Im in love with another man but still love my husband! HELP

[amylou1991]

Ok in been with my husband 8 years, no kids TTC for nearly 2 2years, I'm 27 He is a bit older, hes kind and caring and so funny, I have always carried him tho and I hate that, every gift,holiday and Bill I paid for,doing a job I hated his wage has only ever covered his fuel and fags. When he wasnt working he would spend 12 hours a day on his play station.
He's been unemployed for 4 months now,I recently cut back on my normal job as I was never leaving the house (worked from home) and hated it, I joined a supermarket part time and have hit it off with this guy,hes Amazing,
And after month of flirting we couldn't hide it Any more, I told him my marriage was pretty much over, we have been seeing each Other, we go for dates and it's lovely, I have fallen for him,
I'm in love with them both, I look as my husband and see all the love and memories but he has not been a good husband. He has found work 300miles away but knows I have feelings for this other Man As I had to tell him He doesnt know its physical I hate the lying person I have become but can not stop, I need to choose but I'm scared I will make the wrong choice and regret it forever more.If I chose my husband i have to leave my Job and go back to my old one and move down to were he will be working and rent are home out, Or I stay in the house and try and move on with the other man and keep my job and friends here I have made. I know I'm hurting them both but how the hell am I supposed to chose. I have a history with one and a job/friends and social life with the other, how do I choose???

I had to get this out And see what you guys think (no matter how bad)

Your history with DH doesn't sound great and you're already having an affair. I'd end it if I were you. You should have really done that at this point:

"I told him my marriage was pretty much over, we have been seeing each other"

Your marriage is completely over. be honest with him and yourself. The new guy is neither here nor there really, as you've effectively lied to him too. I don't think you really love either of them in a way that has a future. Just be glad that you didn't have DCs and that DH is moving away. Let him go and start again. You're still young and married too soon by the sounds of it.

bump

As you told this man, your marriage is over.

You can't help the way you feel, the only thing you're doing wrong is going behind your husband's back. You don't have DC so just need to be honest and tell your H it's over.

In a way the other man is a red herring, imo.

I agree with other posters. Your marriage was effectively over when you cheated. You can't have your cake and eat it. You need to make a choice and soon. It's unfair on both of the men to keep them hanging on.

I also agree, it honestly doesn’t sound much like a marriage worth saving, especially as you don’t have DC.

Let me help you by suggesting this.

Take some time to read the other threads in this relationship section. Where people are broken after infidelity.

You are the perpetrator - take off your rose tinted "love" glasses - stop stabbing your husband in the back and make your choice now.

Well you also lied to the OM when you told him your marriage was over, just a convenient excuse from the script.

So you've been carrying/supporting your 'D'H for 8 years!
Why?
What does he do that makes you 'love' him?
I think you are in love with the life you thought you would have with him.
That just hasn't happened.
What does he do?
All the housework? All the DIY?
Or do you do everything.
This an exit affair.
You want out and this is your 'excuse'
Use that and end your marriage.
It's not working for you.
If it was you wouldn't be doing this.

Your poor husband. You and OM are not the ones I feel sorry for no matter how much you gush about him and confused you are. How would you feel if your husband had done this to you once he started his new job?

It was your choice to pursue this man (and pursue you did). You didn't have to spill your 'feelings' out to him, you certainly didn't have to go on dates and lie to your DH. As another PP said, you only have to look on this board to see the hurt this will cause. If you're unhappy in your marriage then end it instead of causing more unnecessary suffering. You're just enjoying the attention from this other man whilst having your husband as a safe back up. Grass isn't always greener.

Your husband might not be perfect but I'd pick a lack of responsibility over a cheater any day.

Just open mouthed at how brass necked you are, i mean this:
And after month of flirting we couldn't hide it Any more

And married, you make a joke of marriage, your marriage is a joke and your OM deep down knows you are a cheat so I don't see the two of you going off starting a nice relationship when really it's on the back of lies, deceit and having sex behind your husband's back.

So, i guess the only advice I'd offer is end with both of them and be on your own.

You don't have to have one or the other, you can actually be without a man.

I have a history with one and a job/friends and social life with the other, how do I choose???

You choose the one you think will provide the most superior sperm. You're not going to be with either of them long term, so be ruthless and get the physical and mental advantages before cutting them loose.