Guilt in being paid back money

[HeapedTeaspoon]

Hi there

My partner and I have an account that we pay money into each month to cover bills for the house.
We are luck enough that our bills are very small - around 400 a month all in.
We pay in about 500 each (1000 total) and agreed that the extra would be for holidays/trips/etc.
Before living with me my partner was renting a flat and paying around 1300 a month to keep head above water. Now, by their own admission, they've never had so much money.

Anyway...
For one reason or another we didn't actually start building up a surplus of money in the account for a fair time and so I paid for our holidays/trips/etc. on my credit card and have run up a relatively large amount of debt (but not an unmanageable amount - I'm easily comfortable with it).

Now the problem...
I've been taking money out of the account to nibble off the credit card debt but I feel guilty that I'm taking their money and I'm not sure why?
We agreed the account excess was for holidays but because we didn't have an excess when we booked these trips it now feels like they are paying me!
I earn more money. 25% more-ish. But I tend to pay for a lot more of our day to day living (food, petrol in our shared car, etc.) but not all.

Why do I feel guilty taking the money out of he account to pay off the card? Is it just because we didn't build up the excess so now it feels like I'm taking it directly from them when they pay in and I take it straight out?
I'm being stupid, right?

Do others feel guilty with taking back money?

As long as your partner is aware of the credit card debt and aware that you're paying it back from the account, then I don't see an issue. If you're being secretive about either, you really need to think about why and start being honest.

You paid for joint stuff on a personal card, and are now paying yourself back from the joint funds (where it should have come from anyway)? Is that right? Does your DP know this? If so, nothing to feel guilty about. I am guessing your guilt is because your DP isnt aware of this, from the way your post is worded? Be honest with them and I am sure a lot of the guilt will be resolved.

Please stop with "their", "they" - it alienates you from what is joint money. It's your money as much as his. "Our" "we" "us" needs to come into play and you will start to feel less guilty when that settle in :) and yes, be honest about paying off that bill if he isn't aware, throw money to get that down quickly and more importantly, it was a joint thing so the joint money helps pay for it.

The OP doesn't want to use he or she, which always makes for clunky reading.

They are aware I'm clearing the card debt from the account.
In fact, they suggested recently upping each of our contributions by a few hundred quid each month to clear it quicker.

I'm over thinking, right?

You are overthinking it.

You're overthinking it. Your friend is just benefiting from you both living together, that's all. Were they living on their own before this?

Yes, you're overthinking it. It's debt jointly created, being paid off jointly.

I don't mean 'benefiting' to mean they're mistreating you! Just that two live cheaper than one.

Yes. We were both living seperately alone.
I've lived alone for a long time and never really shared finances before. We use an account in my name for the house although both have the online banking codes for it and they actually have the card in their wallet as they are more likely to need emergency cash. Little interest has been taken in the account. As far as I'm aware they've not ever logged in or looked unless I've shown. Lack of interest rather than anything else.

Up contributions and clear the debt, sounds good!