Is my ex playing mind games and "gaslighting me" (denying things from the past making me think I'm going crazy)

[Kittykatxxo]

I split up with my ex a month ago. The first time we met he looked at me and said "I feel like I've met you before like I've always known you" and from then on he would always call, want to see me and constantly complimented me he went on to say other things such as "I've been hurt before I don't want to end up like that again but I've proper let you in please just don't do anything stupid" "all I care about is your happiness" "everything in my life is coming together and now I've met you I'm just so happy" asking to take me on holiday, if I wanted him to buy me a new bag and would just always look at me and tell me he couldn't believe how happy he felt. The moment I started to feel things back and told him I was falling for him he did a complete change he went distant stopped calling and didn't want to see me. I asked what was going on he said he wasn't sure if he could commit to me. We argued, it drove me mad but I just left it 5 days later he messaged me saying "I've been going through a lot that you are not aware of and i need you to know that pressure pushes me away because I've got so much I can't deal with and your adding to it I just need you to know that" so I replied saying it's fine don't need to explain yourself , he rang we spoke he suggested we give it another try and he would ring me he never rang 2 week later I ring him and ask what's going on he says what do you mean what's going on I haven't seen you for a month nothing's going on, again I was so angry this time we argued and I brought up everything about what he has said in the past how he messaged me apologising now is saying this he acted like I was crazy and said I have never felt a connection to you there was no chemistry but would not acknowledge all the stuff he had said to me. Even writing this I'm thinking wow this is definitely mind games but because I can not get the closure I need could someone please give there take of this whole thing? Is he a complete narcissist or am I just crazy

He sounds crazy. Dump him. You're also crazy if you continue to put up with this nonsense.

Does it matter if he is.

Essentially he was interested now hes not.

Not everyone is compatable.

move on and stop calling him your realionship ended a month ago.

So how long did you actually date him for ? Not counting the weeks when you didn’t see each other or talk .

I truly wouldn't waste any time trying to work him out. Let him know it's over for good, block his number and move on!

He sounds extremely childish, and like he's playing games.

But you need to forget him - essentially it doesn't matter what he thinks or remembers, you know you are right but don't need to convince him of the fact. Just stop any contact with him - he isn't worth it.

He's an arse. His issue, not yours. Step away.

@Kittykatxxo - I have a completely different perspective on this but I will more than likely be the only one!

It's quite likely everything he said to you he meant and whilst you were unsure of your feelings for him he felt "safe" - however as soon as you revealed your feelings he became scared panicked and backed off - old hurts being triggered which he needs to deal with in his time and his space -the bit about saying he never said anything is the ego coming into protect himself - he has made himself vulnerable but is now backtracking.

I get it feels like mind games - what it really is is him trying to figure out who he is and what he wants - more than likely you but to get here takes some "growing up" or facing old wounds that need healing - if you feel anything for this guy and want to stick around it will be a bumpy ride but if you can get through these issues you have the possibility of something really good .

Most people balk at this - hence cut and run now - some see it for something else! Out on a limb here but that's me !

@Greenberet. How can you say that .?
4 weeks ago he told her it was over, two weeks later she called and asked him whats going on and he said nothing.
I dont see how this sounds like a relationship that can be hung on to

@Sometimeitrains - because I have a different perspective to you - life is not easy - relationships are not easy - circumstances arise to teach us things about ourselves - and if you read her other thread which I came across after this one it appears she has learnt a lot about herself

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3245840-ALL-WOMEN-NEED-TO-READ-THIS-Heartbreak-self-worth-and-challenging-your-best-self

You don't need closure you just need to block, ignore, delete.
He's a headfuck and dickhead.
Stop giving him headspace.
Get on with your life without him in it - at all!

It sounds like he IS gaslighting & toying with you.

When he acted like I was crazy and said I have never felt a connection to you there was no chemistry - this sounds to me like someone else may have been reading your conversation and he's telling them a different story (portraying you as a crazy ex?). That or he is just playing games with your emotions for fun.

Either way - his behaviour is manipulative and unacceptable.
Block him and get on with your life.

I wouldn't bother contacting him again. Just move on.

@greenberet I actually read the other thread and the two things dont add up. The threads contradict each other with regards to when the relationships take place.

I appreciate that we have a different point of view the reason I asked was because the timming suggests the relationship is over so just didnt get why you would tell her to keep pursuing it.