Emotionally unavailable DH

[Mamma2019]

Friends, me and my DH have been married for almost 7 years now. Have been trying for a baby for almost four years. This year, we finally had a positive result and unfortunately I miscarried at around six weeks.

I have tried talking to my DH about how I'm feeling and what I'm going through. Mostly he doesn't listen and if he does, he just dismisses it and shrugs it off. I know men and women tend to process grief differently. But I'm angry, frustrated and disappointed that he's not there for me emotionally.

I just need him to understand that it will take me more time to recover and till then to not dismiss my emotions or experience. I don't know whom to turn to for advice. I feel like I don't want to burden people in my life unnecessarily. But I really don't know how to deal with this situation

I'm so sorry about your miscarriage.

How do you two get on the rest of the time? If you have a child together there will be plenty of times where he'll need to communicate with you and help you when you're sad - do you think he's capable of that?

He's sensitive and compassionate most of the times. But he's bad in expressing his emotions. I have to keep guessing what's going on in his mind and it's not always possible. I don't know how things will work out in the future. Just hoping for the best I guess.

Mine's the same. It's a man thing. They don't like talking about feelings and emotions. It could be so much worse. So long as he's kind, considerate and treats you right... Tbh, reading through these posts, there are men who spend too much, borrow, steal, get drunk, go off with other women...

Unfortunately there's a societal expectation in the UK that 'boys don't cry' and the only emotion that's really ok for them to show is anger, this is ingrained from such a young age. I've seen the extreme outcomes working with people convicted of violent offences. I bet he is feeling as bad as you but has no tools to express it, so shuts down. This isn't an excuse just an insight. You can keep trying to communicate with him and maybe seek counselling on your own which will allow you to process things and maybe communicate in alternative ways (not that there's anything wrong with what you've been trying). If he's a good partner in every other way this can be overcome.

I agree with Fash if you can afford it I would seek counselling to work through your grief. Practice a lot of self care but also be kind to your DH, people don't react to events in the same way even when they are in love.

I'm sure most of your friends and family would not feel overburdened if you talked to them. If you feel worried then limit your time to talk about your worries to say 15 minutes and then move on to other chat so that you don't feel anxious or bad about dominating the conversation

www.healthline.com/health/miscarriage-counseling-from-a-therapist#5.

I would consider contacting the Miscarriage Association and their details are here:- www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/

Thank you Kikashi. The link really helped. What the writer said is true, you can never really forget it completely, but hopefully it does get easier.

Thank you Attila..I guess life works in mysterious ways..we can never fully understand it, but maybe we can just about learn to appreciate it.