Exh is so angry all the time. WWYD?

[fortygin]

Sorry in advance for the long post. Looking honest opinions and advice please.
Separated from ex last year after 24 years after a year long affair was exposed to me (his second confirmed affair in six years) and I felt that I could not stay with him as the little trust I had in him would never return and honestly I didn't respect nor love him after what he had put me through.
We have 4 dc aged 13, 11, 10 and 6.
I met someone fairly quickly afterwards and ex has not taken this well.
New dp briefly met dc after 6 months and seemed to adjust well. Exh on the other hand has accused me of everything.
I do all the day to day care for the Dc tho they stay with him one weekend night a week (24hrs) and overnight from 5 till 8am two weekday nights and I Get no maintenance from ex.
I do all school runs and homework, get what they need for school or day to day and I work 24hrs a week.
He has said I put myself first because I haven't kept my relationship a secret like his affair was and I'm affecting my eldest two dc's mental health.
On of my eldest has a history of saying they are unwell so as to stay off school, this has been going on for many years but as I took them last week after they refused to get on the bus and asked the school for counselling he is saying it is due to my new relationship. He has told them I may move in with my dp soon and this has unsettled the two eldest dc understandably.
I keep in touch and let him know what's happening and offer to meet to discuss his concerns. I am told to 'go fuck myself'.
I suppose my question is how do I sort this? I just want a little peace in my life.

Thank you. That's what I need someone not involved to tell me what I have to do. I really do need to put my big girl pants on.

Yes I have spoken to eldest dc (both dd's) and they know the score in an age appropriate manner.
DD11 will use the situation to her own advantage Ie if she doesnt want to go to school or exh's house it's in case she 'can't come home'.
They are happy dc who push boundaries like all children.
As much as I could do with the extra cash (I pay the mortgage on the family home and all the bills) I certainly don't want to be seen As greedy.

He’s using your passive nature and your dc against you! Stop him now!

Block all his calls and texts and give him an email address to contact you with. If needs be tell him to drop the dc off at the top if the drive. He can only contact you via this. If he gets abusive phone the police. Also do the online calculations and if he owes you child maint then claim it off him. Your life with your new partner is nothing to do with him, it’s between you two and your dc. Don’t try and talk to him about it.. only discuss the dc with him and NOTHING else.

Big girl pants time I’m aftaid

I think there is a need for boundaries with your ex.If overnights continue you could look for a parenting plan to define who is responsible for what.

I would recommend you let the solicitor send a letter as it maybe something you need in future.
What is happening re the house?

If its jointly owned you may not be able to make promises to the dc that nothing will change.

Re your bf, it seems super fast and with many children in the mix you need to provide stability.I recall a teen tell me that their mum thought they were not affected by a new b/f but they are..it can be in subtle ways such as mum acts slightly differently, mum on her phone talking to b/f and rules changing when a new adult around.

After so many years with your ex you will need time to figure out who you are first before committing to someone new.

You are not greedy, he is. You're doing most of the childcare and all of the expenses and he barely does anything and doesn't buy them what they need.

Please stop listening and being wary of him. He doesn't have the power. Go through all the legal channels and if it's 50/50 then he has to collect the kids from school etc and pay for hair share of what the kids need. Can't believe that he calls and you go round with what they need.

Thank you. I take on board that it's super fast and I don't intend to do anything that will affect the Dc directly ie moving in or marrying in the foreseeable future.
I do however feel that after over a decade of crap that I am entitled to be happy and do intend to be with my new dp.
I have offered counselling and will continue to do so to the dc but I refuse to believe that I should do what my exh did and have a secret relationship as I don't this this is in the dcs best interests.
I am under no illusion that they're timing isn't great but my dc are my main priority as long as they need me.
Exh has promised they can live in the family home so I am sticking to both his and their wishes. I would love to have been able to rent as he has and get a fresh start with the dc.

Also they only met dp a few months ago as exh sent them home as they were crying and didn't want to stay there and dp happened to be with me when I was asked to come and collect them immediately.