Can you become an NON abuser?

[TROUBLEDMAM]

Can a person who has been physical emotional and mentally abusive to their partner be "fixed?" Cured? And then be able to live again with that partner they abused ?

No I haven't abused anyone

I very much doubt it.

Unlikely,it’s a habitual pattern of behaviour intrinsic to that individual
If there are enduring triggers eg rage,alcohol,jealousy they’ll resurface

No.

No.

no. It is incurable. The mental abuse usually stems from narcissism, which is not possible to be cured from. A narcissist has to see what they are before they can change, so by the very nature of the condition, they wont so cant. Sorry op.

Yes it's possible and it happens. It's just very rare so I wouldn't risk it if I were you

It's rare, and you need to time for it to bed in safely - have you got 5-10 years available for the initial changes? Possibly longer.

No. Sorry. For some reason, they aren't able to value the person they abuse. They don't recognise them as as important as themselves. They cannot put their own wants second to their victims needs.

Namechanged for this.
Been with dh for 8 years. After the first year of our relationships he became abusive. It went on for about 2 months. I have no idea why I stuck it out. Instead of leaving i decided i wasnt going to take his shit. So after that when he hit me, I hit back. This made it ten times worse. For another 6 months.
I left. He begged for me to come back. And I did. Nothing ever happened again. From either of us.
That was over 6 years ago. I can't say what fixed it. We didn't have any kind of counselling or help.
No one can advise you on what to do. You know the person your with. If you don't think he is going to change then don't go back.
Also if you have children then don't go back at all. I didn't have children and would never have stayed if I did

There are some people who are abusive together, IYSWIM. So with a different partner it works better.

I have worked with convicted perpetrators and with long term group and 121 intervention, desire to change and ability to take full responsibility yes abusers can stop abusing, but of the hundreds if not thousands of men I worked with only a small proportion did a full 180, however a fair proportion changed enough, they were no longer abusive, still had stuff to work on, but I've received a lot of positive feedback long term from social care and our victims officers, I started out as a victims officer myself and one of the reasons I changed to work with the perps was a heartfelt letter from a 12 year old girl saying she felt like she had her old dad back and her mum was so happy now. It's very very difficult and even more so without intensive professional intervention, but it is possible.

You need to be willing to admit that you fucked up. Then get help from professionals. If you were to be abusive you also need to be prepared for your partner to say that they are too scared, and cannot trust you.

While I think abusers can (sometimes) change if they rake responsibility and with a lot of professional help, I don't think a relationship with the previous abused partner is realistic.

If it were me, I would always be on edge in anticipation of the abuse starting again which means the relationship would be false and doomed to fail.

It's very hard to trust that an abuser has changed when in all likelihood the partner has lived with promises to change for a long long time.