friend has become 'smug married' is it just a phase?

[soggydigestive]

When we met we were both single, then about 9 months later she met a boyfriend. I'm genuinely happy for her. At first I understood she wanted to be with him and not go out or text as much, but we have still kept in touch. Lately in particular I'm finding it difficult - I'm pretty happy single (I have dcs) but she doesn't seem to get this. She makes suggestions how I can meet someone, and how things all worked out for her when she was least expecting it and that sort of thing. I don't want to be pitied, I have said (and mean) I'm fine if I don't meet someone for the foreseeable, but am finding it increasingly irritating and condescending really. Do I just grit my teeth and try to ignore? Just wondered if anybody else has experienced similar. Btw I have plenty of married friends who aren't like this at all, and I've been married myself, in the past.

I don't think it's just a phrase!

There are some people who are so relieved to have met somebody that they start pitying single people, but it's based on their own fear of being alone in the future really.

Reality is, some people cope brilliantly with being single and others cling to a passing raft.

There's nothing to feel smug about nine times out of ten. It's fear.

others cling to a passing raft

^made me laugh

she sounds painfully annoying OP..... avoid her ...

What User314 said. I think a lot of ‘smug’ behaviour stems from fear and relief that it’s not them.

Did you mean 'just a phase' and it autocorrected to 'phrase'?

Whether she stops this behaviour depends on her personality. You could ask her whether she intends to have the same conversation with you every time you meet, because you feel it's cutting into the time when you could be talking about something new and interesting rather than rehashing the same thing over and over with no new outcome.

If you meant 'phrase' then yes it is a phrase, but not a meaningless one, there are genuinely people around who are annoying because they think everyone should be aspiring to the relationship that they have.

I had to re-read it about 3 times to check I said phase although it is a phrase too I guess, and for good reason.
thanks all it's interesting to talk it over and yes I think that is very true maybe she is afraid of being single again as I think she was keen to meet somebody. It helps to think of it like that actually, as it makes more sense.
I get that she wants to go out as couples (she has said that) but I don't want to feel inferior being single and sadly I do feel our relationship is suffering a bit now and I don't look forward to seeing her as much as I know she will try to 'fix' me and my singleness.

Oh, you did. Why did I read 'phrase'? My mind is autocorrecting itself. It's age.

I hope it's a phase.

I'm newly married and do feel lucky but I was single for ten years (few flings) and mostly loved it! If things didn't work out I would be broken hearted of course but I wouldn't mind the being single part again as I love my own company and I'm quite content.

My best friend is like this but more subtly about children. She doesn't bring them
Up now but I can tell she totally pities me because I am not making any plans to have kids. She once said that if she didn't have kids she would have to take up sailing or an adventure sport or something to make life exciting/meaningful

Sorry that was to blackamericano

That sounds annoying arghouch - a smug parent! just as irritating. Bizarre to think only certain things make life meaningful.
I feel like you did when you were single I think. I'm perfectly happy and have a nice life. If I met someone lovely then great, if not then I still intend to have a nice life.

My friend went like this.

Once the bloom was off the rose for her, she sort of came right again. But not completely tbh.

It might be good to set your friend right really clearly. "Friend, you're coming across as if you feel sorry for me being single. Could you stop? It's a bit cringey. Thanks."

She's really unlikely to be aware she's doing it and a quick shock of embarrassment might be enough to get her to have some insight into her behaviour.

having kids only distracts you temporarily from the fact that your life has no meaning.

Maybe nobody's life has ''meaning'' but having children doesn't help you find your raison d'etre.

Yes maybe I do just need to try confronting it head on like that prizeoik

Tell her not everyone relies on cock to be happy so if she is happy with cock carry on but stop trying to put cocks your way cause we aint all cock mad lol she might feel embarrassment then

Sadly its not just cock though shammy1b It is like I am half a person who must be dreaming of my knight in shining armour.

Get her to read The Handmaid's Tale....should sort matters out...

At least your friend is being kind compared to mine who I now consider an acquaintance if that rather than a friend. Mine thinks she's the master of all wisdom in all aspects of life because she's married (I am very happy for her and I love her children) . The stroke that broke the camels back was when she told me that if she was my ex who abandoned me with our baby and is not bothered, she will be glad she didn't marry me because I disagreed with her on something. She's said so a few times in the past but this time I had had enough

good heavens trustnoone that's awful! good that you walked away.

good idea pallasathena

My sister in law once told me that she and my brother thought that life wasn't worth living without kids (they have two), life wouldn't have been worth living. I was going through fertility treatment (which she knew).
The look on her face when I asked if My husband and I should jump off a bridge if the fertility treatment failed!

wishing that is so insensitive and ridiculous of her it beggars belief. What a stupid thing to say.

@soggydigestive she's said more awful things believe me but I am glad I am rid of her and now I sit and think about it she's not a nice person. Wish I had realised it sooner.

Wow @wishingitwasfriday your sister in law was very insensitive.

I've been there with a friend! Dp and I have been together since teens (19ys now!) and have never had any inclination to get married. We of course live the same type of lifestyle as others who are married with dc's etc. This one friend was with her Dp for about 5yrs when he proposed. After the wedding she was constantly banging on about how good marriage was, and wouldn't I like the same (not sure to this day what she thought they were doing that we weren't that was so amazing) Ironically he divorced her a year after the wedding, so part of me thinks banging on about it is just trying to convince yourself that something is right when it isn't.

That's interesting songforsal I think it is interesting when people want everyone else to be the same as them, why that is.