Is this a red flag?

[LeChatDeNuit]

I met somebody today from OLD. He has a daughter but he very rarely sees her because his exDW apparently withholds contact. She blocks and unblocks him. He says it was a very difficult divorce but didn’t do the ‘crazy ex’ line.

I’m confused. Surely his exDW couldn’t withhold contact with his young daughter without good reason? He claims he’s playing the ‘long game’ and thinks he’ll have a better chance of having regular access to his daughter if he waits for things to ‘blow over’.

Can anybody enlighten me?

Oh x post yes better off leaving it

Yeah sounds like you're best off leaving it. Without saying what the other things were, looks like you already know it's a bad move

Don’t worry about his response, just block him then move on to to the next one. OLD is a bit like this, you have to kiss many fronts before finding the right one (I’m still kissing frogs).

It's a tough one to call. I dated someone briefly who had these kind of issues going on and he genuinely was finding things very hard 're access. However we did finish as he just didn't have the capacity for a relationship with the amount of drama going on in his personal life.

You could say give him some space to get sorted and step away for a bit and then see what happens. It's exhausting being part of someone else's family drama.

Sorry just read that there were other red flags!

It is very odd he isn't even trying to get access. Maybe he knows he won't win? Maybe he doesn't care? To tell you he isn't trying to get access is revealing private information to be honest, so why not reveal more? Especially when that makes you sound bad.

Add on top the lovebombing and potentially not being able to say no, likely scenario is that for whatever reason, he knows he won't win in court. Best to avoid.

Withholding contact, even with an access order in place is very easy to do. The courts will do almost anything not to penalise the parent (usually Mum) doing it and the person trying to get access will have to wait for months between hearings, only to find that nothing changes.

The court will issue a “new” access order, verbally slap the offender on the hand and do nothing more to enforce it. Very occasionally they’ll run out of patience and switch access over, but it’s rare.

An old friend of mine burned his way through multiple tens of thousands trying to get an access order enforced. The exW would ignore the order, so he’d have to pay for another hearing and wait months to get a date. She’d either not bother to turn up, meaning the date was reset another month or two further ahead, or promise she’d do better when the court sat - only to ignore it again almost immediately, which forced him back through the process. He’d been to court 10 or 12 times in 4 years. She was allowed to carry on doing it, constantly telling their DC that “Dad can’t be bothered to see you”

My own experience of “family” court means that, if I’m ever asked whether it’s worth it to try, I’ll tell other Dads to save their money and try their best to pacify the ex / give in to whatever blackmail they’re trying on. It’ll be cheaper and probably more effective. The court will do sweet FA.

I personally think it is a sad perception that us women feel we have to red flag men because they have fell out with partner and there is baby mother drama...I am telling you..i speak to ALOT of single moms that withhold contact just out of spite..there are good men and dads that get restricted...doesnt mean YOU cannot date them..talk about judgemental

Red flag is mentioning kid slagging AND off ex OR not mentioning kid at all...

Meant mentioning kid and slagging ex off..pet hate of mine the slating of exs.