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Original poster

Holiday with ex when seeing someone new

24 replies

whatwillbwillbe · 10/05/2018 23:04

I’ve been split with my ex for nearly 4 months and when we first split we said we’d take dd (3) on holiday together. I’ve started seeing somebody new for just over a month now, we aren’t official but I can see things progressing in the future! I’ve told him about the holiday and he doesn’t seem impressed, he thinks I could end up sleeping with ex or end up getting back with him. I don’t want to be with him I just want us both to be able to take dd away. Should I feel bad or should I even go? Nothing has been booked yet but I almost feel if New man doesn’t like it bugger him because it’s all for dd. I am debating even going an suggested a weekend away instead but then think he isn’t my boyfriend and why should I agree with what he’s saying so early on!

Opinions please

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 10/05/2018 23:08

How would this be good for your daughter ?

Surely it would confuse her

If the holiday isn't booked, forget it. Not for New Bloke but for your sake and your daughter's

Original poster

whatwillbwillbe · 10/05/2018 23:09

Ex was mainly the one saying it would be good for her but I did also think after a week and he goes back to his house it could be confusing 😞

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 10/05/2018 23:09

Do you do everything your ex says ?

Guavaf1sh · 10/05/2018 23:11

I’m with AF. It’s a bit odd and if it isn’t booked don’t book it

IfyouseeRitaMoreno · 10/05/2018 23:14

I wouldn't say it's confusing for your DD unless she's particularly affected by your breakup but more so for you and XH. I mean, you'll feel like a family again and if you get on well, you'll start wondering why you split up.

And if things go well and you sleep with XH that's going to scupper things with your new beau.

Pick a bed and lie in it.

ajandjjmum · 10/05/2018 23:20

I would be concerned that a man was passing opinions on what I should do, just weeks in to a casual relationship.

Sisterlove · 10/05/2018 23:20

I'd feel the same if I was your new BF.

Changedname3456 · 10/05/2018 23:52

So you started seeing the new bloke not quite three months after splitting with your daughter’s father (who you’ve presumably been together with for at least 3 years and 9 months)?

Sounds a bit soon to be seeing anyone really - how can you have processed all your feelings about the end of the relationship with your ex in such a short time?

New guy isn’t showing you much trust in thinking you’ll sleep with ex, but I do understand his unhapiness with the idea. And I’m pretty sure you won’t be impressed if he decides to go on holiday with his long-term ex later this year? Or picks a random female friend to go with? (after all, you should trust him just as much as you expect he should trust you).

HoHoHoHo · 10/05/2018 23:52

Its up to you whether or not you go but it's not reasonable to expect to be in a relationship with someone else as well.

JaniceBattersby · 10/05/2018 23:57

I would not be with someone who went on holiday with a very recent ex while they were dating me. I don’t think that’s controlling or unreasonable, I think it’s a basic tenet of any exclusive relationship that is expected to progress.

ajandjjmum · 11/05/2018 07:25

OP said the relationship isn't 'official'.

TERFragetteCity · 11/05/2018 07:33

It looks like two men are now pulling your strings.

The ex - it will confuse your daughter surely?

The new bloke - should trust you but it is weird when this happens but you know your relationship with your ex and he doesn't.

rainingcatsanddog · 11/05/2018 07:36

I'd think it strange too. Personally I'd take her away on my own.
What benefits will dd get from both parents coming on holiday when you're both returning to different houses? It's good that you're amicable with ex but it's fine to have boundaries. I don't think that you're necessarily going to sleep with him but you've split up for a reason.

Happygolucky009 · 11/05/2018 07:37

I did go on holiday with ex whilst dating new man (now husband). Boyfriend was fine but realised on the holiday ex had an ulterior motive and I never spoke to ex after returning from holiday. Luckily no kids were involved !

Highhorse1981 · 11/05/2018 07:38

Regard this as a test as to whether your new guy is a keeper.

If he can see the bigger picture ie in your daughters best interests, and trust you - then worth keeping

If not, bin him

Cat2014 · 11/05/2018 07:39

I did this. Holiday was already booked. It was fine but ex wasn’t very nice to me during the holiday. So stayed separate a lot of the time. Otherwise I can see it may have been difficult as the old feelings are raw and feeling like a family again but not was /could have been very sad

Cat2014 · 11/05/2018 07:41

My boyfriend was fine about it though. We kept in touch a lot and even though it was a very difficult holiday for me (and ex, I’m sure) ds had a great time which was the main thing

Ginger1982 · 11/05/2018 07:44

I would take your casual man out of the equation. I think it would be odd to go away when you have separated. It will confuse DD.

shitwithsugaron · 11/05/2018 07:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cakecakecheese · 11/05/2018 08:17

If the holiday was already booked I can see why you might go but it does seem like a bad idea to go away with an ex as, while it's admirable that you are both trying to be amicable for the sake of your daughter, presumably he is an ex for a reason and some of the issues that led to the break up may raise themselves again, particularly as it only happened a relatively short time ago.

However I'm concerned that a guy you've been seeing for about a month doesn't trust you not to sleep with someone else.

hellsbellsmelons · 11/05/2018 08:50

Red flags here with the new bloke.
If it had already been booked then I could understand a bit more.
But it's not booked.
You are over and going on holiday together is not really a good idea.
I wouldn't like it (although I had to do it last year with an ExP).
It was hell on earth!

OutofSyncGirl · 11/05/2018 08:52

If the holiday isn’t booked yet then I certainly wouldn’t go. Could you not take your dd away with a friend or with your mum / sister or something?

BitchQueen90 · 11/05/2018 09:10

I'm divorced from my exh and we get along great, however I wouldn't dream of going on holiday with him. I want DS to understand that although his dad and I are on good terms we have separate lives now. It would be confusing for him.

I do also think new man sounds a bit odd. I would definitely hold off making things official especially after such a recent split with your ex, it's not fair on your DD to add to the confusion.

Olicity17 · 11/05/2018 10:19

I wouldnt like someone i was seeing booking and going on holiday with a recent ex. I certainly dont believe its always in the best interests for the child. Especially if the split is recent.

I wouldn't tell you not to go. Thats wouldnt be my choice. However i would choose to not take the relationship forward. A month in, I would feel i hadnt invested that much and would not want to be involved in this situation.

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