How much contact does your partner have with ex?

[Andrewsgirl]

Today 17:20 Andrewsgirl

Hi

Just wondered our often your DP was in contact with their ex?

My fiancé texts his ex wife maybe 5-10 times a day! Is always about the children or sharing photos, I am just beginning to feel like it's encroaching on our lives more that I would like.

We've come away for a weekend away and we're walking along the street last night (he was using his photo to navigate) we stopped at traffic lights and I leant over to kiss him and saw he was replying to a message to his ex. This has happens 3 or 4 times today while we've been sight seeing, they're chatting to each other about stuff about the kids. Nothing urgent, things such as hair cut and a forgotten trial session a sports clubs.

I did tactfully bring it up that I was feeling uncomfortable and my fiancé did say he was worried about how I felt but said their friendship was very important to him as was his ex wife's happiness !!!!

Please don't get me wrong I want them to be friends and have a good working relationship for the sake of the children. I just feel like the constant contact is an intrusion on our time together.

Not sure if I'm being rationale.

Sorry if this isn't the right part of the board to post.

Thanks x

None, but DH doesn't have kids I think that makes a difference. It's positive he wants to maintain a good relationship with kids' mum, from these boards that seems rare!

Yeah as the above poster said least he actually isn't a dick and has a good relationship with his kids mum. They will always talk they have kids together. But he isn't with her as the relationship didn't work.

That’s a really unnecessary level of contact. Your his partner now, her happiness isn’t more important than yours.

My husband has minimal contact with his ex. Contact is arranged by email. If one of the DC is off school sick the parent the DC are with will send a text to notify the other. That’s pretty much it. They each get all comms from school so no need to share any of that. They’re not friends, they each have relationships.

I know he's chosen not to be with her any more, and is choosing to be with me. Just feel this is an unnecessary amount of contact, beyond what is needed to co parent. I said to him last night that I was sure there was a part of him that still loved her and he didn't deny it!

I think that's honest you will always have a certain type of love for the person that gave you your children, but it doesn't mean he's in love with her or wants to be with her, he sounds open at least

Bloody loads. They’ve three kids. She comes round for tea. I’d rather that than email relaionship only. Makes weddings, funerals and bah mitzvhas much easier.

It’s probably a good thing.

My contact with my ex varies. We are on friendly terms now he has a new girlfriend and has stopped being such a dickhead.

We have maybe three or four text conversations a week. 90% about the kids. 10% gossiping about two highly dramatic situations. But his new gf is included in those conversations. Half the town knows about one now its in the papers and my ex was directly involved with people from the other.

He doesn't talk to me any differently whether his gf is there or not there's nothing dodgy about it.

I will say, I would expect him to leave her messages for an appropriate time. I don't reply to my ex unless it's an emergency if I'm busy. I expect the same from him. I would be mortified if I messaged him and he let his girlfriend sit there like a lemon while he chatted to me!

I am on excellent terms with my exh but no way do we have that much contact. We message maybe a couple of times a week just about when he is having DS or school events etc that I think he might want to go to. Occasionally we have a friendly chat on the phone about what we've been up to. I do not have any kind of love for him, I respect him as the father of my child but I'm not concerned about his personal life.

He's on holiday currently with his girlfriend and I won't be contacting him until he gets back. That's their time.

I only contact my ex once a week to confirm contact arrangements, via text or fb messenger.
I would call him in an emergency, only happened twice I can think of in 8years one if those was when my grandmother died very suddenly.
Would also call regarding anything that couldn't wait or that I thought his input was needed such as when ds was a sod at school again very very rare occurrence.
Don't really see the need for anything more, we're not friends but mostly friendly towards each other for sons sake. I don't love him or have any feelings towards him at all really other than wanting him to be there for ds. We do occasionally have lunch all together with his parents when they visit from overseas but again twice a year at most.
Any new partner of mine that had a problem with any of that would get short shift.
The level of contact you describe seems excessive and intrusive. The fact he didn't deny he still has feelings would really bother me.
How long ago did they split up?

Not much. Just to confirm arrangement with children or to exchange important information or discuss expensive purchases for them which they split. She also calls in emergencies which is fine. They don't have long drawn out chats though. Trivial information is shared at handovers.

. I said to him last night that I was sure there was a part of him that still loved her and he didn't deny it! the fact that he loves his ex is imo an insurmountable hurdle in your not the fact he messages his ex a lot

He probably messages her because he still has love for her. Her happiness is still so important to him as well. Why did they split up?

I really couldn't manage to be in a relationship like that. This will always be in your marriage. You'll be on a family day out and he'll be messaging her.

I don't agree that you will always love a parent of your child. That's simply not true.