I’m in a new relationship of a year or so with somebody I have known for many years and we don’t yet live together.
We are both divorced, him for four years and me for just over two and he is my first relationship since my ex husband for perspective. He messed around quite a lot after his marriage ended and is very flirty in general whereas I’m a bit quieter.
He previously introduced me to a woman as a family friend (their dc are involved in another sport together) and I made a big effort to get to know her, only later finding out by accident that they had been having an on and off fling for a long time after his marriage ended which made me feel like a bit of an idiot and explains why she was a bit competitive and weird towards me. I tried not to make a fuss as obviously it was all in the past and he hasn’t technically done anything wrong but secretly I really disliked the way he kind of kept this woman in his orbit and didn’t mind disrespecting me to do that. It felt very like game-playing that the two of them had this secret all the while I was innocently turning up at social events with them. She then met a new partner and we have bumped into her much less since then.
Boyfriend is involved in a sporting activity to do with watersports (trying not to out myself) and is currently abroad for a few days with friends taking part. I found out yesterday (on Facebook as a friend of mine was tagged in a post) that this woman is also in the same place supporting a friend of hers at the event. She is with her children and new partner so this should be absolutely fine but I’m feeling weird because boyfriend did not mention that’s she was going, perhaps to spare my feelings because of the previous.
The friend she is supporting is in boyfriend’s direct group of friends so they have obviously all planned this holiday together (only six of them eventing from this area) and surely he knows I will find out she is there through photos etc afterwards but her name has never been mentioned throughout the planning process which he discussed with me (I helped him to look at flights etc but was unable to take time off work to go
myself).
This could be me being a bit weird. Rationally I know her partner is there with her and he is with me etc but the way he denied anything was going on with her when I was first told about their history and already knew it had has made me quite mistrustful of him around this woman. I thought she was out of the picture and she has now popped up again unexpectedly and I’m reeling. I mentioned it to him briefly by text this morning and he sent an infuriating reply along the lines of he thought I was over this with her and to “chill”. I haven’t replied yet, please talk sense into me. Something just feels wrong -is he playing games here? 