Separate bedrooms

[Actually25]

Is it just me? Love my husband, we have a fantastic relationship, 17 years and despite lots of bumps in life were as close as ever. However I really want my own bedroom. I daydream about my own space, sound nights sleep without snoring and just a room that's mine...all mine! Selfish....possibly, but can't we be allowed to be just a little? Husband having none of it.....thinks it's unhealthy.

I think it's a slippery slope to your sex life going out the window tbh

It's such a personal thing, Actually. If your sex life is good then you'll probably not be risking anything but you will have to schedule time for intimacy which, I guess, could make it more special. We move into separate bedrooms this year and I've secretly longed for it for years! Was only thinking today how my bedroom is now my true sanctuary. P used to snore too and he wanted to watch films on laptop or I wanted light on to read. I also felt (after many years of marriage) that I needed space from him. Unfortunately, the intimacy problem has been present for years so separate bedrooms had no impact. I think you have to separate out sleep from sex. I sleep so much more soundly alone and don't miss DH being there at all!

Sorry...'he' not P!

My dp and I have separate rooms - he snores and I’m cranky on no sleep - hasn’t affected intimacy and in fact I thinkbhelpsnour relationship that we have our own spaces. Go for it op.

I know a couple that do this.
Have done for decades.
It really works well for them.
They have one the best relationships I've ever seen.
Totally love each other.
They pay 'visits' to each other often!!
But they just like their own space when in bed.
It can work for some but not for others.
I'd love it.
I hate sharing my bed!

My partner and I have our own bedrooms so that we both get a good nights sleep. I don't have to put up with his snoring and constant wriggling and he doesn't have to put up with my reading light and me rolling him over. It works really well for us both and has done for the past three years.

We will often have 'sleepovers' and our sex life hasn't suffered at all for the arrangement. If anything, it's better because we're not both tired all the time or irritable with the other for keeping us awake.

Encouraged by this thread! I was used to bedsharing with husband and viewed it as vital, but new bf is a crazily light sleeper so i wake him up and he likes to spread eagle and fling himself about while he sleeps so we just cant make the SLEEP bit work. Came to the conclusion separate beds and visits was the only way but it niggled me because i thought, surely it a slippery slope? Not good so early on...but then i think fck it, you do you!

I've slept in a separate bedroom to my fiance for the entire time of our relationship. We bought a house 2.5 years ago and have always had our own bedroom.... we get married in July and are, on the whole, really, really happy.

I think it helps when you don't give a shit about what people think and it's certainly something I don't hide, as when we go on holiday we tend to stay in separate rooms if it's not too costly.

I've had a back injury which sometimes reoccurs and typically happens when I sleep in different beds or in different positions.... I also am a ridiculously light sleeper so even with ear plugs, If I can hear any noise at all I find it impossible to get to sleep. Plus - I go to bed about 10.30pm, he goes to bed about 1:00am....I get up around 7.00am, he sleeps in until 10:00am - We do our own 'thing' and it just works so, so well.

One of the most worrying things at the moment is the fact we're actually going to be sharing a bed on our wedding night AND the next 5 nights - I think that's the longest time we'll ever share a bed and we're already considering having a 'backup' plan in case we don't get any sleep (and not for good reasons!)

We've done it for 7 years now (together for nearly 20 years). He snores, gets up early and doesn't like blinds. I like it pitch black and often do a bit of work or reading late at night.
I don't think we'd still be together if I didn't have my own space.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with having your own room and could actually help in a lot of relationships. You can still have plenty of intimate time, and maybe some nights do sleep overs, lol. I could never share a bed with a snorer again, had that in one relationship and I used to fantasise about smothering him with my pillow!

Pretty much always had our own rooms, even when in a 1-bed, I used to sleep on the sofa sometimes. Tall DH, who flings his arms about when he's dreaming, completely different sleep cycles and just like our own space. Been together 23 years...

Even been given separate guest rooms when visiting people, absolutely hilarious, as never asked and it's sometimes ok on holiday.

We dealt with some of the problems of bed-sharing by buying an absolutely enormous super king size bed, and an even bigger duvet. Not an option for everyone, space permitting, but genuinely one of the best investments I've ever made!

I don’t think separate beds, indicate a slippery sex slope by any stretch. Sounds like heaven.

Some couples share a bed & don’t go near each other.

Completely different sleep cycles (I go to sleep at 9pm him 2am), he has night terrors, I have inflammatory arthritis so pulling a duvet over my joints wakes me up, the list goes on. Separate sleeping spaces. I can share a room, just not a bed. Intimacy is dead anyway.

Together 20 years, separate rooms for 10 of those and we both love it now. Once you get passed the fact that so many people seem to associate it it with a poor marriage, it's actually great. My marriage is a much happier place now we are both sleeping well and not permanently tired.

May work for some, but I agree with the poster that it is a slippery slope to no sex life, lack of closeness and intimacy, one of you feeling neglected...and hey presto...someone fills the gap!....after getting the my wife and I live separate lives and don't have sex etc.....

I would think carefully

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/8245578.stm

For some couples it works brilliantly. I'd have thought your husband's feelings about it might be the main barrier, but perhaps if he understands that it can often improve intimacy rather than the opposite.

My DH has got restless legs. Not helped by his massive consumption of coffee, and sugar that the GP told him to cut out, but DH knows better . I literally could kill him most nights, and we had separate rooms until one of our DDs moved back home. So now we're sharing again, which means many nights on the sofa for me to try and get some sleep.
I've had a long term brain injury and when I'm tired, my head feels like its filled with cotton wool which makes everyday life 100% harder. It's a vicious circle.

There is nothing more I'd like in the world than my own bedroom

Thanks guys. Loved the point made that there are many couples who sleep together and have no intimacy....I'll use that for my back up argument as it's so true.

I respect, but don't agree to the comment about slippery slope. Endings and feeling neglected are in my view far more deep rooted than a lack of sexual intimacy.

I've really thought hard about the comments and husbands feelings - I am now more convinced own bedrooms will be marvellous .

Intimacy in my opinion is improved when there's some privacy and personal space, possibly because it offers a much welcomed filter to the realities of daily life....no watching me wriggling into work tights, or in mismatched bra and pants! No overhearing his flatulence or snoring

I'm not suggesting that our own rooms will transform our lives into some Jean Paul Gaultier seductive perfume ad. But there's definitely something to be said about retaining an air of mystery and creating sense of allure ....I can do that if only I had my own room

......now to convince the hubby xx

I think this is much more common that you may think! My hubby and I have always had our own rooms, been together 16 years lol. My sister and brother in law, who ARE married, have separate HOUSES!! It works great for them, they love it. Society tells us what is expected of us, and it's ridiculous! We can do what we want! xxx

We always have, ever since we started living together. So good and no lack of a sex life! We get to have our own space when we need it which I think is really important when living with someone and we have the living room to spend time together, plus we often sleep in each others beds. Go for it!

We have separate rooms - necessity for us.
I have a parasomnia and DH is a very light sleeper. He leaves the house at 5am for work and goes to bed earlier as a result. I get up and go to bed much later.

DH would be a danger on the road if he had to sleep with me (his job involves a lot of driving), as he literally gets no sleep. We are both much happier with a fecking massive bed each. I appreciate we are lucky enough to have the space to do this.

And no, it has had no impact on our sex life.

Absolute bliss imo.

In fact, I'd go as far as to say that I would never contemplate living with a man again if we didn't have our separate sleeping spaces.