Met a lovely man but too soon after divorce. Advice please

[namechangedbutneedadvice]

Just as it says really. It is 9 months since my husband confessed to cheating (for the second time) and thus since I told him I was going to divorce him. Divorce is now final. Met New Man online just 2 months later when I was hurting and looking for a fling but it's grown into something more.

He has been separated for over 2 years and is super supportive of my situation, says we've no need to rush and should take things slowly. We both have kids so see eachother once a week, both agree our kids are our priority, want to remain independent and make the most of our lives and ambitions.

I'm crazy about him. I love him. But I know it's not complete because It's waaaay too soon and I still cry out of the blue (like this afternoon in Tesco's car park) for what I have lost. It is more grief that my marriage was never what I thought it was as ex was playing away for years but also that I feel sorry for my ex and my heart bleeds for my babies. I don't want my ex back... I miss him as a friend but that's all. I am just grieving for what I thought we had as a couple and as a family.

I've booked some counselling sessions but I don't know how to manage the new relationship. Any advice from someone who's gone into a new relationship too soon?

Hi, I met my lovely dp shortly after finding out my ex had cheated again and I asked him to leave.
We are great together but I won't pretend it is easy.
My ex blames my new relationship for the separation of our family (he thought I would eventually take him back) and has done his best to alienate my dc from me by telling them I will move in with my dp and leave them behind.
Just take it slowly and decide wether it's really what you want.

Hi fortygin - gosh I'm sorry your ex is behaving like that. Horrible when they can't put their children before their pride.

Do you mind me asking how it has affected your feelings towards your lovely new DP, children aside? Has it impacted you deepening your relationship at all? We haven't met each others' kids yet and it's nowhere close on the horizon either.

Yes just go slowly. Don't throw away a good thing because the timing isn't what you had planned,it sounds like he isn't going to push you so just relax and enjoy!

Dont believe in "too soon". Me and my ex (father of my children) split 5 years ago. 4 months later I met my latest ex on a night out with friends- moved in a year later, engaged for 2 years and then seperated because it wasnt working anymore.

Only reason i haven't met anyone since is simply because im not interested in a relationship at tge moment.

I see your point Ashbah... but I know I have issues to work through so I don't dump them into this new relationship. Also that I'm all over the place and probably depressed but functioning on the surface. New man is aware of this, asks me how I am, encourages me to talk if I want to. It honestly feels like I've stuffed a whole new load of feelings into my broken heart and it's too much for it to cope with.

Actually Ashbah, that seems like a good argument for 'too soon'. Didn't exactly work out.

OP, you seem aware of the pitfalls. I would just take it slowly and enjoy what you have right now, and not think it has to move on into anything more anytime soon - just enjoy dating and getting to know each other.

I split from my ex-husband in the August, got together with my now-husband in the November. I was really unsure and there were times during the first year when things were very tough as I was going through my divorce but I'm so so glad we stayed together. We've been married for four years and have two children, he is the love of my life.

Don't throw something good away over bad timing.

Sorry my post didnt really make sense! It wasn't because we jumped into it too soon- it was because I was working 14 hour days sometimes 6 days a week and when I did have free time I naturally wanted to spend it with my DC as well as my partner. I loved him very much and yes at first there were a lot of insecurities but we worked through them together and if this man is as good as he seems OP he will understand.

Just take it slowly and see where things go.

Hi namechanged, lucky enough my dp has full physical custody of his dc and is used to a difficult ex.
I have offered him an 'out' many times as my exh is quite mentally and emotionally abusive but he's stuck around and ten months down the line we are happy together.
Dp has only met my dc recently and I still really only see him when the dc are with my ex. It's a rough transition (especially as I have one teen and one pre-teen dd) but we will work through it and above all the dc come first.
I love how people say it's 'too early'!, our exhs' clearly didn't care when the were involved with ow whilst still portraying a happy intact family unit

Aww mistermagpie that's lovely

Ashbah yes relationships are so different now kids are in the equation.

Thanks everyone for your advice it is perfect for now really. Don't know why I'm stressing about it... am stressing in general in my present situation so maybe that's it.

with exdp for years with a ds, found out exdp was cheating so ended it .
within a month a found my current dp , 23 years and 3 dc later ...
i dont believe in there needs to be a certain time frame
if its meant to be its meant to be ,imo

Met my dp literally weeks after leaving my exh. I hadn't even properly moved out of turn marital home (though it was def over - there was no overlap).

Took it slow for over a year. I was a mess - but it's ok to be a mess.

Just be kind to yourself and to him, take your time, let yourself cry. And it will work out as it should.

All the best, it's such a confusing time x

The new guy sounds like a good thing for you right now OP. He understands what you are going through and is willing to support you through it. Just continue taking it easy and it will develop with time.

I love how people say it's 'too early'!, our exhs' clearly didn't care when the were involved with ow whilst still portraying a happy intact family unit
Fortygin I missed this last night. SO TRUE!!!

Great to hear your success stories... Prizeoik you're right it's such a confusing time. Big take home message for me from this is to not throw away a good thing because it's the wrong time...

I think as you're taking it slowly and not promising the Earth you'll be fine. You deserve the happiness. I met 2nd DH 3 months after ex moved out. We kept it private and didn't introduce the kids for well over a year. He was quite raw as his ex had an affair. I'd split amicably but experienced grief over splitting the family up.
You deserve to be happy now.

Also, be kind to yourself Namechanged.
You deserve happiness. DC come first always but that's doesn't mean you don't deserve a life.
My DM is a great believer in fate and think things have to happen for a reason. Most genuine people in your life will be pleased you're happy and congratulate you while telling you to be cautious.
I found the people telling me it was too soon we're my in laws ?!? and one friend who quite likes the dynamic of me being distraught and dependant on her.