Balancing friends and a military partner

[misszp]

Those in this relationship set up..... Talk to me!

I’m fairly new to it (a year ish in), but coping relatively well. We live several hours apart anyway so time is limited to weekends and sometimes only once or twice a month, until we decide who moves where!

First Deployment for several months sprung upon us and speedily approaching. Due to the deployment we are now having to sacrifice time around his training and exercises so time is even more limited. I have explained to friends and family just how few weekends we have together and that I am going to have to sacrifice the odd event... some are being amazing but with others It has NOT gone down well.

Has anyone else had similar reactions and how did you cope? I’m heartbroken at the lack of support and it’s making the deployment seem even more tough! As my first military relationship, it’s a shock to the system!

Hello, I’m in a similar situation. My OH is in the military and away for four months at a time. I made it clear to friends and family that the time we have together is precious and they’re more than welcome to be a part of it but naturally there are going to be things I cannot always be there for. There’s been a few friends I’ve lost along the way - mostly ones that couldn’t understand our set up but that’s life. Deployments are hard, especially the first few weeks while you get used to it and you’re going to need those closest to you for support.

The friends you say are amazing are true friends, hold on to them. And if the rest cannot understand your situation then I’d be thinking twice about calling them friends. Message me if you ever want a moan about it. It’s hard but worth it.

Those friends are the people you will want to keep,you company when he's away.

Be careful what and how much you cancel. Check your diary before replying to invitations. Make a note of his R&R dates, and generally when he'll be available and plan round them as far as you can. But inky cancel things that are already in your diary when there's a seriously important reason that yiubabsolutle must.

I'd be ready to get that the friends who seem to mind are those you have cancelled specific plans with, those who have stayed more 'normal' are those you have been less flakey towards.

It can be both hard and lonely when OH is deployed. You really need your friends. So think carefully before treating people casually. It is possible to both carve out the time for your relationship,and avoid pissing off your friends.

Can't you include him in your social life/family events?

What sort of occasions are you talking about cancelling? Seems strange to me that people would get the arse.