He's never said it. But from the odd line he'll come out with in an argument he clearly does.
We've had 2 DCs close together and I was really poorly throughout both pregnancies so it meant him doing the lions share at home whilst working full time, which must have been really hard for him, but I didnt get a lot of empathy at how unwell I was, severe nausea and time off work, SPD to the point I couldnt walk, infections, diabetes etc. Utter rubbish.
I began exploring alternate therapies and he was annoyed at me asking him to accompany me, completely inflexible when it came to seeing anything from a different perspective, so felt I lacked emotional support. He would mock the classes I took him to with colleagues at work and tell me what theysaid when he got home and I found it quite hurtful.
I also have anxiety and he likes sponanaeity, a bit too spontaneous at times as childrens bedtimes etc often go out of the window unless I try to reign him in a bit. But he hates it. But then we're left with miserable tantruming children and he gets exasperated so I try to avoid those situations if we can help it.
I havent wanted to take the children abroad due to anxiety (I have regular therapy for this) and I'm happy holidaying in England for now but DH has thrown at me during an argument this morning "you're holding me back. You wont do anything." Ive asked him to elaborate and he won't. The anxiety has improved tremendously and I'm happy to work on going abroad with the children and have said this to him on the past, he always seemed patient about it, but now it seems hes holding back a lot of resentment. I dont think he's happy with me at all, I think I make him quite depressed actually.
I feel he's quietly seething away at the life he has with me. I think he'd rather I returned to working full time as opposed to part-time due to finiancial constraints too, again something hes never said but a feeling I get. My argument is that the housework often falls on my shoulders and if I worked full-time he wouldnt pick up the slack so why should I? On occasions ge does pick up the slack, hes miserable with me as a result but again, says very little.
Before I cam along and the DCs, he had plenty of hobbies, was chaotically busy with a full-on social life and things have obviously now changed. I get annoyed if he assumes he can go off at weekends and leave me with DCs as I get no break. I feel he resents me for this too.
I feel like Ive ruined his life.
But, he never says anything directly, just the odd line in an argument or silent treatment for a day or 2.
I am trying to be more spontaneous, I pay a lot in therapy and have done for a few years, but I also know that the anxiety is a part of me and I do my best to manage it.
I am trying my best.
I dont know what to do, particularly when he's not really talking to me about it.
I feel I'm constantly letting him down.