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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feeling stupid over him

5 replies

mpeters82 · 12/05/2018 10:02

Hi,

I met this guy like 2-3 years ago on site.I didn't even fancy him at all. He was nice to talk to then. But he knew I was going through difficult time. So nothing was going to happen with us. Then he told he met someone and he was getting married. I was like happy for him. He really not my type at all. I never met him in person aswell.
Then after a long time I had this guy say hello while waiting for bus to go home. It was him from the site we met on. Asking how I was and I said you got married. He said yes but it didn't work out. Then we obviously swapped numbers at some point.
He message me a lot and if he saw me in town he would give me a hug. Asking how I was doing. Then he wanted to come and see me. So let him come over and we kissed and danced and it got a little steamy between us. But told him no and we sat and talked. I had to tell him something about me which is very personal. He then came out with he still living with the wife and already saw photo when he messaged. Again did not know he had a child. It became clear he was very much with her . I think this why I invited over to find out the truth.
I know there were having marriage counselling he didn't seem keen to work things out. Said he married wrong person.
I was totally off guy this personal issue I had.
Anyway he ended up at this event I go too each year. We met but told him go back enjoy his time with his friends. He started putting me on the edge. I just didn't want to get involved.
So new year 2018 I decided to ignore his messages especially as he married. Yes should of done before but suppose he kind of got to me.
So from January each month had are you okay and how are you. I've not seen you around. This moments between us keeps playing on mind though.
So yesterday thought let me tell him I'm okay but explain my reason for not responding to him. Which I did but all I got was as long as your okay that's all.
He would keep on messaging each month and could not take it.
Just wondering if I did right thing? I didn't realize how he put me on edge. I was glad to not see him around. We never spoke about that time either. And him ending up at this event asking if I was there. I replied nearly falling in the trap but caught myself.
But feel so stupid as he lied and he married. He realized I felt something for him too.
I never realized but until he came over that there was a lot between us. Feels like unfinished business. Which I feel like I need to be strong enough just to let it go. He was just go through rough patch like this guys I seem to meet look to me to use. Glad I said no to going further though but just hope I never see him. I feel weak and a bit lonely really.
Anyone been here or going through this?

OP posts:
Thingsdogetbetter · 12/05/2018 14:39

There is no unfinished business. He knew you liked him, lied about being single, hoping for a shag. you caught him out, but didnt go no contact immediately and he is now still chancing his luck by infrequent contact to which you occasionally reply, making him think there's still a chance. Anything 'between' you is all in your mind. Block and work on yourself and why your bar is so low you are still thinking about a man who lies, manipulates and cheats on his wife.

If you are lonely you need to look to yourself and your life rather than hope some bloke will turn out not to be a user and fulfill you. Once you are happy with yourself, you'll lose that 'vibe' that users can smell a mile off.

Took me 3 years of absolutely no men to stop giving off that vibe. Totally worth it!

Moritz · 12/05/2018 14:56

Block him.

ScreamingValenta · 12/05/2018 14:58

I think he's just keeping you as an occasional option, OP. Don't hang around to be his 'fallback shag'.

mpeters82 · 13/05/2018 01:37

I think he knows now why I won't respond now. But I never got a text since so hopefully that is it.
I was having a weak moment yesterday but deep down nothing going to happen.

OP posts:
ScreamingValenta · 13/05/2018 01:45

It's good that you've accepted nothing positive will come of this. Block him and move on. Wishing you success in finding someone who's honest with you and sees you as first choice, not reserve option Flowers.

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