Is it over?

[TwinkleTea]

I don't have anyone to talk to in real life so would be grateful to hear your opinions...

Me and OH have been together forever, not married, one DC of 11 months. I'm not working, we rent and live pay check to pay check.

Our relationship had a very rocky start and can only be described as abusive. There were circumstances I wont go into, but basically after a year or so things improved dramatically, however I'm not sure I have ever really forgiven him.

Fast forward to now and ever since DD was born I feel like a fog has lifted and I'm seeing things as they really are. He never seems to show any interest in me and not an awful lot in our daughter. He never asks how I am, never asks about things me and DD have been up to, doesnt seem to remember appointments etc I have told him about. He does love her and he plays with her, but doesnt do any of the day to day stuff like feeding, bathing etc. He doesnt seem interested in her care or development. I sometimes feel like a single parent.

He never tells me he loves me, theres no physical contact at all unless I instigate it, no hugs or kisses or anything. He isn't a bad person and I do love him but living like this is chipping away at me and making me depressed. Our whole relationship feels completely one sided.

I explained all this to him last week, he seemed very remorseful, didn't argue at all and seemed extremely upset. We haven't spoken to each other since and its killing me, I'm just so sad. We have been together almost half my life. I don't know what to do. Does it sound like its over?

We haven't spoken to each other since
So you haven't spoken at all???
In a week?
Why ever not?
Is he in a mood about what you said?

It doesn't sound good for you and you should not settle.
The fact you probably have no spare cash means that you probably can't afford counselling.

He's not showing you any love at all.
I could not live the rest of my life in a loveless relationship.
But what do YOU want?

Thank you for your reply. You are quite right, I shouldn't settle. It helps to hear it from someone else

He always acts strangely in these situations, he will go quiet until I crack and sort it out myself.

I think he does love me....I dont know. The complete lack of affection from him isn't normal though is it?

To be honest he is extremely lazy and selfish, I'm not sure he could change even with counseling. Its so hard to walk away, I almost wish he would do something awful just to make it easier!

THIS BOOK might help you.
I've not read it but it does get recommended a lot on this site.
The fact he's lazy and selfish as well...... I think you know what you need to do.
Start at looking at what separation would look like.
What benefits, tax credits etc.. you would be entitled to.
What maintenance he would pay for DC.
CAB can help you with all of that.

So when your DD is older and she is with a man like this.
What will you tell her?
Is it good enough for her?
If not, then it's not good enough for you either.
You get one shot at this life and it can be cut short at any time.
Don't live it like this.

He is beyond useless and has a nice cushy life with you doing all the work; it's about time you stopped prioritising him over yourself and live a life of contentment; he is not going to change, your situation will only change when you take power and decide you want better for yourself and your daughter, he's not all bad but my god, there's so much better out there.

Counselling?