Just found my new buddleia plant in my wheelie bin.

[JenBarber]

Has to be my mum.

She has NO boundaries. Obviously saw it, didn't like it, so threw it away.

I've managed to keep her out of the house but the front garden still seems to be fair game for her to trash.

It's still alive, still salvagable. Is only a little baby one. I can plant it round the back since it's such an assault to the eyes.

I want to phone now and ask what the hell but she won't be up.

I'm pissed off. She bulldozes through my life. Nothing is off limits - my weight, my hair, my child. Is she running out of stuff??

What next? Seriously??

Mean, over-bearing mother. Buddleia is very tough - that's why it grows so successfully by railway lines and in neglected industrial landscapes. It will probably survive this assault.

Re-plant it wherever you like, perhaps with something prickly around it to deter repeat behaviour.

My neighbour has at least four just over the fence. Each autumn they're pruned back and each spring without fail they sprout new leaves. Not my favourite shrub, but a haven for butterflies.

Budlias thrive on neglect. Her dumping him has increased his will power 10 fold.

I looked it up and now I’ve put a face to the name, I’m terrible with nouns, be it human, places or plantlife!

We had a Buddleia plant in our front hedge/ verge and it grew to monstrous proportions every summer! We cut it back to almost nothing and it seemed to increase it vigour. We even got a council notice about it overhanging the pavement, which was most unfortunate as it was a rented property so a limited amount we could do about it. Except keep hacking it back, and it kept growing back more and more... but, all that being said, I loved the flowers and general abundance of nature which was rather wonderful to see, and of course the bees and butterflies that enjoyed it too.

So, not a gentle timid plant, and not one for an unkempt garden, as blink and it will have taken over the whole border. But nice nonetheless in the right places :)

Your mum, though... You were out, so she pulled up at least one plant/weed out of your garden?! That's not the behaviour of a rational individual, at all. However, whether that's because she's mentally unwell or simply plain ol' nasty, I obviously have no clue

In my case, it’s as simple as “mum knows best”.

In the o/p’s case, if I challenged her, the reply would be no you don’t want that in your garden, it’s a weed, it’ll take over, i always pull mine up. If i don’t take her “advice” there will be huffing and puffing and comments on how big it’s got, and i need to do something about it.

It’s a common theme. I need to put the tv over there, you’ll see it better. No, i like it there. Come home from work “ oh i moved the tv, so you can see how it looks, much better isn’t it”

Always presented as a favour to me. I have cutlery and bedding i hate. She didn’t like mine, so bought me new. She has her taste and thinks everyone should have the same.

Any possibility of putting a fence up and a lock and telling her you did it because people where coming into the yard and throwing your plants out?

Then have a camera at the front gate and when she comes knocking you know and don’t have to answer the door?

Not an option for all though.

really - no, I get it. I really do. My mother also falls into the "I know better than you do" class of parents. When we moved into our current house, my then-very-small son was unwell, so my focus was on making sure he was cuddled and looked after... I arrived at our house, with my ex and children in tow, to discover that she'd painted the bedrooms, but also had carpets laid down in the upstairs. Which was great, very kind, she paid for the decorating and the carpeting... but we hate the colour scheme. My daughter (her favourite grandchild because she's a girl, and because... they're pretty much identical character wise) threw a tantrum because her room was pink, and my mother promptly went out - with my daughter - and returned to start painting her bedroom purple! My son (not the favourite grandchild because he's pretty much my mini-me) was frightened of his dark blue walls... but did she offer to repaint his room? Nope. Could I afford to? Nope. We put up a load of posters, instead. Did it boil my piss? Oh, yes. But at that point, a decade ago? I was mired deeply in the "she gave birth to me: I must love and respect her!" crap. So... I get it, I really do. My mother dressed up decorating my first proper house as "helping" and "well, I thought I was doing you a favour!" But it was all done to her taste... which is the total opposite of ours, I'm afraid!

OP - your plant will thrive. My advice, though, is not to prune it every year. It stunts the rapid growth, somewhat. It doesn't stop it... but it does slow it down! My oldest budd is currently 9 foot tall, and right next to a 14 foot bay tree. I fully expect it to be taller than the bay tree within the next decade. The butterflies and bees its flowers provide nectar for, however? Love it. And as it's a direct cutting descendant of one of the first buddleias to be introduced to this country in 1890...? I'm very attached to/protective of it. But if it can survive being uprooted three times and transported on my ex's truck? They can survive anything!!! Good luck!

I'd be fucked off too Jen!

You and Buddleia console each other

It will be fine, we have them taking root randomly on pavements in our road from cuttings that have blown along from the neighbours!

Can you go and dig up your mum's garden and see what she thinks?

Tell her you’ve reported criminal damage to the police and they’re looking at cctv footage, see how she reacts then.

^^ This. With nobs on. (Don't actually call the police, obviously.)

If you do that she will think you are unhinged

Where would that get you?

Wow!
That's hardly an offensive plant.
I'm glad you rescued it.
Your mother sounds truly awful.
Are you currently NC with her?

No, not NC but currently trying to reduce contact.

I've spoken to her, she apologised. I'm still not happy though.

Every time I look at a buddleia now I'm going to feel pissed off.

Plant 10 in her front garden and say “you were just trying to be helpful”

jesus... whatever next

That’s very weird OP

Have you seen the weed bombs?
You could do a drive by on her front garden

Did she say why she did it?

Emotionally healthy people never act like your mother has done; this is all about power and control.

What was her apology like, did she sound remorseful or was it a non apology along the lines of "well I'm sorry you feel that way". Did she only say what she did to pacify you?.

Do not just merely try to reduce contact; make a real effort here to reduce it further to zero contact. What does your mother bring to your life anyway other than a lot of crap?. Her nonsense re your plant is just the latest in a long line of awfulness from her aimed at both you and your child. She was not a good parent to you when you were growing up and fundamentally she has not changed. You do realise that she could well have some sort of untreated as well as untreatable personality disorder?.

Bastard Buddleia self set in my chimney.
Had to hire a man with scaffolding to get it down and repoint the whole chimney.
Was not cheap.

Okay, update.

She 'didn't know what it was' and decided to 'pull out everything that wasn't lavender'... (I have lots of lavender out the front of my house.) She also griped that she 'couldn't get around the back'.

She then asked to come round and I told her I was busy, which was true. Heard nothing since.

The back gate had a fairly weedy padlock which I've replaced with a mahoosive yellow chunky one. That gate leads to another gate which now has a mahoosive bolt on the inside. So, pretty secure, unless she climbs over.

She has form. She already 'pruned' my other buddleja down to a stump and ripped half of the ivy from my fence despite knowing that I love it.

She'll also trash my house and possessions given half the chance and loves nothing more than telling me which walls she wants to knock down even though I tell her repeatedly that the house is how Iike it.

Basically, she wishes I was someone else... It bums me out.

Sigh.