NC again, MN is a busy place!!
Just looking for advise, people who've had happy endings, currently going through this and generally just a hand hold and somewhere to rant!
This is long so bear with me!
Left my 'D'H last year at Halloween, he was PA, EA, FA, and SA, I really was onto a winner there. We have 2 DS 6 & 1. I work FT and am in the house with the boys. Not lucky, just got a barring order so he was warned to stay clear and had no choice but to leave. I thought the worst was telling people I was leaving, it wasn't. Then I thought the worst was waiting for him to leave the house so I could bundle the kids into the car and escape, Then him getting the solicitors letter, then the inevitable back lash and punishment for defying him (yep, he found me. Hence the barring order). I thought, well at least there is a court date, it was the worst day of my life, his solicitor was cruel and he laughed when she told the court how I enjoyed being forced and choked, that being threatened was foreplay, I cried for weeks, still do. The lies, he's sick and part of me thinks he really does believe some of them.
I got the full term for the order of 4 years. Judge told him there would be no appeal, so he literally left the court and lodged an appeal to the higher court. Within 5 mins. I didn't even get to enjoy feeling safe for one night, we're in court in a few weeks again for that hearing.
He then left his job and went on long term sick leave for his MH, you know, coz of stress and some cruel judge took his toy away, so he is now unable to pay his 'usual'. I used to get an allowance of €140 p/w. I know it sounds like a lot but this was to help me pay the mortgage, bills, food, clothes, nappies, uniforms, birthdays, Christmas, loans, tax, insurance. You get the idea, my money was for boring things, his money was for drinking etc. I worked well with the budget and when he left I didn't have to buy his bits anymore so I actually managed to save a few quid. Things were looking up!
Well, I only found out last week that he's been on sick leave since January. The childminder hasn't been paid fully since the kids went on their Christmas break (he pays half direct). She didn't want me dealing with it, she thought he'd come good. (Childcare for two kids is €1150 p/m so the €600 he was giving me covered half).
I'm practical, I smiled (I thought she was going to cry), we have agreed a payment plan and my monthly payments for both kids will go up and I will pay her off in time.
I brought the kids home, we played in he garden, they had dinner, we read stories, they had their bath and went to bed.
I went downstairs and cried, and cried, and cried. I can't cope anymore, I'm tired of smiling and saying that I'll fix it because I can't see the wood for the trees anymore. It all just feels too much.
I was very honest and when I applied for my tax credits and FIS I told them what I thought he'd pay, I can't adjust this for one year. I'm angry and feel stuck. The car insurance is up for renewal, the roof started leaking over winter, I have used my "savings" to pay some of the balance to the childminder which didn't cover anything really, I'm still behind over a grand.
He on the other hand has free legal aid (no income), staying in his mothers house (which she doesn't use so he has a four bed to himself), applied for every credit and payment he could think of. He takes the eldest to hotels and day trips up the country and yesterday i had to water down the baby's fucking milk so I had some for the older fellas breakfast.
I have to believe it will right itself, I just can't see how right now.
Well done if you go this far, I'm trying to not leave anything out but this is the briefest synopsis I could do 