Decided to end relationship with EA

[JeanLouiseAKAScout]

I have made the decision that I want to leave my marriage which has somehow turned EA with some sexual coercion. We have children and a mortgaged home.

I am not sure how he will react, but all I know is that I need it to end. I cant cope with the moods, silent treatment and punishment any longer.

I need some help as to how I actually do it, how I tell him and how I stay strong? Unfortunately I don't have anywhere to leave to, but I have support from mother and friends. I think it's best for the kids to stay with me in the home, as they've lived here all their lives, but I do have the means to rent a home for us if need be.

It's such a difficult decision to make, even though everyone else says just leave. I had to leave my ex husband as he refused to leave the family home. You'll perhaps go through a stage feeling fearful, that you've done the wrong thing, but keep going and it won't be long until you realise you've done a full day without the stress and upset of EA. Please let us know how it goes, good luck..

Thank you. He has started to gaslight me as well now. How did you actually have The Conversation?

Hi Jean, I'm so sorry that he is doing this to you now, it's not enough that they abuse emotionally but to top it off with gaslighting is one blow too low.

The conversation was one of the most difficult I have had with anyone; a few weeks earlier he realised I was planning a midnight flit so to speak (my 'best friend' apparently kept him updated with all my plans, and later went on to marry him). I won't bore you with details, but he refused to let our boyseave with me but decided he didn't want his daughter.

In one way I was fortunate, I had been buying unit trusts every month without him realising so I wanted nothing from him. He was very angry when he realised I didn't need a penny from him as he thought that was his trump card!! Once I realised he knew I was leaving I told no one anything and waited until he went away for a long weekend, then moved house. I had bought the house without him knowing, no one knew, 4 months before I left and was biding my time. A lot of people said I was so lucky, but it was more meticulous planning from when I realised what an evil man he was, it took me 16 years.

I think it is the aftermath that is harder than telling them, and harder than actually leaving.

I'm happy that you have got support from your mother and friends;don't be scared of asking them for support.

My grandma said to me "it's hard to leave, but remember it makes you stronger and him weaker" and over time I realised what she meant, and it is true. I hope the same is true for you too. Please let me know how things are going?

OP it sounds so awful for you and I wish you luck.

I struggled with how to even have The Conversation, I knew it had to happen, but just couldn't get my head around how to do it.

In the end, I text him one day and said something like "we need to talk about us later after the kids are in bed" - it committed me and also made clear to him that something was coming, so I didn't feel like I was just springing it on him out of the blue. I also told my best friend I was going to do it, and a relative. My friend offered to sit in the car at the bottom of the driveway in case I needed to get away (she didn't in the end because I didn't think it was necessary - but just having told them as well meant I had to go through with it and she text me later to make sure I was ok). You have support, use it

I've seen some other posts on here where people have just come out with it one day when enough was enough.

Also, many solicitors will offer 30 minutes consultation for free. It might be a good idea to do that first, just to get an idea of how things will go. The first solicitor I saw was very non-specific, just talking about divorce in general rather than giving me any idea of how MY divorce might go, so maybe see a couple of different solicitors to see what they say. It also helps to make it feel a bit more real.

We're still stuck in the limbo aftermath, but at least things are a bit more out in the open now. You have made the right decision for you and your DC. I wish you luck OP

It's so hard to know that when I go through with this so many people will hate me and not believe me.

It doesn't matter what some people believe.
Only matters that your family and friends are aware and are behind you all the way.
Please call Womens Aid.
They can help you with a lot of these issues.
With an exit plan, if you can get away, or others ways are possible.
Have you spoken with a solicitor yet?
If not, then Womens Aid should have a list of local ones in your area who specialise in dealing with abusive assholes!
Well done and good luck!

1. No one needs to know why, you are no longer happy is enough.

1. No one will hate you, and if they do, you don't need them in your life.

1. You deserve to be happy and live YOUR life the way YOU want. Good luck !