So sick of crap men

[lazyjournalistslovethissite]

Name changed as don’t want to out myself as I’ve had a right good moan about this lately. I hate the daily mail - if you’re a journalist looking for fresh meat, fuck off.

I seem to have had a bad run of weird men combined with ones that seem nice then turn creepy.

First we had the guy who would not stop texting and going on and on about how pretty I was and asked me out. It took a day or so of Him constantly texting, but I told him he was too full on and I didn’t want to date him. It stopped for a bit then he kept finding excuses to message me. He’s stopped again as after being polite, then telling him to stop, I just completely ignored everything he sent. Annoying.

Then next guy seems nice enough (met this one online) and we go for a few coffees. Nice, quiet and makes clear he’s looking for a relationship. Great. Then he gets drunk and starts texting me asking me if I was inviting him over or just a tease. I don’t even know where it came from

Second online dating guy seems nice, all very civil chit chat and arranging to meet for coffee until he starts boasting about how much “stamina” he has and all he’s learned about sex. It’s not something I want to discuss with a guy I’ve never met.

Finally, lovely guy I know starts messaging me one evening and we have a chat about how we’ve not seen each other for a while. Fine. I fall asleep and wake up the next morning to 10 missed video calls and several offers of seeing him naked.

I’m just so hacked off with the way every conversation seems to turn at the moment. I’m not a prude, but I’m a relationship kind of girl and I’m pretty clear about that. Why can’t they read the social cues?

Is it me? Is it men? I’m just coming off dating sites and stopping looking as I’m just getting so frustrated with it. I don’t want to be alone forever, but I want to meet someone who isn’t a creep.

I could have written this myself... in fact nearly did yesterday as I was feeling so pissed off with it all. I want to date, have some kind of meaningful relationship. How the hell that will ever happen I don’t know. Most men’s idea of a date is showing up on your doorstep, or even better, you showing up at theirs! That’s if your conversation gets that far.... most of the conversation starters this week haven’t got past “hi” before they start discussing their sexual needs. Sadly age doesnt seem to make any difference.

I found my thread .

Interesting the reasons traith, mpeters, Ryder and Jenny put forward. I am completely stumped at the kind of men who appear in my age group (50s) on online dating, so thankfully have made very little contact and been on very few dates, but even they've been crap. PS. My advice - ALWAYS use a second pay-as-you-go phone for online dating. The lack of respect and the sex thing is awful though, completely unacceptable (but I guess also why such creeps are still available).

Was a member of The Times Dating for 3 months and nearly every profile, byline and photo was beyond weird - and utterly unnattractive. Completely flummoxed by it to be honest. All I can think is that OLD has become a vessel for undesirable men to have at least a try at getting a woman and I suppose you can't blame them for that. But I'd rather strip wallpaper than actually go on a date with any of them.

The rare (like hens teeth) OK looking chap who sounds vaguely OK nearly always wants someone younger and other entitled extra attributes (fit, blah blah).

I do suspect nearly all the good ones are taken and feel a bit How Did I forget to Hook Up with a Nice One. But that was not to be my life, and I had my reasons.

Oh god the age fetishism, I forgot to mention that aspect ! Apparently unless I’m willing to accept men 10+ years older than me then I won’t get a look in They never accept it the other way round though.

Yes the age thing is annoying... I'm 44 but younger in my head & only seem to get messages from 50+ or under 30 asking if I like younger guys...

No I don't I want a normal decent guy around my own age who wants to date.. not re-capture his youth with a dolly bird or shag around behind his wife's back!!

PS. My advice - ALWAYS use a second pay-as-you-go phone for online dating.

But, why?

I never have and it's never caused me any problems and I've internet dated on and off for several years (with the same number).

Just block people, forget they exist! There is no danger in someone knowing your phone number.

I guess they could maliciously share your number if you really infuriated someone?

They could - that's never happened to me as far as I know, and I've met some right weirdos. But, even if they did, what's the worst someone can do? Phone you?

Just block them, it can't go on forever.

Many years ago, pre OLD, I used to chat to random people on ICQ. I 'met' a guy who wanted me to go to London to meet him, I gave him my phone number, he kept calling me (landline, pre the common use of mobiles) and told me he would come and punch me if I refused to meet him. He said he was in the army and could easily get my address. Hilarious.
Told him to fuck off and if I ever heard from him again I'd call the police. There was no blocking of numbers then. I never heard from him again. Odd that.

Your phone number is increasingly tied to your social media identity. You can find people on Facebook through their mobile number (if their permissions aren’t locked down properly) for example. I wouldn’t want that to happen. The digital world invades our privacy too much already as it is.

Probably a bit OTT of me VanGogh saying ALWAYS! But I think it is a useful general policy for some - I actually do feel quite vulnerable when I'm doing online dating - perhaps being a single parent is part of this too.

Its one reason why I don't do it much. There are some seriously strange weirdos out there - though the vast majority are probably harmless I agree. But I want to control my contact with said weirdos. Then I just feel less vulnerable, when I think they know less about me, and I am controlling the contact. I got a nasty message from someone after a date a few months ago when I didn't want to see them again (they looked really very weird in real life, nothing like their photos and at least 15 years older). Put me off OLD big time. Anyway, with a PAYG I would just have blocked immediately.

I agree though, the vast majority of normalish men would just delete your number after an unsuccessful date or contact.

Jennys point also worth taking into consideration.

OK, well, mine isn't - so maybe that is the message "don't tie your mobile number to SM" (I think FB have removed that function now, by the way).

I think older men get bored with menopausal women & the subsequent drop, in sex drive as nothing changes for them.

Shows how one dimensional some men are

@dilly123

Yes the age thing is annoying... I'm 44 but younger in my head & only seem to get messages from 50+ or under 30 asking if I like younger guys...

I'm relieved it's not just me then!
IME the under 30's scare away very easily when you call their bluff

And the 50+ group that I've come across aren't that great. I agree with the pp who said about some men in this age group being unwilling to compromise on their little routines in order to let you into their lives.

I haven't completely given up hope on meeting soneone because I know there are still a few decent men out there.

I'm going to stop looking and throw myself into a couple of DIY projects I've been putting off and start some new hobbies.

This thread has made me feel much better. I’ve never received a dodgy picture either, just offers which is when I delete them.

My favourite was the guy who identified from my profile that I’m a royal fan and messaged asking if I’d like to see photos of his Prince Albert - I had to google it

God OP , sounds awful . Have you tried joining any local clubs - community gardening , choir, walking group, whatever interests you......good for the soul and you might meet someone !

I think the problem I have, and it could be an age thing (40s-50s), is that I'm looking for something more free, honest, intelligent - and it doesn't seem to exist. Its just sad to see such sleaziness and/or opportunism with men my age on OLD. I haven't said never at least not just yet; but I'm not rating my chances.

Bea they’re all good suggestions but as awful as this sounds, I don’t want more friends and that’s what would happen. I have a pretty busy life - I guess just not places single men go (like Church - they all marry super young)

I think it is because men OLD have sweetshop mentality and my experience is that they think women in my age group (30s) are desperate to settle down so they literally take advantage- literally post 30s-mid 30s men have a serious advantage online.

I still believe majority of men OLD are only interested in sex and you would literally have date LOADS to find the one! This is with seemingly decent men as well. I dated a dr who turned out to be a user and narcissist with a pd as do many, not all but many, male drs who haven’t settled by 35 (I think I can say this being a dr too!) He was supposedly perfect on paper for me but lied about his feelings towards me and in the end wasted my time and caused a lot of upset.

OLD dynamics have changed relationships for the worse and social media and APS have a lot to to answer for- promiscuity, unrealistic demands about sex, cheating you name it. It is all a very sad state of affairs!

Hi,
I was you, two years ago nearly.
I’d gone on a few dates from OLD an they were rubbish, even after I’d strictly filtered (or so I thought).
I was online deleting my profile when I got a message ping, thinking it was saying about deleting profile, it was a message from my now dp, the rest is history!
Someone did give me a good analogy though.... they said if you went into a pub/club as only woman an could chat to all of the men , say 30 of them, only 10 may appeal to you. After going on a date it may be whittled down to 3- that’s just how OLD is really- just gotta get through the 30, then. 10 then 3- easier said than done I know when they all seem to be about sex.
I wonder if it’s because sex is the biggest thing they miss in a relationship, an apply that rule to women?
When I’ve chatted to male work colleagues though, there are a few women they’ve chatted to, who invite the guys to their houses(often with children sleeping upstairs) who just invite them over for sex. I think until those women stop doing that, they ll begin to get the view a lot of women on these apps are the same?

I can totally relate to this. There are more men than women on OLD but most of them are time-wasters just out to try their luck for a quick shag.
I have tried paid and free sites and have had fewer dates from the paid sites. Possibly fewer time wasters on there, but fewer people all round. Surfing through the crap, I've been on internet dates with 30+ men, none of whom appeared to be weirdos, and it's come to nothing.
I have had far more success meeting people in real life as you can tell in the first few minutes if there is an attraction. Possibly I come across really badly online. I have recently met a very nice single man (40s) who does not do texting, despite working in IT. He would never do well at OLD, as he doesn't like messaging, but he's great in person

True GoHack. But I think one of the problems with online dating as a genre is that you set up a particular "idea" of someone before you meet them, which can be tricky, as most of us imagine we are meeting someone who doesn't exist except in our heads. So everyone is set up for confusion and disappointment a lot of the time. Dishonest profiles obviously make this worse of course. E.g. thinking you are meeting someone 'interesting' who when you immediately meet them you realise is simply not the case, or worse they seem totally weird (hence my CringeFest name!) Meeting a whole bunch of men in a pub is not the same, because you would not have such 'expectations' and 'imaginings', and you would get an immediate impression, even though statistically you are possibly right you would not have to have gone through all that.... I find the whole thing incredibly confusing, and hats off to anyone who has managed to get through it all and found someone they like.

I also wonder sometimes, since I've not had a partner for years, perhaps it was just not to be in my case. Either no-one I've met for years is my type, or I'm quite possibly not really the type to settle down in a traditional way.

Cringefest- possibly our theories run alongside each other an I agree that u may build up in your mind a picture from speaking to someone.
I also think that I’m not a “partner” person an my DP would probably agree 80% of time.
I’m busy with two teen sons, ft job, pets, ageing parents.
But luckily for me , he’s more grounded an acccepts these things..... an I nearly didn’t reply to him as was deleting profile (so he’s lucky too)

Cringefest-yes that's true re false expectations.
I think OLD does not really reflect the way that humans naturally make connections. There are enough people who have success with it through sheer chance that the rest of us keep going.
My ex is a real wordsmith and could impress anyone online but was much less impressive in person.

Oooh can I join in the Party?
Yep - mid 50's, divorced single parent and very happy in my own skin. After 10 years of being on my own, I thought I'd give OLD a go as I just wasn't meeting Anyone At All (was working in a mainly female occupation when I started looking).

So, I joined that over 50's dating site OurTime and I was on it for 6/12, and tried, really tried. I was proactive, sent out messages to men I would like to meet as well as answering those who had looked at my profile.

I was cross to find that it was merely a branch of Match . com and even crosser to find that I was getting a lot of responses back from blokes who were 65+ despite me setting an upper age limit. WTaF is that all about? What do I have in common with someone 10 years older than me? Some got equally cross because I didn't respond to them.

I also tried Classic FM dating (that was even worse.......75+), didn't fancy trying PoF, and lost the will to live filling out the E-Harmony questionnaire.

I started running a year ago - but have yet to meet anyone! I mentioned it as an interest and some of the responses were unbelievable.......lots of 65+ men, desperate to meet me, yeah yeah yeah we could run around the world together.

Er no, you may be fit but you're Still Too Old!! Some wrote essays in the vain hope that I would change my mind. Most of these were accompanied by pics of wizened men in lycra.....I had to laugh, because I would still be weeping otherwise.

My mates who are coupled up can be a bit insensitive about it all - I didn't tell them the half of it because I soon became The Entertainment; they couldn't wait to hear about the next instalment.
They never seemed to know anyone who they thought I would get on with or they would steer me clear of men who they said were single 'for a very good reason'. So that route wasn't going to be yielding any leads any time soon.

I'm also thinking of joining a Choral Society in September; will probably find all the men there are 80+.......

So, I have decided to just leave it all alone.
I'm not angry, bitter, resentful or jealous. I have a lot to be grateful for; I live in a lovely place, have lots of friends, interests, and time now that I've taken early retirement. It would be lovely to share that with someone, but there is no way I'm going to become a 'nurse or a purse'....

Good for you, Echidna! Very much my attitude too. Whenever I feel a bit lonely I have a look at some of the absolutely appalling behaviour from men on the relationships threads and I thank my lucky stars I’m free of that.

pics of wizened men in lycra.....I had to laugh, because I would still be weeping otherwise

^ made me laugh. Its online Planet Zog out there in your 50s . You get the odd Peter Pan wanting someone two decades younger, but most of the men online have aged badly, have little to offer, and still want someone younger! I can think of 100 things more fun to do!!