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Relationships

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Original poster

Husbands fling what would you do

25 replies

lotti37 · 10/05/2018 21:32

My husband had a short fling with a lady that he worked with and who lives around the corner . This ended about 16 months ago. I have to pass her house every day and now she has decided to join my gym that I have been a member of for the last 20 years . She has some nerve and I don’t think she cares a about anyone else but her self. Would you say anything to her? Thank you

OP posts:

AnneLovesGilbert · 10/05/2018 21:34

Are you still with your husband? If you’ve forgiven him I wouldn’t give her any headspace.

It was your husband to hurt you. You don’t know her.

Gemini69 · 10/05/2018 21:40

Treat her with the same indifference she does you

category12 · 10/05/2018 21:40

You don't own the gym and she lives where she lives. She's not going to evaporate.

16 months later seems far too late to confront her about having an affair with your DH.

AnyFucker · 10/05/2018 21:41

Is this a serious question ?

dirtybadger · 10/05/2018 21:45

Divorce my husband.

She lives where you live so the gym is convenient for her for the same reasons its convenient for you. If you keep bumping into her then unfortunately you may need to consider switching up what time you go.

SonicVersusGynaephobia · 10/05/2018 21:47

Does your DH think about anyone other than himself?

C0untDucku1a · 10/05/2018 21:54

Why would you worry about the ow when you ‘won’ the prize of your husband?

MaryPeary · 10/05/2018 22:53

I am sure it's tough, but she's not the one who caused the problem. Your husband is the one who broke his commitment to you and who deceived you. She didn't - she owed you nothing and may well have been misled about your relationship. She's nothing to do with you. I understand you wanting to move on with your husband and certainly don't share the view that infidelity always means LTB. However, don't let the desire to be happy together now mislead you into having a go at her. Keep your dignity. Ignore her. Not worth your time - you've got more important fish to fry.

TheBogWitchIsBack · 10/05/2018 23:01

You're worrying about the wrong person.

Sisterlove · 10/05/2018 23:24

I'd not say a word to her. If it was bothering me, which it would I'd go to another gym.or change my gym schedule.

Original poster

lotti37 · 11/05/2018 00:45

She only moved into the area a few months before their fling. I have lived in this area all my life and my friends are at the gym . She only recently joined it . I have to pass her house every day on the way to school run and then to have to see her at the gym is horrible . Can’t seem to escape her 😔 x

OP posts:

AlexaAmbidextra · 11/05/2018 01:37

Well presumably you live in the same house as your husband and see him every day. Is this not horrible for you too?

BlushingCrows · 11/05/2018 01:40

Sorry to be harsh OP, but I think you need to escape from your husband, not the OW

TheBogWitchIsBack · 11/05/2018 06:31

Again you need to shift your focus on to the person who is the real problem.
Your sharing a gym with her but presumably your sharing a bed with him.

category12 · 11/05/2018 06:36

I remember that I was doing ok-ish with the relationship after infidelity, but seeing the ow would put me back. It didn't help that Fuckwit would speak to her like a friend if he saw her and thought I was unreasonable to want him to ignore her, heaven forbid he be rude, never mind my feelings . And I could be doing quite well and something would remind me, like she'd appear in the local paper one of the few times I read it!

I can't say I have a happy ending to this tale - well, I am happy and have no regrets - but it's not a tale in which he and I stayed together. But I do remember how her very existence felt like a stab to the heart.

But you're stuck with this, op. There she is, large as life. Not going anywhere.

newdaylight · 11/05/2018 06:39

She's not really done that much wrong in comparison to your husband. He's the one who was married to you

cakecakecheese · 11/05/2018 07:35

Having an affair with a married person is a really shit thing to do, but not as shit as what your husband did. I can see why seeing her makes you angry but the pain you feel wasn't caused by her alone. While I'm sure it'd be lovely if all OW conveniently disappeared she's perfectly entitled to carry on living her life.

The main culprit here is your husband and if he's not doing everything he possibly can to try to repair all the damage he caused then you shouldn't be with him anymore.

stressedandskint · 11/05/2018 08:06

You're (understandably) misdirecting your anger at her instead of your husband. He's the one who broke his vows, not her.

It was awful of him to have the affair in the first place but to have an affair with someone so close to his marital home is so disrespectful! He knew that whether you found out or not, you'd have to walk past her house and would bump into her regularly. Everyone knows you don't shit on your own doorstep!

He's really turned your life upside down hasn't he? Your life is there, your gym routine with your friends, you've lived in the area for years so it really is somewhere you can relax and feel at home. Now that's all changed. I'd be so angry with him and it sounds like you are deep down.

Of course you can't suddenly expect this woman to move house or stop going to the gym. Ask your husband what the solution is, this is his mess. I have no idea, I know I wouldn't be able to get over that. I wouldn't cope seeing her or walking past her house.

Just going about your normal day to day life is a constant reminder of your husband's betrayal. I feel for you, I really do.

Branleuse · 11/05/2018 08:10

your husband is the issue. You and this woman have both been fucked over by the same bloke.

Aprilmightbemynewname · 11/05/2018 08:13

Are you worried she will recognise you as the mug who kept him?

TheQueef · 11/05/2018 08:16

While you waste head space on OW is darling husband suffering too? Is he angst ridden living so close?

Is he fuck.

Forget OW if it wasn't her it would be a different OW. DH is the problem.

Thinkingofausername1 · 13/05/2018 22:44

Wow, that must be so hard for you. I'd try to ignore her at the gym. Look happy and confident and make her envious of you!

Duck90 · 13/05/2018 22:55

20 years commitment to a gym is amazing. How much commitment to your marriage did your Oh make?

GertieMotherwell · 14/05/2018 07:10

Lotti 💐

Face your demons.
Do not change your gym, routine or anything.
The sooner you do this, the sooner you will recover.

You have nothing to be ashamed of x

GertieMotherwell · 14/05/2018 07:12

..... and please ignore the posters who are either OW themselves or whose marriages broke down after affairs. They have their own agenda.

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