Fallen out of love

[ManicGirl]

I'm really not sure what to do. I've been married for 12 years and have 2 DC aged 5 and 7. I have no respect for him any more. I listen to him talk to other people and I'm embarrassed that he's my husband.
He is so negative about life. He talks about education being pointless, only earning money so he can retire, he gets no enjoyment out of life and I hate how this rubs off on the children.
But I am too scared to leave him. Money, house, car etc. Sometimes people say they are married to their best friend. I wouldn't be friends with my husband if I met him now.

Do you work? You can claim benefits and also child maintenance

Is their equity in your home ? Could you sell it and buy somewhere cheaper

I’m in the same boat manic. Luckily he works away mon-fri but it’s so bloody depressing when he’s here. I just feel daft because he hasn’t done anything specifically wrong. It’s just taken a decade for me to realise he’s a joyless, sexist twat.

Ironically I've just reduced my hours from full time to 3 days a week so I'd probably be very poor. Yes, there is equity in our home as we've lived in it for almost 10 years. I'm loving this practical advice. It's what I need :-)

StopBeingNosey. Joyless is exactly the word i'd use. Are you planning on staying or going?

I change my mind daily. If I left I would definitely be happier but would my dc? It seems such a silly reason to leave when there’s no arguments or abuse or cheating. Just a deep, deep sadness I think. I organise everything we do with dc’s and I just don’t think he’d continue to be a good dad if he didn’t have me to nag him about it the whole time. I’m cross with myself too for letting it get to the point where our lives are so intertwined that we’re so dependant on each other.

Although we’re only in our 30’s the thought of him retiring and being here everyday just fills me with dread.

How long have you felt like this? Was it a sudden realisation or did it just creep up on you? Does he know how you feel at all?

He knows I'm unhappy. Part of the reason for reducing my hours was to help me feel less stressed but that's not actually solving the problem.
He's a good dad and tries to be involved with the DCs but he's such a terrible role model. I've had them on my own these last 3 days and as soon as he is around he starts shouting at them and making everybody miserable. My DCs love him but often say how upset he make them.
I really don't know what to do as, like you say, he hasn't done anything terrible. I'm also in my 30s (although nearer the 40s!) and can't imagine a life with him when the kids are older.