How to stop being a people pleaser?

[JaneDarcy]

NC as slightly outing.

My DH and I have recently decided to move to another town. Cheaper rent, better lifestyle etc.

His family think it's a fantastic idea.

I'm nervous of telling my family as they'll think it's a terrible idea. I'm mid thirties so old enough to make my own decisions.

Any tips on getting over this?

Anybody?

Why do you care what they think? Who is going to give you grief for this?

You want to do it.
You are happy with the decision.
So they have to suck it up. It's that simple.
If you re a typical people pleaser maybe some assertiveness courses or counselling might help you?
How far away are you moving?

I’m a people pleaser too and I try to combat it by remembering all the things that other people do because it suits them. I realised I worried about upsetting people who always did what was best for them, and I was the one who worried about others reactions rather than why a decision was right for me.

So no quick fix, just a constant reminder to myself that doing what is right for me is enough of a reason to do something, even if someone else wants me to do something differently (or wouldn’t make the same choices I do).

Good luck!

elporto I'm not sure why I care what they think, but I hate the idea of disappointing someone or having them think badly of me.... A hang up from how I was raised I suppose

hellsbells we're moving about 100 miles. Not ridiculously far. Assertiveness course is a good idea

Jeezoh your advice makes great sense, especially the last paragraph. Thanks, I'll keep that in mind, I do what's right for me

I really liked the Cloud and Townsend book on boundaries. It helped me think about things in a better way. Not sure I could tell you what it said now - it's all become second nature. Might be worth a look.

Why would they have a strong opinion about it? Worry for you, or more selfish reasons?

@JaneDarcy I understand - recently realised I'm a people pleaser too. We also moved a similar distance from family, and they weren't happy. It wasn't super easy, but it also wasn't that bad and now we have all settled into the new regime.

Whenever I find myself faltering because my sis gets annoyed with me when I don't visit Mum as much as she does, I firmly remind myself that if her DP wanted her to move to another town, she'd be gone in a heartbeat. The real reason she still lives so close to home is cos she's too chicken to move somewhere nicer. Well, I'm not

Charlotte ( I got my name from the same book as you but mixed in Jane Eyre too!)
Thanks, I'll look for that book.

Their concern would be for me, that I'm making the wrong decision, but without giving me any credit for being an adult who has made other decisions before. Also selfish motives, they won't see us so much

Do yes, my siblings will be annoyed for that reason also, while disregarding the fact that they could also move elsewhere if they were so inclined

Nice - we're novel cousins!