Right, I try to keep this as short as possible and hope some of you have some good advice for me.
I am 26 year old and working 2 days a week (10 hour days plus commute) and the rest of the week I supposed to be doing my online diploma course I started about a year ago. I don't know where to even start... well the course ... it's not going great. I was so looking forward to do it and finally achieve something in my life but been struggling with it. It is not easy at all because I am studying interior design and they do not have a clear marking system. I have had loads of my assignments rejected or not passing because the tutor did not think I met the requirements. It is fair enough but the problem is it is not very clear what the requirements are. I feel sometimes it is up to the tutors mood to whetever let me pass or not. This has really put me off the course. I completed 4 assignments out of the 10 and feel like a massive failure here. I honestly have not even touched my course work for about 2 months... I just don't think I can cope with another rejected assignments or fail. I usually spend between 40-60hours on one assignment first time around and then some more after it has been rejected.
Anyway I bet you are asking now what I am doing the 5 days a week I am not working and the answer is nothing... I mean I potter around, I do some diy (LOVE diy) cut the lawn, do shopping and watch an awful lot of tv... I hate myself for this. I am so much more than this and hate to see how the time is slipping away while I am doing NOTHING!
I have no friends. None, nothing and since I am working in childcare I don't even have colleauges... I am socially such an awkward person. I often find myself stugulling to make conversation or even if I do I always say something I regret... and I just end up being embarrased for myself. Also, english is not my native language and I am so embarrased of my accent and vocalbulary.
I have a boyfriend (he is btw native english speaker if you wondered) He travells a lot (I mean a lot!) with work. It is fine I don't mind... I sort of got used to it and don't even miss him when he is not here. I do feel though that our relationship suffers because of my boring life. When he is home I find myself nagging him a lot and I really wish I could just have friends or work or anything to keep me busy while he needs to catch up on sleep or prep for the next trip.
I am leaving my job in childcare at the end of July. I hoped to finsih my coursework by then but I still have 6 assignments left. At the beginning of the year I was really enthusiastic and had 3 goals to achieve by the end of July (1, finish course 2, new job 3, buy a house as a renovating project) but I feel like none of these will happen because I am lazy and don't have any motivation. I really don't know how to pull myself together... I really don't know where to start.
All I know is that I want to work, have adult company and enjoy life. I am disgusted by myself and feel stupid and a big 0, nothing and I am scared that its never going to change.
Anyone any good advice?