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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Struggling to move on

1 reply

kizzle29 · 10/05/2018 10:45

I’m sorry if this is a bit long.
I’ll admit now that I’m not a mum or a parent to be. My reason for joining and seeking advice is because I always find amazing responses when I google and it brings me to mumsnet forums. But now I need personal advice from other women.

I met a guy and fell in love. It was a feeling I’ve never had in my life. It was so amazing and intense and I felt so secure. Things got a bit rocky, so we took a break. In the end we parted ways and I remember the pain of him telling me he wanted to move on. He admitted he had developed feelings for someone else but he didn’t want them. He said he was going to get rid of them, because he couldn’t ever want that “when he still had me”. This has been confusing. We are still trying to be friends but we are growing more and more distant. It’s hurting me so much.

Things have been a serious struggle for me. Mentally I’ve been at rock bottom. I suffer with anxiety and bipolar, and this entire situation has been a huge trigger for me. My therapist says I need to continue this current friendship with this guy. Eventually I’ll get closure. The reason for not cutting off all contact is because I physically don’t have the strength to. I can’t not have him in my life.

The idea of moving on and being physical with someone else terrifies me. My chest aches and my throat tightens and I’m so scared of being close to someone else, probably because I haven’t moved on yet.

Everyone says time will heal me but it’s been months and I still haven’t gotten close to moving on. I don’t notice other guys. I don’t speak to other guys. I’m still so loyal to him that I can’t even imagine doing that.

Please can someone give me advice. I’m sitting here with a very broken heart and a pain in my body so bad it is a struggle to imagine anything resembling happiness, the last time I was happy was with him.

OP posts:
yogagirl22 · 11/05/2018 02:15

I am surprised that your therapist said to continue to be friends? You are living in hope waiting for him to come back and declare love for you. No wonder you cant move on! You can live without him but it is a choice. If he was right for you, you would be together, he would be beating down your door. He isnt. Men sometimes want to stay 'friends' so they can get over thier ex by weaning themselves off slowly. It dents their ego when women cut them off. Please put your energies into yourself. One man cant fill a huge hole if you dont love yourself! I am not a therapist but no contact will give you space to move on, especially if he really never intends to come back. Google No contact to move on. Focus on making each day better sending hugs 😊

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