What would you do?

[FairyF1]

I have recently started a job and unfortunately my father has been very unwell. He had a heart attack and on Friday had heart surgery. Is now in HDU. Tomorrow my work want me to go to another part of the country to provide admin support for a meeting (a number of other people in the team will also be going and could easily cover). This will mean I won't be able to see my father - and as I am the only person who visits he will be alone. If anything happens I will be the other side of the country. I have tried to explain the circumstances to my manager but she is adamant I should go. I haven't slept all weekend worrying about what to do.

Your dad is very ill I'd go and be with him. Jobs can be replaced he can't . Your manager sounds horrible. Hope your dad improves.

What an awful situation to be in. You only get one Dad. I would politely refuse.You said they can cover it so boss is being unreasonable. You should check over yr contract (so u r prepared with yr rights if need be). Are u on 3 month probationary? Even if are can they only discipline you? If it went higher than yr boss later than I think anyone would be understanding of yr situation. Hope yr Dad's ok. Sending

Scrap what I said agree with chocolate just go. Your boss is still unreasonable.

Be with your dad.

Go, I feel very sad that you have such an bad manager. I had a member of staff who’s father had a heart attack, she texted me and I said go, take as long as you need, let me know if I can help. That is the normal response I should hope. If your boss gets funny send a message to your director explaining that you are sorry for your absence and that your manager is upset but that you have to put family first. My guess would be he/she won’t be aware of it, plus you have nothing to loose. Hope it works out well x

can you take emergency unpaid leave... I'd be with my Dad too

That's a shocking response from your manager, especially as you're not indispensable! Don't worry about it, noone would ever question or think badly of you for wanting to be with your father, or at least not far away when he's in a critical condition. Hope your father recovers asap xxx

Your boss is being very unreasonable.

I hope your dad had a ok, if you need a hand drafting a formal letter to your employer should the worst happen let me know x

You need to be with your dad. The timing is terrible what with a brand new job and all. I think ultimately you have to be prepared to lose the job, however, if you impress them over the probationary period they might overlook it. You never know. Provide proof that he's in hospital and in intensive care/HDU. You have to simply state that if his health were to deteriorate, you would not be able to get back to his bedside in time.

I'm a firm believer in things happening for a reason. If this job doesn't work out, then it clears your path for bigger and better things.

I lived abroad when my mother went into hospital with cancer.

I left work to fly back home to be with her. The office were getting me to ring them every 48 hours to update them on my expected return date but I didn't know at that point.

After a couple of weeks I found out my mum was terminally ill and rang my boss to ask for unpaid compassionate leave. They said No and I quit on the spot.

I have never regretted it. I got a few precious months with my mum, and got a much better job soon after.

You can always get another job. You can't replace your dear Dad. I really hope he will be okay.

Your boss is appalling. I would seriously consider making an official complaint to senior management. That's a disgraceful way to treat an employee.

*You can always get another job. You can't replace your dear Dad. I really hope he will be okay.

Your boss is appalling. I would seriously consider making an official complaint to senior management. That's a disgraceful way to treat an employee.*

^THIS. I hope your dad makes a full and swift recovery.

Just to say, the rate of success for this kind of op is very high these days. Good luck

Speaking from experience- health first - work last.

Are you in a union, OP? If not, and you have the opportunity, join today!

I would be saying to line manager (via email so you've got an evidence trail) - my father is very ill, possibly terminally. I am not willing to travel out of area during this time. I propose that X, Y and Z can facilitate the meeting in Bumsville. I will be happy to transcribe notes/transfer to spreadsheet/bring them coffees/whatever once they are back in the home office.

Thanks for your understanding on this matter."

Please let us know how it goes OP, my heart sank for you reading how heartless your manager has been :( What did they even say, I literally can’t imagine how that conversation would go?!

I unfortunately had a vaguely similar experience when my dad was critically ill in hospital and we all thought he wasn’t coming out. I’m only 24 but my dad is in his seventies; when I told my manager his response was something insinuating that because he was of a certain age my manager seemed to deem him old enough to die and therefore not really a big deal