How to tell him he's not on the birth certificate?

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NC for this...

Bit of background-
Ex split up with me after I found out I was pregnant. Was pretty disgusting (threatened to kill himself if I didn't abort, when I didn't he said he wanted me to miscarry + plenty other horrible stuff) ff to a couple of months before I gave birth he decided he wanted to be involved.
He bought nothing for baby, was awful, didn't show up to the birth though I told him he could be there. I still gave him a chance and now she's born he's seen her a lot and I think he is trying to be a good dad.

He assumed he would be on the BC and that she would have his last name but I thought after everything it was best I left him off and he could show he was actually worthy of being on there. (I know a lot of people will think I'm awful for leaving him off but i am more than willing to put him on in future as long as he sticks around and continues trying to be a good dad)

I kept meaning to tell him I wasn't going to put him on but I can't bring myself to do it as terrified of reaction. I've now done the BC and I'm even more terrified to tell him. How do I go about doing it? In message or in person? How's he going to react?

category12 l said 'father unknown' isn't nice for her to have on her birth certificate and l stand by that. It may not have bothered her but otoh she may have hated having that on her birth certificate.
But they don't put that anymore as you obviously know from your post, but don't let that stop you being so rude to me about my opinion on the old system, which l remember from when my dcs were younger and some of their peers did have this on their B.C.s. Trust me it did upset some people, very much and was quite a taboo subject. I imagine that's why they changed it.

I don't know anyone in the UK who doesn't know that both unmarried parents have to attend the Register Office to enter fathers name.
Perhaps the OP didn't realise until she got there and it was too late .

I did the same as you op. But I sent an email to my ex letting him know before I did it. I didn't want him to have any parental rights.

I understand what you are saying bahhh I felt all the things you said after my son's father died so I got him added to the certificate, which wasn't easy.

Bah I’m still not sure you are getting it. You need to google Parental Responsibility.

Putting the father in the birth certificate legally grants him parental responsibility. This means among other things that he has a legal say over the child’s education, medical treatment, name, where the child lives, a say over their property etc.

Considering this is an emotionally abusive man who didn’t want the child in the first place, voluntarily giving him a lifetime’s opportunity to control and manipulate the OP and her child doesn’t seem like a great idea does it?

And bear in mind, he keeps these responsiblilies even if he never sees the child again, even if he never pays a penny in child support.

This isn’t about having a socially acceptable birth certificate. It’s about the rest of the OP and her child’s life.

well done OP... tell him ZILCH

Did they ever put 'Father Unknown' on certificates? I don't recall ever seeing that and I've looked at a fair few.

Any father who wanted mother to terminate or miscarry would have a huge amount of making up to do.

Don’t mention it if he doesn’t.

OP you couldn't have put him on if he wasn't there so if he didn't ask to come along that's his look out. It will make things a lot simpler and as for 'ancestry', huge numbers of people aren't the child of the father listed on the certificate!

You did the right thing OP. My heart sinks sometimes reading threads from new mothers who have put utter arseholes on the BC and given them their surname too. I just wouldn't mention it, and if he brings it up say she was registered a while ago as there is a deadline. He may not stick around anyway but if he does then you can discuss adding his name at a later date.

Wait till he asks.

‘Am I on the birth certificate’ or ‘why am I not on this certificate’ if he sees it.

You: ‘were you there?’ Or ‘you weren’t there’

The end.

@Bahhhhhumbug It doesn't say Father Unknown on my birth certificate and I'm nearly 50.

Won't he have been hoping for this as a way to get out of ever having to pay for the child? He might be thrilled!

The CMS can still go after him for Child support whether he's on the birth certificate or not.

Just play dumb if he ever asks - say ‘but I couldn’t put your name on, you weren’t there!’

It would have been impossible for you to put his name on as he wasn’t there - not your fault.

If you've only just registered your baby then they aren't very old, and he's had barely had any time to prove himself.

He's behaved appallingly, and it's going to take a lot of time to make you feel like you can even begin to trust him again.

He needs to accept there are consequences to his vile behaviour.

Unless they've changed the law in the last 15 years or so, then you can't put the father (who's not married to you) on the birth cert if he's not present at the registration. So it's not an issue.

I've been looking at old birth records whilst researching family history, and the term was B or BC - base or base child - for an illegitimate child. I told DD that she's a base child, which she found quite amusing.

You don’t need to tell him anything, especially if you’re scared of him (although in those circumstances I’m not sure why you’re maintaining any kind of contact with him). Ultimately as other have said, he should already know he’s not on it because he wasn’t present when you registered the birth.