Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I being unreasonable?

2 replies

Monday2018 · 08/05/2018 10:17

Hi,

My husband joined a sports club with a friend of ours. The friend set up a whatsup group which was only supposed to be for posting when the group was meeting up to go flying. This friend invited my husband to join the group, which he did. But not long after my husband became distant and I wasn't sure if it was because I was depressed with loosing our baby and the related surgery/chemo. But I then found out that this supposed to be friend of mine and my husband was sending my husband videos and photos of other naked women/porn and talking about tinder etc. After I found it on my husbands phone and had a massive argument with him, my husband asked this so called friend to stop sending it and told him that I had mentioned that if he didn't stop I would be telling his wife about what he was sending my husband.

This friend then messaged me saying he hadn't sent it to my husband with bad intention and that he also get sent lots of thing which he has to delete (not sure what this has to do with him sending it to my husband). He said he hoped we could put this behind us and still be friends.

But then two weeks later he sent more porn through to my husband, so my husband responded to him and said stop it, you are causing arguments between my wife and I. I was annoyed by how disrespectful this friend was to our relationship, after he had been asked to stop and so I messaged his wife to ask her if she could have a chat to her husband. She told me that she found the chat site which he posted porn on very upsetting and immature for grown men and wanted it stopped herself. Her husband immediately unfriended me and blocked me on facebook/messenger. So it appeared that he was ok with causing arguments between me and my husband but not happy when it started to cause arguments in his marriage.

My husband still insists that this man his is friend but I have chosen not to remain friends. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
MMmomDD · 08/05/2018 10:37

OP - first off - so sorry about your baby and health problems.
Secondly - your feelings are your feelings - and you don’t need strangers to justify their reasonableness.

Personally - all of this is a bit juvenile. Men sending porn to each other - sort of teenagy. You reporting him to his wife - sort of reminds me of school calling a parent when kids misbehave.

For what it’s worth - i don’t think he became distant when you were having health issues because of seeing some porn. I think it was his way of dealing with it all - what you perceived as distant may have been his way of retreating and dealing with his feelings.

Shoxfordian · 08/05/2018 11:36

I think you're confusing the issue here. If your husband was being distant and difficult to speak to then that needs addressing and you should see why that was.

The WhatsApp thing is immature and annoying but it's not the friends issue, it's yours.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page