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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

ALL WOMEN NEED TO READ THIS. Heartbreak, self worth and challenging your best self.

4 replies

Kittykatxxo · 11/05/2018 03:41

I am 25 years old and am only just now realising my worth. I spent so much of my teenage years putting up with more bs than I can even believe, but I forgive my younger self. 6 month ago I split up with my now ex boyfriend we had only dated for 2 month but it was passionate and intense he said he just didn't have a connection with me I was an absolute mess I begged, I picked at him viciously and I hated myself I thought I wasn't good enough and I would never be good enough for anyone. It was a short relationship but it left me heartbroken it wasn't until I cut of contact and really looked at myself that I was able to heal, I realised the relationship was good but it wasn't as perfect as I'd made myself believe, I realised I had been an emotionally immature kid who had abandonment issues and he had been an emotionally unavailable man who could never stop slagging his past girlfriends of for how much they had put him through. We had absolutely nothing in common and whilst I was a clingy sobbin mess, he was a narcasist. The conversation was good and of course we both had the best of intentions at the start but when our real selves came to the surface it was messy. I had depended on him solely for my happiness, I truly believe you have one heartbreak in your life that leaves you so desperate, so unhinged, it rips your ego to its core that you literally have to transform your life and you do. We had spoke about going to see the world together so all the places we had spoke about I took my son, we went seeing all the lakes in Canada, we visited Tokyo and New Orleans and whilst it was the most scariest thing I had ever done being on my own miles away from anything or anyone I knew with my 5 year old son it was the most independent thing I had ever accomplished and it made me realise I never needed a SO to do the things I'd dreamt of the only person I wanted to experience this with was myself and my son. I went back to school and finished my education it gave me so much pride and I found so much self worth in that alone. I took up hobbys and I took a full year without dating to really work out my boundaries and to heal my self when I went back to dating I could notice what I wanted and didn't want straight away nothing was hard to walk away from. I seen my whole life blossoming I still have bad days but I always fully understand who I am and what I deserve. My ex contacted me and we met up for coffee we was both different but I had changed a lot more, I sat across from him and weighed the pros and cons of dating him and politely said I couldn't right now because I didn't think he could give me what I was looking for and he had some growing still to do and I excused myself. It wasn't out of spite and it was the truth, maybe if we meet again the timing and our growth will be on the same level but if not I'm still happy and I know I will find what I'm looking for because I will never settle for anything less again. Seriously lady's I know it's hard but choose yourself first ALWAYS it's the best relationship you will ever have.

OP posts:
Sometimeitrains · 11/05/2018 05:53

Nice sentiment. But sonewhat confused how did you manage to travel and not date for a full year and finish school if you only broke up 6 months ago.
Also how did you squeeze all that in when your son should have been starting school.

greenberet · 11/05/2018 08:00

I've posted on your other thread - I believe a lot in what you are saying especially about challenging the ego and you are lucky to have figured this out so young - if you are meant to be together it will happen if not something better awaits x

Kittykatxxo · 11/05/2018 15:05

Sorry to confuse you the typo was 1 year 6 month I do not know how to edit. We travelled last year my son is a September baby. Thank you

OP posts:
Beautifulbridie · 12/05/2018 01:13

Thanks for those comments. I have just come out of a very long emotionally abusive relationship and I feel like I’ve been in a war and am very worn down right now so I glad for you that you are out the other side, I am trying my best to look after myself and heal right now. My heart is truly broken and I wonder will I ever feel any type of happiness again.

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