Where should I begin - never had an adult relationship

[starinthemoon]

I find myself thinking it would be nice but then I wonder if I am simply too old - I don’t mean for a relationship as obviously they can happen at any age but given I have no real experience (I know this is odd.)

I am not confident at all and can’t inagjne online dating?

"You need to go out generally doing things you enjoy to meet like minded people"

What did I say that people would suggest? You need to be somewhere where there are lots of single people. Think about the average workplace, it's very difficult for people over 30 or 35 to meet a partner at work because most colleagues of a similar age will already be taken. It's the same when socialising, unless it's somewhere with a higher concentration of single people.

Go on First Dates? Not being glib, honestly, it does seem like a confidence booster for people even if the date doesn't work out.

Otherwise, I second starting work on your self confidence rather than looking outwards first. Even the way you've painted yourself here is negative and not true as it transpires - you had boyfriends, you've got kids, you've got lots of friends, you're only in your 30s. From the OP you're seeing yourself like a lost, lonely old person who's not had a life or love. I think the first step is to reframe that and value your qualities more, then it all flows from there.

Well what the hell else is she supposed to do?! Sit in her house and stare at the walls hoping that someone is going to knock on the door?!

You have to put yourself out there to meet someone

Join a singles group - get out and socialise, talk to people! Even just fine a bit of a laugh - you never know who you may meet!

The main thing you need to change is your self confidence and attitude - be confident, be open to all experiences!!

One boyfriend who I split up with twenty years ago.

And how do you get first dates? Online? Not sure really.

Sorry, I meant the tv show - First Dates. Not the hotel one that's more fakey, but worth watching the C4 show anyway, it can be quite heartwarming and insightful at times.

But on your other comment, that's what I mean about reframing it. If you're focusing on the one boyfriend 20 years ago thing, you're down on yourself from the off. I know it's not easy and you might be dismissive, but it's about starting to see yourself as attractive, then you will attract others. Honestly your OP made it sound like you were an aged virgin which isn't the case.

Well it’s been a while

Star you aren’t alone - I think it’s much more common than people think. I’ve known someone who had his first ever relationship at about 30 and is now happily married with dc and someone else (friend of friend) who blossomed and got married in his 50s.

there is nothing to stop you starting down the dating track now and I personally would try on line dating but see it as fun meet ups not initially about a full on thing and of course keep your wits about you.

"Well what the hell else is she supposed to do?! Sit in her house and stare at the walls hoping that someone is going to knock on the door?! "

No, but go to activities where there are lots of single people as you acknowledge yourself later in your post. Not just join any kind of club or activity because there needs to be available people.
Some of my 'common interest' circles are basically made up of pensioners, students and gay men. If there are any men around my age, they're married with children and don't participate as much.

I'm also a member of City Socializer, which is a paid socialising site. That is much better because it's full of single people.

I'm 41 and only had short term boyfriends & flings - not had a long term relationship, many reasons.

But I'm hopeful, you have to stay positive.