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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Any dating experts out there?

3 replies

dilly123 · 10/05/2018 20:11

Please,
Few friends I can ask advice, been single more or less 7 years apart from a short lived thing.. basically I don't know where I'm going wrong & how I can change. I think I'm the typical 'always want what I can't have' & 'only attracted to bad boys' type & however hard I try I can't change that. After the last thing (wouldn't call it a relationship really.. he definitely didn't see it that way) I couldn't get over him even though he treated me badly I was in love with him for 4 years.. just hoping he would change his mind.. I've lost 4.5 stone for him but still feel like I'm not good enough. I measure every potential man as in my league or above my league & would never message or approach a guy who I considered out of my league as I hate that inferior feeling. But if someone nice & attentive comes along I'm just not attracted to them. People say I don't give anyone a chance & there doesn't have to be a spark.. for example a very nice guy has been messaging me for months & asking me out on dates 3 times now I've let him down including tonight, he's not unattractive & been so nice about it but I just couldn't force myself to go & give him a chance.. I'm ready for a relationship & want to be happy but have this guard up that I can't let down.. I'm a screwball aren't I? What would a therapist make of me? Has anyone successfully dated someone where there was little attraction at the start but it grew?
Is it me? I just feel like nobody will ever fall in love with me again.. I'm lonely & sad but got so much to give

OP posts:
NotTheFordType · 10/05/2018 20:28

Have you been in therapy to unpick the lessons you learned about relationships while a child?

datingdisaster41 · 11/05/2018 11:23

How about going out with this guy as a friend and start doing nice things together...then if you get closer and both feel attracted to each other, you can start dating and feelings for him might grow organically? As long as you're honest that you'd rather be friends, then it's clear. I might be tempted to try some counselling, too. I do empathise, I have similar feelings towards men who are "just too nice" and I have driven myself slightly mad over the years! Good luck x

dilly123 · 11/05/2018 12:03

Thank you...

I'm glad I'm not the only one with these feelings.. maybe when I start liking myself I'll find the right one !!

OP posts:
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