhere to live. Am I better off moving out instead? He’s not being nasty and is the complete opposite and being sickeningly nice instead which I think is harder to deal with! I am on my guard as I do believe the nasty side will appear at some point!

If he's in denial then no, he won't find somewhere else.
It will drag on and on and on.
Have you seen a solicitor yet?
See where you stand?
Do you own the house together?
If so, it's hard to get him to leave so you may need to do the moving.

1.You go out and arrange somewhere to rent for you and the dcs (if you've got some)

1. You move out. You will probably have to stop contributing towards running costs of current house because you won't be able to fund two
2. You ask H to put the mat home on the market.

Hi my husband ended it with me but refused to move out. He is EA and Financially abusive. I had to get a solicitor involved and threaten him with a restraining and something else(carnt remember what it was called order). He then moved out, but has been a nightmare ever since, carnt understand why he carnt access the house and the office in the back garden.
I think you have to have your guard up with someone whos EA. Keep a diary of all the things he says and does as you may need this in court in the future. Give him a time limit of when you want him out, this will make it more real. If your carnt pay the mortgage by yourself there is little point in fighting for the family home, as when he moves out its unlikely you will be able to get him to pay half the mortgage, he will claim he needs the money for his own accommodation. Make sure you secure your finances and your financial situation. This will be the first thing that he will go for if it starts getting nasty. You can put a blocker on joint accounts so that he carnt draw all the money out (neither can you) etc etc.

Yeah he's definitely in denial. Although he says he doesn't want to move out but will because its the only way we will 'work'?! I don't think he wants to admit he's lost his control.

I have seen a solicitor who said I have enough grounds to divorce on unreasonable behaviour. We both own the house we are currently in together however due to being made bankrupt nearly two years ago due to a business he had, if we sell the property before November 2019 we will lose the equity in it so really need to hold out until then if we can.

Is it better for the kids if I stay here or do you think they'll adapt if we move out? We have 3dcs under 9. Also I am not currently working although I am actively looking now. Have been offered two jobs but the times didn't fit with the kids even with breakfast club/after school club so I had to turn them both down. How would that stand with renting somewhere if I don't find a job asap.

Am I best to try and keep on the right side of him or bollocks to it and see what happens? He's seen this coming for a long time so I don't understand the complete denial.