In competition with his adult child?

[HennaTattoo]

So...seeing a guy for a few months. Ready to be told I'm unreasonable...He has a daughter who lives with him, she is a late teen. I've not met her. They are constantly texting, sending silly pics, they socialise together, him with her friends ( yes really) and he takes her out with his. Before you say it's a wife or he's cheating..no it's definately his daughter. It's all " in jokes" and his phone is pinging and ringing at any hour constantly. He always gets it and responds. They seem absolutely obsessed with each other. Am I being silly here? Just for context, in the amount of time it took us to ehem get" intimate" which wasn't that long to dtd, he had 12 pics sent and 6 messages from her.... Thoughts? Ditch and run? Or normal??..and yes he reached for the phone immediately afterwards

What, what? She gives him massages! That’s SO weird!!! run as fast as you can!!

Never heard spousifying before this so googled it but yes, this is what it's like. Looks like the only thing to do is walk. Theres more but i darent say as its too outing ( not sexual or anything like that) I'm just hacked off that I'll be single yet again. But I feel like a spare part anyway so that's that. Good to know most of you think it's ott though.

This sounds super weird! If she's late teens shouldn't she have a life? Makes me wonder what he'll be like if she gets a boyfriend/girlfriend and she doesn't have as much time for him. Sounds icky, sorry OP. Definitely run away.

OK that age gap makes it even weirder. Could maybe see them getting away with it a bit if he had her at like 16, but it's still very strange. Shame you're single again but you'll find someone better.

She's not allowed a boyfriend.

It’s not normal father/daughter behaviour. It’s not going to change for the better so cut your losses and get out now. Find a more normal man.

She's not allowed a boyfriend at 19? Wasn't that a giant red flag for you? He sounds controlling and possessive of her virginity.

Not allowed a boyfriend? Oh god feel sorry for the girl. She's never gonna have a normal life.

Run run for the hills

No she has to have someone chosen and remain a virgin until marriage

OK it got weirder, just walk away.

No she has to have someone chosen and remain a virgin until marriage hmm that explains a lot then! He is obviously overly invested in her as his property. Run like the wind!

that part is a culture thing

I wouldn’t be comfortable at all, you ate and will always be second best to this weirdness.

Ditch and find someone with a normal child - parent relationship. I am all for close families, we are so close and are very affectionate but this is too much with the bed stuff and massages. My dh massages my as sore shoulders after skirt, always standing up, fully dressed and careful of boundaries

Yuck!

Run for your life! Beyond weird.

Chalk it up to a cultural thing and run, like the wind.

How's she supposed to find someone to marry her if she can't date? Surely he knows choosing her husband isn't going to end well and it's beyond hypocritical he can date and have sex but his adult daughter can't. They sound over invested in each other it's just too weird, I'm close to my mum and we send each other funny memes and videos to each other but no where as frequently as what your describing! I also don't like the fact that she gives him massages just gives off gross vibes, it's like he's groomed her to be his stand in wife almost, that's probably part of the reason he won't allow her to move on. I'd run for the hills if I were you and tell his daughter to do the same!

I've been seeing an amazing guy for a month now. We're besotted with each other and spend a lot of time together.

He's a dad to a 22 year old and a 15 year old, both girls. They are very very close, they text several times a day, see each other daily, if they can't, they speak to each other. They go shopping and eat out together.

I'm not in the slightest bit jealous or concerned. He's a great dad, and I think it's great they enjoy each other's company.

I think you need to find a chap without kids because you're not willing to accept his kids come first.

I think the level of closeness is far beyond normal, ilovewelshrarebit. Constant messaging is suffocating. Her not being allowed to date is weird. He’ll never give the OP his full attention. It doesn’t bode well for the future, does it?

That poor poor kid

She's not allowed a boyfriend at 19! This all sounds very weird.

That’s not normal. Far too much codependency going on. Massages from a 19yo daughter who he cuddles with whilst watching TV in bed! Almost every teen I have ever known would not stand for this. They both sound immature. I don’t think it is healthy tbh. I love my child more than life, but don’t want massages from him. He wouldn’t want loads of texts and messages from me all the time, because he has his own life.

However, I do think people are right about you needing to go out with a man who doesn’t have kids, because they should come first.

Your instincts on their relationship are right, so I would not continue the relationship because there isn’t room for you I’m afraid. I wouldn’t want to be with a person who thought this was normal.