Am I overreacting?

[GoodbyeSunshine]

I’ve name changed for this.
I’ve been in my first intimate relationship after a long and emotionally abusive marriage.
After we had sex I made a light hearted comment which he decided to take offence at. It really was trivial- I can’t remember even exactly now.
He then picked his belt up and threatened to hit me with it unless I apologised.
This is a few days ago and I can’t get it out of my head. He says he would never hurt me and was joking, but I felt really intimidated. My gut is telling me to finish the whole thing, but have I just ‘lost my sense of humour’ as he suggested? He threw something which hit me and hurt a while back and dismissed it as he wasn’t aiming at me. I believed him at the time, but now I’m not so sure.
Now I’ve written this down I think I know what I’d say if someone else told me this.

He’s got a key to my door because he sometimes feeds the cat if I’m away. I feel like I want to change the lock before I tell him.
I’VE started re-reading the dominator.

Don't be disappointed in yourself OP - quite the opposite - you've seen a situation that has made you very uncomfortable early on and you've questioned it - nobody would have done anything sooner irrespective of past experience.

I would look the get the key back as easily as you can (even if you have to make up a white lie, I think these situations are fine for that to happen in case he was to get increasingly more threatening).

Definitely not an overreaction.Scary for you but now be brave and get away from him.

Change the locks if you would feel safer.

You shouldn't turn this back on yourself - you've spotted his abusive behaviour, questioned it and are going to act to protect yourself.

This is his issue, not yours.

Get the locks changed and get rid of him

Yep get your locks changed and LTB his behaviour is not acceptable OP

Totally agree with others. You are not over reacting. Change your locks, tell him to leave you alone then block him. Stay strong and keep rigidly to your boundaries moving forward. Don’t be hard on yourself. You’ve identified his abusive behaviour quite early and before it escalates.

you shouldn't feel disappointed in your self !

feel proud that you saw the flag!!

I don't blame you - wickes do locks and barrels can be changed in minutes.

Change the lock and then get rid - and don't give a key out again.

Hi OP. As all the others have said, dump this loser YESTERDAY.

Somebody on here posted this link to a free copy of Lundy Bancroft's book 'Why Does He Do That' which I think you would massively benefit from reading.

unityandstruggle.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf

I worry that you have to ask if you are over reacting ?
It certainly is not normal behaviour that he is displaying to you, do not see this man ever again for your own sake.

Crimson I wondered if I was overreacting because after my last relationship was I just seeing abusive behaviour when it wasn’t there? I didn’t think I was but I think I am a bit sensitised. Someone further back replied that even if it was a joke it was incompatible with my circumstances and that’s true too.
I am really grateful that you’ve all validated what I thought. I am far too embarrassed to talk about this in RL.
Thank you all so much💐

Don’t feel bad about yourself. Be pleased that you spotted a red flag very early on and that you are strong enough to act on it immediately. That’s a good thing!

If he was joking then you would know. As you have concerns I would end the relationship.

I told him we were finished. He said nothing and then phoned me later to ask what the problem was so I said he really scared me and I felt uncomfortable the other night. At which point he just said “What’s the point?” And hung up on me. Isn’t that rather odd behaviour again? But I’ll try not to give it any more headspace, anyway.

Right decision. Block on all counts.

It has made you stop and think.
Gut feeling is usually right.
End the relationship.

Sorry, did not see update. Good for you.

Well done OP.
Hopefully he will back off now but he may not so you will need to block him.
Don't be so hard on yourself.
Your previous relationship will have left all kinds of scars.
Be relieved you spotted it and ended it.
Don't be embarrassed to speak to people in RL.
My friends would never forgive me if I was going through something and didn't speak to them about it so they could help.
Don't shut yourself off.

I'd still change the locks!

I can't possibly see how that was a "joke". If it was his humour is worryingly warped. Don't walk, run.

Well done OP. I also suggest you do The Freedom Programme - it is an eye opening course and will help protect you in the future.

As a man I often think that women overreact about things but in this instance I would run for your life ."Hit you with a belt "- you must be crazy to stay with him.

well done. He sounds like bloody scum bag...