I would appreciate advice on how to shut down conversation at work with someone who is likely to blow up without contacting management.
I have been supporting a severely depressed younger colleague. The depression seems to be under control, but his personality has changed. We used to have a great friendship, but he started blowing up at me for what (to me) seem to be trivial reasons. For example, I asked him if he could let me know when he can't make an appointment (instead of letting me wait around for hours several times in a row).
At first I gave him a pass because he doesn't have much experience of a social interaction. But I've recently realized that we are now in a pattern where he blows up, then freezes me out for days - weeks, then approaches me and talks like everything is normal. However, he has a resentment of previous situations that is coming out as nastier and nastier blow-ups. I'm sick of it. I'm also worried that I'm letting myself be treated this way because my father was violent and very unpleasant and I've always lectured myself to avoid people like that.
Last week, there was the worst blow-up of all. Part of what he said was that if I ever talked to him again, he would report me. That shocked some sense into me. I think he would do it and he'd say anything (I now realize that he has done it about other people who I perviously thought wronged him). I have worked very hard for my career and can't be in this situation anymore.
I asked once before how to deal with this here and someone had great adviceleave it to the managers. However, one of the managerssomeone in a position to know everyone--has taken him under her wing and I don't feel at all comfortable about approaching her. In fact, she has been quite unprofessional, hinting that I must have inappropriate intentions towards him (I don't at all and he is gay).
Today, my friend came into the office and started chatting. I ignored him and felt immature and ridiculous, but didn't know what else to do to break the pattern. The last thing he said to me during the blow-up was that I should never speak to him again. I doubt he remembers saying that and if reminded, he'd blow up again. I know that there's a chance he will blow up no matter what I say, but is there something low-key that I can say that would be less likely to lead to problems? What about "look, I think we said what we had to say already; let's just stick to communicating through a counselor if anything else needs to be said." We don't need to communicate about our work. I feel silly about asking, but if anyone has any suggestions, I'd be grateful.