Blackmail

[Dondi86]

I have been having a lot of problems with my ex partner. He is abusive in a number of ways and he has now produced a new tactic - He has been recording our telephone conversations to use as blackmail. One recording is a conversation where I reveal a secret about a close family member and he is threatening to send the recording to people that this secret would really hurt (unless I do what he says). He says he will "bury the lot of us". I don't know what to do - Is he doing anything illegal?? Can I have the recordings deleted..??

The recording the call may or may not be illegal in itself (not 100% sure) but the blackmail element certainly is and I would consider taking the matter to the Police.

Would the secret really be that hurtful to the family? Can you take the power away from him by telling the person whose secret it is that he’s threatening this?

Yes you can and yes it's illegal.
Unless you knew he was recording you and had your permission then it's not OK.
Call 101 and talk to the DV team about all of this.
He cannot record you without your permission.
And blackmail is certainly illegal.
101 and Womens Aid might be able to help as well.
Don't bow down to bullies.
Hard as that sounds you need to stand up to him.
He's a nasty cunt.
He needs bringing down.
Get the DV services involved, they can help you.

How horrible. Yes, to talking to the police. Definitely ensure you speak to a specialist DV officer as they will understand the tactics being used here.

I have told the family member (my brother). He has just this minute got in touch with me and told me he really doesn't care, which has obviously made things a lot easier for me!!

In regards to the police I definitely think I'll take the advice with calling 101. I would like to delete his number and get a restraining order against him, but that means deleting all his threatening messages so I need to sort this out first!

Thank you so much for the replies :)

Just block his number and keep messages.

It's difficult to get rid of him entirely as we have children together.

Oh - that complicates things somewhat but not entirely.
Set up a new email account and tell him to contact you via that only.
How old are the DC?

Nearly 5 and nearly 2

Tell him blackmail is illegal and you'll report him to the police if he continues on this path and that you won't do xy or z. Then simply hang up.

If you have his threats in writing that's your evidence.

Don't even bother telling him your brother knows. He can make a fool of himself if he does say anything.

Blackmail is very much illegal and an extremely serious crime. Make sure you keep any messages he has sent regarding this to show to the police. Just to give you an idea of the seriousness, it’s usually a prison sentence.

I don't even think a prison sentence would scare him. He's stolen my car before when he was drunk (the day I bought it and he hasn't even passed his test!). He got community service and hardly ever turned up for it. He had to go back to court a couple of times to explain why he didn't turn up - He's such a good liar that he actually made the courts believe he DID turn up and that the bloke with a clipboard kept forgetting to put his name down!!!!!!!! He gets out of absolutely everything.

If I were you I'd:

1. tell the police

2. next time he threatens you tell him to go ahead. If your brother is ok with it then your ex no longer has a stick to beat you with

3. stick to texting or emailing him from now on. That way not only do you have a full record of everything said by both of you but it means you can proofread everything you send him, so nothing slips out by mistake

Just to separate fact from fiction, it isn't illegal in the UK to record a conversation even if the other person doesn't know they're being recorded. But it could become illegal if you try to use it for nefarious purposes.

If he just recorded you so that he could remind himself and you what was actually said then that's probably OK. But blackmail, or even threatening blackmail, isn't.

So make sure you've got your facts straight before you go to the police, you'll need some kind of evidence of the attempted blackmail, not just the recording.

Unless he’s demanding money from you in exchange for keeping quiet, he’s not actually blackmailing you, but you should still report it to the police.

Blackmail isn't just about money.

That's not true, Angelf1sh. Blackmail doesn't have to involve money.

Not fact..it is blackmail...look at recent reports regarding this..you can get done..

Anyways have you got any threatening texts from him..if so you can take to police and he will either be charged or have a fine..fact cause my flipping ex done it to me and deleted his replies/threats..fuming as my phone broke and i couldnt prove he done the same...good luck

Blackmail in English law: a person is guilty of blackmail if, with a view to gain for himself or another or with intent to cause loss to another, he makes any unwarranted demand with menaces and for this purpose menaces are unwarranted unless the person making it does so in the belief that he had reasonable grounds for making the demand and that the use of menaces is a proper means of reinforcing the demand.

So, he commits the offence...

Good lord, I hope you get some help with the OP... he sounds despicable..