Ex and his new female best buddy

[ByeMF]

After 26 really stressful years OH and I agreed to separate in Jan of this year. We have two teens, one with ASD, the other with severe emotional problems after being raped last year. Our finances are an absolute mess and I took out a lot of credit card debt in my name to cover his tax bills etc. Because of this we are trying to house share until we're in a position to go our separate ways.
He has been emotionally distant for years and never been there for me throughout everything we've gone through. I have felt absolutely alone and would have gone mad if it weren't for my amazing friends.
It has come to light that he has developed a very close emotional relationship with a woman 20 years his junior. Unfortunately I saw a chat thread between them which was full of kisses and 'wanting to be there to give you a hug' I am devastated as he is sharing all his feelings with her, and all I have wanted is that feeling of closeness.
She is an ex work colleague. When I asked him how long the relationship has been going on, he says it started at Christmas. He says they are very close but are not in a relationship. He agrees it is surprising that a platonic relationship with an ex colleague has gone from not seeing each other to sharing everything with her.
TBH I think he's a liar and they're having an affair. What does everyone else think?

I think, kindly, that as you and your husband have split up that raking over things would be very unhelpful for you.

Your Marriage did not sound like a good one and why not think about the freedom and good times that are ahead.

It is hard to call this an affair because you are separated.

I am sorry you are going through this and I can imagine it is a very difficult situation to live like that. But as you are no longer together as a couple it really is none of your business who he sees now and likewise. Better to avoid ' pain shopping ' on social media.

I think that you have given me the answer I had to hear. I loved him deeply and even though I am trying to move forward, the speed at which he's moved this relationship on has shocked me.

Yep I agree, as painful as it is, he’s not having an affair as you’re not together. It’s really none of your business whether they’re just good friends or not. It’s best if you try not to think about it if you have to live together still as it won’t help you.

He can do what he wants if he’s single. It’s not an affair

I loved him deeply and even though I am trying to move forward, the speed at which he's moved this relationship on has shocked me

Oh what a difficult situation. Shock is a good description of the feeling, I think.

And what a bastard your STBXH is. I’m guessing that his emotional distance is also maintained with his children - both of whom sound like they need all the loving support that a father should give them.

Men are appalling sometimes, aren’t they, the way they just walk away from their responsibilities and seek selfish gratification? Ugh.

You’ll eventually realise you’re well shot of him. I hope he at least takes financial responsibility for his children, if nothing else.

I totally get it OP. My ex also moved on within nano seconds of our splitting up. I too had wanted him to be kind to me for years, and now he is being really nice to someone else. It does really really hurt.

Still in the thick of those feelings and am worried about what will happen if the relationship (bleurgh) persists, my dc meet her, and I have to hear about her from them .

So I do feel your pain.